I’m working a lunch shift today, and my table is going well until after this guy and his wife cash out.

Customer: *Angrily* “I’ve never been anywhere that it costs $72 for a soup and salad!”

Me: “You also ordered two cosmos and grilled salmon for your salad, and your wife ordered two glasses of wine, a shot of whiskey, and two more food items.”

Customer: “Well, I’ve never been anywhere where it costs $72 for lunch. Also, this dressing was bad.”

Me: “Again, you got more than that, but I’d be happy to take seventy-five cents off for that extra dressing you asked for.”

We go back and forth with the same dialogue two or three more times, and I finally just say:

Me: “Okay, thanks. Have a great day!”

He calls me back over five minutes later.

Customer: “I’m ready to pay.”

Me: “Sir, you’ve already paid. Have a great day.”

I was so confused. He didn’t tip me, of course.

I’m a server at a popular restaurant in a college town. On the weekends, we have $15 bottomless mimosas. Today, we were pretty busy with a big brunch crowd, and it felt like almost all of my tables ordered bottomless mimosas. They got at least ten refills each, and toward the end of my shift, when I only had about three tables, I was still running back and forth frantically trying to keep up with their drinks. The bartenders were pissed at me. We ran out of orange juice and almost ran out of champagne, so I was giving them grapefruit and pineapple juice mimosas.

I had one table of girls that had to have had at least five bottles of champagne between the three of them and they didn’t even seem drunk. They ended up camping there and I had to stay an hour and a half past my shift just serving them drinks. I finally gave them their checks.

Me: “Totally no rush. You guys can keep ordering after you pay.”

When a server tells you this, they definitely want you to leave.

Twenty minutes later, they still hadn’t taken their cards out.

Me: “Hey, do you mind if I check you guys out? My shift was supposed to end an hour and a half ago.”

They were apologetic about it, and I felt bad, but I have homework to do! But I kind of just said f*** it because I got a hunch that they were going to be terrible tippers anyway. But they tipped me 20% each, and one tipped me almost 40%, so that was a nice little surprise!

I came back an hour later to get myself some food and they were STILL there, having other servers get them mimosas.

I’m eating at a sushi restaurant that has “sushi” in its name. A family of five come in: Grandma, dad, mom, teenage girl, and an eight-ish boy. They have to wait a little longer because they want to sit at one of those grills where they cook your meal in front of you.

The chef comes by, starts prepping and the kid goes berserk: bawling, kicking, snotting, the works. For a moment I thought he had burned a hand or something because he’d been hopping on his chair with no supervision despite the grill clearly being on and hot. The chef looks kinda uncomfortable and it takes the mom a few minutes (and the whole restaurant staring at them) before she even acknowledges the kid, while the rest of the family doesn’t even bother.

Mom: “What’s wrong?”

Boy: *Screaming.* “There are no burgers and fries on the menu!”

Mom: *To Chef:* “You can make my kid a burger. Should be easy as the grill is right here.”

Chef: *Politely.* “That isn’t possible, ma’am. You can only order from the menu.”

Mom: “You can do it, you just don’t want to.”

Chef: “We don’t have it on the menu, we don’t have the ingredients, I can’t just make it.”

Mom: “Well, if you wanted to give a good service, you’d offer to go buy the stuff. There’s a store down the hall.”

This goes on for quite a while, with the kid bawling all the time and the mother yelling. The rest of the family just keeps on eating, like it isn’t their business. I finished my meal and as it’s so unbearable (with all the screaming) I just pay my bill and leave.

The waitress just apologized. I felt so sorry for the restaurant’s staff.

I’m waitressing at a diner when a lady with her baby comes in to have breakfast with who I assume is her mother. It starts picking up when I take their order, and I have a full section in no time. I come out with their food.

Me: “Do you need anything else?”

Customer: “Everything is fine.”

So I go take care of the rest of my customers. I see the lady get up with her child, and I go check on their table. The old lady is glaring at me, but says everything is fine. About ten minutes later, I hand them their check and a couple of boxes. As they’re leaving, the old lady comes up to me:

Old Lady: “You have the worst customer service for not offering to watch the baby! Both of us couldn’t eat in peace!”

I wanted to say: “I didn’t realize that babysitting came along with being a server.” but instead just smiled and wished them a good day.

I’m a prep cook in a popular bar and grill restaurant in town. Today, I am working in the prep room chopping up the lettuce for salads when I see a waitress come to the back room, completely dumbstruck

Waitress: “This has got to be the dumbest complaint ever.”

Me: “Oh, God, dare I ask?”

Waitress: “This woman just ordered a bacon cheddar burger and complained that it tasted too much like beef!”

The woman changes her order to chicken fingers. As the manager is bringing them out, she turns to the rest of us.

Manager: “So help me, if she says these taste too much like chicken, I’m gonna scream.”