Don’t Be Tardis With His Order

| AR, USA | Food & Drink, Geeks Rule

(I am filling boxes for to-go orders. An order comes back without a name, so my boss gives me permission to write ‘Dr. Who’ on the box.)

Boss: “We’ve got a to-go!”

Me: “Sorry guys, I don’t have enough information on these grilled cheese sandwiches. And there’s not a name or phone number.”

Boss: “Oh, shoot.”

Me: “Should we wait until they get here?”

Boss: “We’ll just give them cheddar. If they don’t want them, we’ll make them new ones.”

(I write up the boxes with ‘Dr. Who’ and make the order. I see a young man picking up the no-name order. The following week…)

Waitress: “We’ve got an order from Doctor Who!”

Me: “Wait, really?”

Waitress: “Yep. He told me on the phone that he liked what we did with the boxes.”

(I check the ticket. It’s the same thing the young man ordered last week, with ‘Dr. Who’ written in the name spot. Looks like one of our regulars has a new nickname!)

The A(dobo) Team

| Lompoc, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, One-Liners

(I’m a chef at a Filipino restaurant. My boyfriend, his friend, and my sister, are also on duty with me. A customer in his late 20s comes in.)

Me: “Hello, sir! How are you today?”

Customer: “Hey, babe. Are you free tonight?”

Me: “Do you have something you want to order?”

(The customer gets angry.)

Customer: “Look, I just asked you if you had any plans tonight! Yes or no?!”

Me:“Sir, I have a boyfriend. If you don’t want to order anything, please leave.”

Man: “Ha! What are you gonna do? Huh! Your little boyfriend ain’t gonna do anything to me!”

Me: “Hannibal! B.A.! Face!”

(My boyfriend, his friend, and my sister start walking towards the man.)

Boyfriend: “B.A.? Will you please escort this man out of the premises?”

(My friend walks towards the customer, cracking his knuckles. The customer runs out of the restaurant.)

Boyfriend: “I love it when a plan comes together!”

Sister: “Shut up…”

Bigotry Unleashed

| Yonkers, NY, USA | Awesome Workers, Bigotry, Top

(A gay couple has just met up in the restaurant and kissed each other upon arrival. Another customer has seen this and is obviously angry.)

Angry Customer: “Damn f**s.”

Gay Man: “Excuse me?”

Angry Customer: “You heard me, you little s***. Let’s not make this into some little pride protest, okay? I have to accept that you’re going to live your lifestyle, and you have to accept that I’ve got freedom of speech.”

Gay Man: *quietly* “Is it too much to ask for a little human decency?”

Angry Customer: “Human? Listen up, what you’re doing is not human. I think I have the right to determine what I think is human.”

(The manager shows up. He’s a quiet Italian man who I assume is conservative due to the Christian imagery and portrait of Reagan he keeps around the restaurant.)

Angry Customer: *to the owner* “Hey, can you move either them or us to another table?”

(Instead of responding to the angry customer, the owner instead speaks to his wife.)

Owner: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we have a strict ‘no pets’ policy in my restaurant.”

Wife: “Uh, I, uh, what? I don’t have a—”

Owner: “Well, according to your talking monkey over here, I can determine who’s a human and who’s not. You bring an animal into my restaurant? I gotta assume it’s your pet.”

(The angry customer stormed out. When I left, the owner was giving his description, and copies of security camera footage, to the biggest crowd of police I’ve seen. Apparently it’s a bad idea to not pay your bill at a restaurant that gives free coffee to cops.)