Customer Is No Shrimping Violet

| Ontario, Canada | Uncategorized

Customer: “My shrimp is cold.”

Me: “Okay, sorry about that ma’am. I’ll bring it to the kitchen and they’ll make you a new serving right away.”

Customer: “Fine, but feel this shrimp. Feel how cold it is.”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s unnecessary. I believe that it’s cold. Just let me take the plate away for you so I can get you a new serving.”

Customer: “Feel my shrimp!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m not going to touch your shrimp.”

Customer: “Feel my shrimp or I’m leaving!”

Fowl Behavior, Part 3

, | Kelmscott, WA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, sir, can I take your order?”

Customer: “Uh, yeah…can I have two whole roast chickens?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we are all out at the moment. If you come back in 30 minutes, there will be some chickens available”

Customer: “But what about those chickens over there?” *points at plastic display chickens*

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but those are display chickens. They are not real.”

Customer: *raises voice* “I reckon those chickens are real and you’re just trying to keep them for yourself!”

(The customer stabs the chicken with a plastic knife from our tray. A chunk of polystyrene is taken out.)

Customer: “Oh, I guess you were telling the truth. I’ll come back in half an hour.”

Related:
Fowl Behavior, Part 2
Fowl Behavior
Fowl Play

Kill The Bill, Double The Trouble

, | Ohio, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we cannot accept $50 bills. It’s against our security policy.”

Customer: “When the h*** did this happen?”

Me: “Two years ago, ma’am.”

Customer: “I was in here last week and paid with a $100 bill.”

Me: “Ma’am, our register wouldn’t allow us to enter $100 bills. Do you happen to have a credit card?”

Customer: “What’s your name! I want to speak with your manager!”

Manager: “What’s the problem?”

Customer: “Your staff is lying by telling me he cannot accept a $50 bill. I was in here last week and paid with a $100 bill!”

Manager: “I was on register all last week, ma’am, and I would have told you the same thing. It’s against our policy to accept bills $50 or larger.”

Customer: “FINE!” *rips the bill in half* “HOW ABOUT NOW?”

Related:
Sometimes, Even Yoda Isn’t Enough

When Stupidity Hits The Pint Of No Return

| New York, NY, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I see you changed your sizes?”

Me: “Yeah, we had to change it from pint and quart because too many people were asking which was bigger. Now we’ve got large and small.”

Customer: “They can’t tell by the price?”

Me: “Maybe they aren’t stressing it in schools anymore.”

(A second customer walks in and looks at a menu for a second.)

Customer: “But that is sad, kids don’t know which is bigger.”

Customer #2: “What’s bigger?”

Me: “Pint or a quart.”

Customer #2: “That’s pathetic.”

(A few moments of silence pass.)

Customer #2: “So, which is bigger, the large or the small?”

Doesn’t Know Their A(merican)B(orn)C(hinese)’s

| Greenville, SC, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [Chinese restaurant], how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like an order for delivery.”

Me: “Okay, if you’ll just give me your-”

Customer: *cutting me off* “Is this a real Chinese restaurant?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “I’ve just never heard any one talk like you at a Chinese restaurant. I’m just making sure Americans aren’t cooking my Chinese food!”