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She’s No Shrimping Violet

| Fort Davis, TX, USA | Awesome Workers, Food & Drink, One-Liners, Popular

(I am working as a dishwasher at the town’s nicest restaurant, and after a couple of hours am badly in need of a bathroom break. The toilets are located in another section of the building, and I have to pass the entry in order to get to them. As I am hurrying along my way, an elderly gentleman guest grabs me by the wrist and asks in a very grave tone with a distinct German accent:)

Guest: “Excuse me, miss, but how are the shrimp?”

(Having no idea how to answer that question, I blurt the first answer that comes to mind.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I think they’re dead!”

(Howls of laughter followed me to the restroom…)

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Trying To Give The Waitress (Bread) Schtick

| Norman, OK, USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Popular

(I’m the customer in this story. I’m out to dinner with friends at an Italian restaurant famous for their breadsticks. I’m in a good mood and like interacting with the staff at restaurants.)

Waitress: “Hello, everyone, I’m [Waitress] and I’ll be serving you tonight. What can I get you to drink?”

(We place our drink orders.)

Waitress: “Can I get you any appetizers?”

Me: “I don’t think so, but we definitely want the breadsticks. The breadsticks are the bomb. They’re the reason I come here.”

Waitress: “Not the excellent service?”

Me: “Depends on how many breadsticks the waitstaff brings me.”

(We all laugh and my friends roll their eyes at me. I’m known to make terrible puns and bad jokes with the wait staff, so they figure this is just another one of those times. The waitress comes back.)

Waitress: *places two baskets of breadsticks on the table* “Technically I’m not supposed to do this, but here’s two baskets. Don’t say you didn’t get the best service from me!”

Me: “Why, thank you so much! These are awesome! Someone’s looking for a good tip!” *winks*

Waitress: *grins back* “Just doing my job.”

(After we finish our dinner, we ask for to-go boxes.)

Waitress: *to me* “Wow, looks like you didn’t eat much of your food! Not terribly hungry?”

Me: “Well… you brought us so much bread.”

(Everyone laughs.)

Waitress: *after a pause* “Okay, that’s it! No dessert for you tonight!”

(She comes back and gives us our to-go boxes.)

Waitress: “Would anybody like dessert?”

Me: “Oh, not me. I ate too—”

Waitress: “Oh, not you. You don’t get dessert, remember? You just sit in your little corner there.”

Me: *sheepishly turns to the wall trying to act pouty*

(In the end we all had a good laugh and a great time at dinner. I left her a hefty tip for playing along.)

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All The Ingredients For A Weird Interaction

| MA, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Popular

(I am working the morning shift with my uncle in his small sandwich shop where most of the customers are regulars who live around town. A man I had never seen before walked in holding a bag of groceries.)

Customer: “Hi, I just moved to the area and heard this place was good. Do you guys make breakfast sandwiches here?”

Me: “Yes! We have egg and cheese with sausage, bacon, or egg.”

Customer: “Great! I’ll take a sausage, egg, and cheese sandwich on an English muffin.”

(I turn around to start making the sandwich when he stops me.)

Customer: “Actually, would you mind making it with my ingredients? I have gluten-free English muffin, cage-free eggs, imported cheese, and antibiotic-free sausage in here.”

(He holds up the grocery bag and tries to hand it to me.)

Me: *confused* “So, let me get this straight. You have all the ingredients for the sandwich. You just want me to cook them for you and then sell it back to you as a sandwich?”

Customer: “Yup!”

(I look at my uncle and he just shrugs, so I take the bag, make the sandwich with his ingredients, and sell it back to him. After he leaves, I turn back to my uncle.)

Me: “Couldn’t he have just cooked this at home for free?”

(He still comes in all the time and asks us to cook various food for him.)