Just Left The Grandma Zone Of Conversation

| FL, USA | Related | March 8, 2015

(I’m getting lunch with my mother, grandmother, and sister. Somehow, the discussion of my potential breast-reduction surgery has come up.)

Grandmother: “Did the doctor tell you about the risks?”

Me: “Yeah, there’s a low risk of not being able to breastfeed, as well as some possible numbness.”

Grandmother: “I hope not. My nipples were always my most impressive erogenous zone…”

Everyone Else: *chokes on food*

The Lord Of The Rings: The Next Generation

| Waverly, OH, USA | Related | March 7, 2015

(My grandsons have recently watched all of the Lord of the Rings and the Hobbit movies. The following happens when my son takes them out for dinner.)

Older Grandson: *to his younger brother* “Eat your potatoes.”

Younger Grandson: *in a hissing voice* “What’s taters, precious?”

(We are now a three-generation family of geeks.)

Your Very Own Loonie Tunes

| Waterloo, ON, Canada | Working | March 5, 2015

Cashier #1: “Okay, your total is $5.06.”

Me: “Here’s a $20, and I think I have a nickel around here somewhere.”

(Canadians have recently gotten rid of the penny, so we round. I hand the cashier a $20 bill and five cents.)

Cashier #1: “Here’s your change!” *hands me back a $10 bill and two toonies ($4)*

Me: “…the total was $20.06, right?”

Cashier #1: “Yup!”

Me: “You gave me $14 change.”

Cashier #1: “Yeah, I don’t have enough change to make the 96 cents.”

Me: “I gave you $20.06, it cost $5.06. You gave me $14. I’m just missing $1.”

Cashier #1: “Okay, one sec.”

(The cashier calls over one of the two other people working the already-slow kitchen.)

Cashier #1: “Could you get me some change?”

(There are a couple $1 coins sitting in clear view. It’s clear he’s not understanding.)

Me: “You know what? It’s okay; I don’t want to hold up the line.”

Cashier #2: “Okay, no worries.”

(Cashier #2 still proceeds to grab some money from the till, go to the back, and make small change for Cashier #1, who is doing nothing as the line grows. Cashier #2 comes back, painstakingly sorts the small change, and then Cashier #1 closes the till without giving me change. I then proceed to see one of the other staff offer my drink to someone else, realize it’s not theirs, and throw it out.)

Me: *sighs* “Clearly, today is not my day.”

Upgraded Complaints

, | MT, USA | Right | March 4, 2015

(I used to work at the local big-name ice cream and burger restaurant eight years ago. The night shift lead is the owner’s son that was just a little runt when I worked there. On this trip through the drive thru I order a small ice cream cone for me and a blended drink for my husband. We get the drink, but while the cashier is taking another order he opens the window:)

Shift Lead: “So, she accidentally made a large cone instead of a small one. Is that still okay?”

Me: *I raise an eyebrow and scoff dramatically* “No! It. Is. Not. Okay! You are giving me more for my money and it’s just unacceptable!”

Shift Lead: *grinning and handing me the cone* “Gosh darn us for giving you a free upgrade, right?”

Me: “Gripe, gripe, gripe. Obligatory threat to complain to your father, young man!”

Shift Lead: *laughing* “Yeah, you have a good night, too!”

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Oh Jews

| Greensboro, NC, USA | Working | March 3, 2015

(I wait tables at a local place known specifically for its ribs. Sauce on the side was a common request. A coworker runs into the back frustrated.)

Coworker: “I don’t f****** understand this guy. I’ve brought him six cups of sauce on the side and he’s mad. He wants a manager.”

(The manager isn’t back there so I go out to try and smooth things over.)

Me: “Sir, I understand there is an issue. Hopefully I can take care of it for you.”

Customer: “This better not be a joke. I’ve asked repeatedly for au jus and my server keeps bringing me cups of bbq sauce.”

(I grab the au jus from the line and the customer is satisfied. I hunt down my coworker.)

Me: “What just happened? He asked for au jus and you brought him a cup of bbq each time.”

Coworker: “Au jus? What’s that? I thought he was asking for ‘Jew sauce.'”

Me: *right eye starts twitching*

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