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Allergic To Common Sense, Part 12

, , , | Healthy | November 15, 2017

(I’m a manager for a popular casual restaurant. I receive a phone call from an upset customer.)

Caller: “Why don’t you offer allergy menus? My daughter almost died from eating calamari! Why would you serve her something that she is allergic to, and she’s pregnant!”

Me: “I do apologize for your daughter’s condition and we do offer a dozen different types of menus which do include an allergen menu, nutritional menus, large print menus, etc.”

Caller: “How am I supposed to know you have these menus?!”

Me: “Did you ask? Also, if your daughter knew she was allergic to calamari, why would she order it?”

Caller: “She didn’t know she was allergic to it! That’s why I was asking about the allergen menu!”

Me: “Okay, so, if she doesn’t know that she is allergic to calamari, how are we supposed to know?”

Caller: *realizes the paradox* “Well, she’s pregnant and I am really scared.”

(I’m a mom of two.)

Me: “I understand you are scared and when a person is pregnant their body goes through a lot of changes; consult with the doctor and I hope she will be okay.”

(I never got a call back I wonder if she still thinks we should automatically know if someone is allergic to something.)

Related:
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 11
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 10
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 9

The Party Can Only Hold 9-12 Inches

, , , , | Friendly | November 15, 2017

(I’m a male server and nearly all of my direct coworkers are women. I’m also a Christian and this is no secret to anyone I work with. While at work in the server station at my restaurant, one of my coworkers is discussing plans for a get-together with a few of the other servers. Foolishly, I ask what they’ll be doing.)

Coworker: *with defiance* “I’m hosting a sex toy party.”

(This produces the immediate image in my mind of middle-aged women sitting around in a circle, sharing and discussing various dildos. It’s such an unsettling picture that I guess I noticeably wince.)

Coworker: *reacting* “You know what, Church Boy? There’s nothing wrong with sex! It’s what people do! Maybe if you’d bother taking that Jesus stick out of your a** you’d learn some things about life!”

(A defensive argument could have ensued but I kept responses to myself and went back to work.)

Birth Control Your Child

, , , , , | Related | November 14, 2017

(I’m having brunch with my dad when my phone alarm goes off to remind me to take my pill. I reach into my purse, keep my hands below the level of the table, and quietly pop a pill out of the pack. I palm the pill and raise it to my mouth.)

Dad: *cringes* “You shouldn’t take birth control in front of your father.”

Me: *annoyed because I tried to be subtle enough for him to ignore it, and also because I’m in my twenties* “Sorry. Would you rather I wait, miss taking it at the same time every day, and increase my chances of getting pregnant?”

Dad: *cringes harder* “No!”

A Long Conversation About Custard

, , , | Working | November 11, 2017

(The following is a conversation that I may or may not have had a role in at a locally-owned “frozen custard” place which has a reputation for being a little snooty.)

Customer: “I’ll try some of the [unique flavor] ice cream.”

Employee: *getting the sample* “It’s actually frozen custard, not ice cream.”

Customer: *taking the sample* “Thanks. But it’s ice cream.”

Employee: “It’s not ice cream, though. Both use sugar, milk, and cream, but frozen custard also has egg yolks—”

Customer: “So, we eat it differently?”

Employee: “What?”

Customer: “So, this frozen custard is eaten differently than ice cream?”

Employee: *clearly not sure where this is going* “Well, I imagine most people eat both the same way.”

Customer: “Is it served differently? Does it necessitate different toppings?”

Employee: “Well, aside from having the additional ingredient of egg yolk, we also have more unique flavors than you’ll usually see with traditional ice cream.”

Customer: “So, these flavors aren’t possible with ice cream?”

Employee: “Well, no, I’m sure you could still do these flavors with ice cream.”

Customer: “See, because when I, and I bet most people, say, ‘ice cream,’ I’m referring to a sweet, frozen, creamy dessert that is served in bowls and cones, or on other desserts like pies, brownies, or cookies, and can be topped with other sweet things. This fits that definition, so I would argue it’s appropriate to call it, ‘ice cream.’ Whether what I’m eating has eggs in it, or yogurt, or whatever, it is ultimately irrelevant to my purposes in using that term.”

Employee: “Well, the egg yolks give it a creamier texture than—”

Customer: “But it’s the same idea in the end, right?”

Employee: “I would argue that it’s not, though. They’re different.”

Customer: “But we just discussed that they’re not different! The only difference we can find is there’s eggs in this. If I put egg in my ground beef when making a burger it’s still a burger.”

Employee: “Let’s look at it this way. ‘Ice cream’ could also be ‘frozen cream.’ This is not ‘frozen cream,’ because the egg changes the substance that is frozen into a custard, which therefore makes it a ‘frozen custard.'”

Customer: “But that’s relevant to my point. To you, it’s different. To us as customers, it ends up being the same thing because the differences are all on the back end.”

Employee: “We have many customers who come here because they prefer frozen custard to ice cream. It’s not the same to everyone.”

Customer: “I may prefer one pizza place over another because one place uses an additional ingredient in their crust, but that doesn’t mean either one isn’t pizza.”

Employee: “Agree to disagree, I guess. Will this be all?”

Customer: “Yeah, this is it. I’m not trying to insult your product. I obviously like it, but I just think sticking your nose in the air over someone calling it what it really is is a bit uncalled for.”

Employee: “Well, I bet you say this to all the frozen dessert places.”

Customer: “Given the opportunity, yes.”

Not In Touch With How Sandwiches Are Made

, , , | Right | November 10, 2017

(I work in a small family-owned business. I am working the register at the moment, but I hear a coworker’s conversation with a customer in the restaurant area.)

Coworker: “Hi. Is there anything I can get you?”

Customer: *looking at our menu* “Umm… yeah… umm… I want a BLT.”

Coworker: “All right. What kind of bread would you like that on?”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t want bread. And just make sure the bacon, lettuce, and tomato don’t touch.”

(My coworker looked dumbfounded as she asked this, but we gave her what she wanted. We served her her food, and she ate only the bacon.)