A Big Mayo No No, Part 3

, | MA, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

(A customer with a thick accent approaches the counter.)

Customer: “Do you have margarine-aise?”

Me: “Margarine?”

Customer: “No, margarine-aise.”

Me: “Mayonnaise?”

Customer: “No, margarine-aise.”

Me: “I’m sorry, what is it you want?”

Customer: *now angry* “You no listen? Margarine-aise.”

Me: “Mayonnaise?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Related:
A Big Mayo No No, Part 2
A Big Mayo No No

H2-Over And Over Again

| Philadelphia, PA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Popular

(I work as a busboy in a high end Italian restaurant. Part of my job is to get customers a pitcher and cups of water when they sit down. The hostess seats an elderly man and woman in my section so I bring them the pitcher and cups of ice water.)

Woman: “Can I get a cup of water without the ice?”

Me: “Sure thing. Coming right up.”

(I go to the kitchen and get a cup of cold water without ice.)

Woman: “Oh, no, I’m sorry but I didn’t want it cold. Can you get me a new one?”

(This time I bring back a cup of room temperature water.)

Woman: “I am sorry I should have been more specific. Can it be a cup of hot water but only half full?”

(As I am bringing her yet another new cup I notice other customers I should be waiting on who want their water. No other coworkers are available. I am eager to move onto someone else but the woman won’t leave me alone.)

Me: “Here you go, ma’am. Is that how you like it?”

Woman: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay, then I will—”

Woman: “Except now can you make it a full cup of hot water?”

(Seriously aggravated but not letting it show, I go and do as she wishes.)

Me: “Here you go.”

Woman: “Thank you and that will be all.”

(I go on to serve someone else. As I am pouring their drinks they can’t help but comment.)

Other Customer: “I saw that whole thing. I have never seen someone so picky about a simple cup of water before. At least you aren’t her waiter.”

(I couldn’t have agreed with that customer more because throughout the night I watched the woman constantly complain to her waitress about everything including her plate being too big.)

Dairy, Dairy, Quite Contrary

| UK | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(In the restaurant I work in the waiting staff make the desserts. We get an order for our children’s pancakes dessert which normally comes with ice cream, sauce, and marshmallows. The message says ‘just pancakes and marshmallows, no dairy.’ I check with my coworker who took the order.)

Me: “Our pancakes have dairy in them. Did you inform the customer?”

Coworker: “Yes. They just said they wanted them anyway, so I put the order through as they asked.”

(I decide to go check with the customer, who ordered the pancakes for her sons. Just in case there was any confusion.)

Me: “Sorry to disturb, but is this the table that ordered the pancakes with no dairy, just marshmallows?”

Customer: “Yes. Is there a problem?”

Me: “Are your children lactose-intolerant at all?”

Customer: “Yes, actually.”

Me: “Well, the pancakes we sell aren’t lactose-free. And I’m sorry, but we have no dairy-free alternative. I wouldn’t want your boys to get sick.”

Customer: “Oh, don’t worry. I know. But I already promised my boys the dessert. With all the extra stuff on they will get sick, but just the pancakes will make them only a little sick, so that’s fine.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

(I walk away to explain to my coworker making desserts not to worry about anything. The boys enjoyed their desserts but didn’t look to great afterwards.)

A Junior Burger Becomes A Big Problem

| NC, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Funny Names, Popular

(I work at a fast food joint where I mostly operate drive-thru. As any other restaurant, we have a large menu based on the outside for customers to see.)

Me: “Welcome to [Restaurant]. What can I get for you?”

Customer: “Get me two hamburgers.”

Me: “All right, sir, would you like our quarter pound size burger, or the junior sized burger?”

Customer: “…I don’t know your lingo, sir. I guess the quarter pound single, then. Two of them.”

Me: “All right, sir, that will be seven dollars and ten cents at your second window.”

Customer: “Whoa, now. That’s way too much! That isn’t what I wanted!”

Me: “So you would like the two junior hamburgers instead?”

Customer: “Yes, that’s what I want! Jesus.”

Me: “All right, that will be two dollars and fifteen cents. Thank you.”

(The customer pulls around:)

Me: “Two dollars and fifteen cents, please.”

Customer: “I don’t know your lingo here. You guys really need to put up a sign or something out there that tells me exactly what you have and the difference between each entry.”

Me: “With all due respect, sir, we have a large menu just behind the speaker that does just that.”

Customer: *mouth drops open and skin turns red* “Tell your manager that you’re gonna be looking for a new job soon!” *angrily drives away*

DNA Or Pay

| Windsor, ON, Canada | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Popular

(Years ago I was a manager at a mom-and-pop Chinese restaurant. A group of three ladies come in, sit down, and place their orders. Fast forward to when they’ve finished their meals and want their bill:)

Customer: “I want to talk to a manager. There’s a hair in my food!”

Me: *I go to check and see that all three of them have finished their meals* “I’m sorry ma’am, what was wrong with your meal?”

Customer: *shows me a blonde hair* “I found this in my rice! What are you going to do about it?”

(Considering NO ONE on staff has blonde hair and they actually ate everything, I apologize and offer her 50% off her meal, even though I’ve been doing this long enough to see through this scam.)

Customer: “WHAT?! THAT’S IT! We usually get ALL our meals for free!”

Me: “I see you’ve done this before. I’ll tell you what, ma’am. My daughter works as a forensic scientist for the police department. Let me call her to come get this hair and run a DNA test on it. We will compare it to the DNA you’ve left on your coffee cup. If it’s not a match I will give you free lunch every day for life. If it’s a match, we will waste our judicial systems time and we will have you charged with fraud. What will it be, ma’am?”

(They paid in full. And my daughter is not a forensic scientist; she’s a veterinarian technician. I don’t particularly like scammers.)