Has A Hand In Your Nerdism

| CT, USA | Romantic | May 12, 2015

(On one of our first dates, my boyfriend read my palms and sort of showed me how to do it. It is a month and a half later.)

Me: “Remember that time you showed me how to read palms?”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, why?”

Me: “Give me your hand; I want to try.”

Boyfriend: “Okay, let’s see how you do.” *he puts his palm in my hand*

Me: “See this line here? It means you’re a nerd.”

No Way To ‘Run’ A Restaurant

| Canada | Right | May 10, 2015

(I am a server and it is a busy Friday night. I have about six tables, one of those being a 12-top with about four kids.)

Me: “Hi, it’s really busy and I’d rather not run into your kid. Do you mind not letting them run around?”

Customer: “Are you serious? You can’t just watch where you are going?”

Me: “I’ll do my best.” *I smile and walk away*

(10 minutes later, I’m walking through the aisle with three plates in my hand and a child runs into me and steps on my foot, leading to a large bruise and me dropping all the plates, that were for their table.)

Customer: “ARE YOU F***ING KIDDING ME?! YOU NEED TO WATCH WHERE YOU ARE GOING! YOU COULD HAVE DROPPED THAT ON MY SON!”

Me: “I am so sorry. I tried but your son ran into me. I’ll get this food remade for you right away!”

Customer: No forget it; we are leaving! This is your fault! You’re the worst server I have ever had, almost hurting my son!”

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That Taught Him A Lesson

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Working | May 9, 2015

(I look really young, around 16 or 18, but I’m actually 25. I just finished my schooling and have gotten my license to become a high school teacher. One of the perks is 15% off at the restaurant my fiancé and I are eating at.)

Me: “Can we have the bill please? Oh, and I have a 15% off teacher discount.” *shows coupon code on phone*

Waiter: “Oh, yes, one moment. I just need to clear it with my manager.”

(The waiter leaves and after about five minutes comes back with the manager.)

Manager: “I’m sorry, Miss, but this discount is for teachers.”

Me: “I know. That’s why I’m using it.”

Manager: “No, sweetie, it’s for the TEACHERS, not their friends and family. I’m sure you or your mom didn’t know.”

Me: “Yeah, I know. I’m a high school teacher.”

Manager: “Haha, good one. I’ve had a lot of kids try to get discounts over the years, but that one takes the cake!”

Me: *pulls teaching license and photo ID out of wallet* “No, really, I’m a high school teacher.”

Manager: “This teaching license only has a name. You probably just have the same name as your mother.”

Me: “No, we don’t. Whatever, forget it. 15% isn’t worth the hassle.” *to fiancé* “Honey, it’s my turn to pay, right?”

Fiancé: “Nope! I’m taking it this time. I owe you since I accidentally woke you up last night climbing into bed.”

Manager: “Uh… I’ll be right back. I just noticed I made a mistake on your bill. Don’t move.”

(We assumed that maybe the manager finally decided to give us the discount and don’t think twice. However, a few minutes later…)

Security: “Sir, we’re gonna have to speak to you for a moment.”

Me: “What’s the problem?”

Security: “Oh, sweetie, nothing for you to worry about. We just want to ask your ‘friend’ a few questions. You’ll be perfectly safe and fine. How about you order yourself a little dessert, okay, honey?”

Me: “First of all, that’s my FIANCÉ you’ve got there, and secondly, I think you owe both of us an explanation.”

Security: “Wait a second… fiancé?” *looks at both of us, looks at the table, notices the wine bottle and the glasses, looks at us again* “Uh, miss, how old are you?”

Me: “25. We were both ID’d when we ordered, so this better not be about the wine.”

Security: “Oh, boy. Let me go get the manager…”

(Turned out, the manager freaked when he heard that my fiancé [who is 30 and definitely looks like it] was climbing into bed with what he thought was a high school student [me] and got security to intervene while he called the police. Luckily he was still on the phone when the security guard went to find him, so the cops were never actually involved. The manager never noticed the alcohol on the table [meaning I was at least 19 and very much legal] and failed to notice my birthday on my photo ID when trying to argue that I wasn’t a teacher. All he saw was “some kid trying to get a discount.” We ended up getting the entire meal for free for our trouble!)

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Waffling On Weirdly

| OH, USA | Friendly | May 7, 2015

(I am eating dinner with my husband at an outdoor restaurant, as the sun is setting. Two teenage girls are a little ways away from us. One girl takes a photo of the sunset with her phone, and we overhear this conversation.)

Girl #1: *typing* “One of the most beautiful views I’ve seen in a while. Waffle fry sunset, waffle fry outdoors, waffle fry sky…”

(She trails off as she sees the other girl looking at her strangely.)

Girl #1: “What?”

Girl #2: “Did you just call the hash-tag symbol a waffle fry?”

Girl #1: “Yeah. Why?”

Girl #2: *laughing* “You are so weird!”

Girl #1: “Come on, I’m not the only one who does it.”

(At this point, my husband decides to put his two cents in.)

Husband: *calling over* “It’s true! I do it all the time!”

Girl #1: *triumphantly* “See?!”

Needs Half A Voice Of Reason

, | Cleveland, OH, USA | Working | May 5, 2015

(I have lost most of my voice and go to see the doctor to make sure that I am not contagious and can safely go to work. The doctor clears me, but tells me that I should probably get some rest instead. Knowing we’ll be busy, I go to work and spend 11 hours helping customers, cleaning, and doing my regular job duties. Because it’s the holidays, we are especially busy, so I skip my lunch and dinner breaks. At the end of the night, my regular manager compliments me on my performance and gives me meal vouchers for skipping my breaks and helping out. Right after this, I get called into the general manager’s office for a chat. Note that my already hoarse voice is now just the barest whisper since I’ve been talking to customers all day and evening.)

Me: *whispering as loudly as possible* “[General Manager], you wanted to see me? Is something wrong?”

General Manager: “No, everything’s great. I just wanted to talk to you about your performance today.”

Me: *thinking he’s going to compliment me* “Oh, I didn’t mind skipping my breaks or anything. We were really busy!”

General Manager: “No, it’s not that. I’m just really disappointed in you.”

Me: “What? Why?”

General Manager: “How dare you come in here with half a voice. That’s not the image we want to project about [Company]!”

Me: “But I was cleared by the doctor. I’m not contagious. Next time should I take the day off instead?”

General Manager: “Don’t worry about it. You’re fired. Take your things and leave immediately. And you owe us $5 for your work shirt.”

(This was only the second week the restaurant had been open, and the general manager had fired at least a dozen people for similar things so far. The website says that the company treats its employees like beloved family!)

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