In Spitting Distance Of Being An A**-Hole

| Dallas, TX, USA | Awesome Workers, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

(Two teenage couples come into my section to eat. The two guys order full meals, one of the girls orders a glass of water, and the other orders a side salad. I have been joking around with the two guys, but the girls have given me nothing but icy stares and short answers. Another waiter delivers the food and forgets to bring the salad. I come up to the table.)

Me: “How is everything?”

(The girl who ordered the salad looks at me and throws her hands up in the air.)

Me: “Oh, no, it looks like my colleague forgot your salad. I’ll be right back.”

(I retrieve the salad quickly and return it to the girl. As I set it in front of her:)

Girl: “God, what took so long?”

Me: “The cooks weren’t finished spitting in it yet.”

(Her eyes just about popped out of her head and the guys just started laughing. Luckily the guys paid and tipped well.)


All Salts Of Stupid

| Albany, OR, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I am sitting inside at a famous fast-food restaurant. A man in line approaches the cashier. After the employee asks what he would like to order, he asks:)

Customer: “If I asked for no salt on my fries, would you be able to do that for me?”

Cashier: “Yes, sir. Anything that we add here in the store can be taken off.”

Customer: “Oh, great. In that case, I would like to order a bacon cheeseburger, with no salt on the bacon.”

(He is completely serious. The cashier pauses for a moment.)

Cashier: “I’m very sorry, sir, but the bacon already has salt in it. I can’t take it out.”

Customer: *suddenly very aggressive* “You said that you could take anything that I wanted of the order! I want bacon without salt! How hard it that?”

Cashier: “No, sir, I said that anything we add here in the restaurant can be removed. Salt is used in the process of making bacon, so I can’t give you salt-free bacon.”

Customer: “Get me your manager! NOW!”

(At this point, everyone in the restaurant is staring. From where I’m standing, I can see the manager, who has heard everything, get this look on his face like he is already 100% done with this customer, but he composes himself and goes up to the counter.)

Manager: “How can I help you, sir?”

Customer: “Your employee told me that you can take off anything from an order! All I want is a bacon cheeseburger with no salt on the bacon, and she refused to give it to me!”

Manager: “I’m sorry, sir, but we can only remove things that we add here in the store. Salt is inherent in bacon. We don’t add it here so, unfortunately, I can’t remove it.”

Customer: “Just get me salt-free bacon! How f*****g hard is that?!”

(The manager closes his eyes for a moment, and I can practically see his internal sigh.)

Manager: *putting in the order* “Yes, sir, I’ll do what I can.”

Customer: “Thank you. God, was that so hard? Now, I would also like a chocolate shake with no chocolate.”

Manager: “You mean a vanilla shake, sir?”

Customer: “No, you idiot! If I wanted a vanilla shake, I would have ordered a f*****g vanilla shake!”

Manager: “Yes, sir.”

Customer: “Thank you. That will be all.”

Manager: “Yes, sir, your total is [total].”

(The customer waits for his food, muttering about “how f*****g hard is it” to get him salt-free bacon. He picks up his food and sits at the table right behind me. I turn around to him and say:)

Me: “Hey, man. You want some of my fries? They’re potato-free.”

(Everyone in earshot starts snickering. One of the employees goes into the back to stop laughing. He gives me a snide look.)

Customer: “You must think I’m some sort of idiot.”

Me: *stifling my smirk* “No, sir.”

(He finished his food and left. The kicker? They gave him a normal bacon cheeseburger and chocolate shake. He loved it.)


Unable To Contain Themselves

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Time

(My family owns and runs an Indian restaurant and grocery store. The restaurant is deli-style where we prepare the meals at the counter and take payment before handing over the meals to the customer. We usually close at 9:30 pm but because we are a family-owned restaurant, we have a little leeway in our closing times. We generally ask customers to take their food to go after 9:15pm. A couple walks in at 9:25 pm.)

Me: “Hi, how are you?”

Guy: “Good thanks; we would like to get two plates.”

Me: “Sure, is that going to be to go?”

Guy: “No, for here.”

Me: “Sorry, we close within five minutes and are only doing to go orders now.”

Guy: “Ok, that’s fine.”

(I prepare their meals in takeout containers and hand them over to the couple.)

Me: “Here you go; that’s going to be [total].”

Guy: “We have five minutes, right? Can we eat really quickly and I can pay after that.”

Me: “Okay, that’s fine.”

(I void out their transaction. I start closing up the registers and perform the end-day-transactions and accounting. I figure I’ll charge them when they are done. At about 9:45 pm, I’m done with the end-of-day transactions. The couple is done with their meals but are sitting around and chatting with each other. I start turning out the lights in the refrigerators and display cases.)

Guy: “Are you ready to close?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Guy: “Okay, let me pay you.”

(He pays up but then goes back and sits at the table with the lady to continue chatting. At this point, I’m the only one left in the restaurant and am waiting for the couple to leave before I can close up and go home. At about 10:00 pm, I start turning off lights in the sections of the restaurant away from the couple.)

Guy: “Are you closed already?”

Me: “Yes, sir, we closed at 9:30 pm.”

Guy: “Okay, we’re leaving.”

(They continue to chat about. I’ve turned off every light in the restaurant except the one that’s nearest to them. At about 10:15 pm, another customer walks into the restaurant.)

New Customer: “Hi, are you open?”

Me: “No, sir, we closed at 9:30 pm. Sorry about that.”

New Customer: “Okay, no problem.” *leaves*

Girl: *looking at new customer leaving* “Oh, are you closing up?”

Me: “Ma’am, we’ve been closed for the past 50 minutes, since 9:30 pm.”

Guy: “Oh, why didn’t you tell us before. We would have taken our food in to-go containers.”

Girl: “Yeah, we would hate to keep you from going home.”

Me: “…”


Tipped To Be An Interesting Closing

| Chicago, IL, USA | Awesome Customers, Money

(It is after closing after a LONG day waitressing. I was stiffed on a tip by a large party that I was really nice to, and am in a bad mood. I am helping my friend clear the bar when a woman from the party comes up and starts knocking frantically on the front door. She can’t see me, and I contemplate just not answering for a moment.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we’re closed for the night.”

Woman: “Oh, thank heaven, it’s you!” *she looked a little manic*

Me: “Um, yes? Did you forget something at your table?”

Woman: “Yes! Your tip! I thought my sister was paying it, but she paid for the drinks, instead of my brother, who I thought was paying for the drinks, but he didn’t pay for anything!”

Me: “Huh?” *long day, and this woman is hyper*

Woman: “HERE!”

(She shoved a wad of cash in my hand and darted out. They ended up tipping about 40% on a three-figure bill. I was really glad I answered the door.)


In A Late-Night Pickle

, | USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Time

(The restaurant I work at used to be open 24 hours but now we close at 1 am. This has been going on for 5 or 6 months now. All the signs around the building have been changed to reflect this. The outside lights are off and the only employees are myself doing paperwork and the person getting the place ready for the morning shift. I get a call at 1:50 am.)

Me: “[Restaurant].”

Caller: “I’m at the drive-thru but no one is taking my order.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we are closed right now.”

Caller: “But you’re supposed to be open right now. Google says you are 24 hours.”

Me: “We have not been 24 hours for a few months now.”

Caller: “But you’re still here.”

Me: “Everything has been put a way for the night and I’m just here to finish up for the day.”

Caller: “Can I just have some pickles?”

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