Movies And Icebergs And A New Hope, Oh My

| Westchester, NY, USA | Romantic | December 29, 2014

(My boyfriend and I are discussing movies.)

Me: “[Boyfriend], I feel like I have to tell you something. But I know that if I tell you, it’s probably over between us.”

Boyfriend: “It’s okay. You can tell me anything and we’ll get through it.”

Me: “Okay. Well…I’ve never seen The Wizard of Oz.”

Boyfriend: “…”

Me: “Or Titanic.”

Boyfriend: “Eh…”

Me: “Or Star Wars.”

Boyfriend: “Okay, it’s over.”

I’m Driving Thru For Christmas

, | Vernon, BC, Canada | Right | December 26, 2014

(We close on Christmas Eve at 3:00 pm, and all employees get the duration of Christmas to spend with their family. It’s 3:20, and we’ve closed the lobby, and are letting all the customers who were in the drive-thru line before 3:00 through. It’s going decently, despite our lack of stock, until the last car.)

Me: “Hello, welcome to [Fast Food Chain]. What can I get for you?”

Young Man: “Hi, I’d like a medium Iced Capp, and an everything bagel, toasted, with cream cheese.”

Me: “Unfortunately, the Iced Capp machine is shut down, as we’re closing for Christmas Eve, and we’re all out of the everything bagel.”

Young Man: “WHAT!? This is completely unacceptable! You can’t just shut everything down! What time do you close!?”

Me: “Twenty minutes ago. There should be a sign under the speaker box.”

Young Man: “Uh… oh.”

Me: “Yeah… Is there anything else I can get for you?”

Young Man: “Uh… no, sorry.”

Me: “Well, have a good one.”

(The young man drives off and I take off my headset, foolishly believing that I had hit my stupid person quota for the day.)

Manager: “Hey, [My Name], can you finish taking out the trash?”

Me: “Sure.”

(I head out back with the last couple of trash bags, and take the lot of them to the dumpster across the parking lot. As I’m returning, I see a car, trying to drive over the curb and around the pylon barrier blocking the drive-thru that my manager had set up. I approach the vehicle.)

Me: “Uh, hello? Whatcha up to?”

Young Woman: “Oh, uh, hi. Yeah, I was wondering if you could like, move these cone-thingys. They’re blocking the drive-thru.”

Me: “Well, that’s because the drive-thru is closed. The whole store is closed so everyone can spend the holidays with their families.”

Young Woman: “Wow, that’s like, weird. How are people supposed to know the drive-thru is closed?”

Me: “Well if the large, orange pylons in front of the entrance are too subtle a hint, there’s also the sign taped to that middle one that says that the drive-thru is closed.”

Young Woman: “Oh, wow! I didn’t read that!”

Me: “Literacy is a beautiful thing.”

Young Woman: “…Huh?”

Me: “Never mind. Have a nice day, ma’am.”

(I walked back inside to finish cleaning and wondered about the bleak future of humanity.)

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First He’s A Vampire Hunter And Now This

| Galveston, TX, USA | Learning | December 23, 2014

(I’m attending an interfaith discussion group and today’s topic is how people of different faiths celebrate holidays.)

Discussion Leader #1: “A major Muslim holiday is Eid al-Adha, or the festival of Abraham’s Sacrifice of Ishmael…”

Man: “Who was Ishmael?”

Discussion Leader #1: “He was the son of Abraham by Hagar.”

Man: “Who was Hagar?”

Discussion Leader #2: “She was a slave. Sarah’s handmaiden.”

Man: “And who’s Sarah?”

(At this point the rest of the group is rolling their eyes and sighing.)

Discussion Leader #1: “She was Abraham’s wife.”

Man: *pause* “Huh, I didn’t know Abraham Lincoln was married…”

Causing Dis-Scent

, | OH, USA | Working | December 22, 2014

(I am asexual, and my coworkers have been extremely respectful of it. Several seasonal workers have been hired. During Christmas, I get a new scent lotion that I am wearing.)

Me: *walks to the back to get sauces*

New Hire: *sniffs* “You stink.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

New Hire:  “You stink.”

(I briskly walk up to the front, where a coworker I am very close to is.)

Me: “Hey, [Coworker #1], do I smell bad?”

Coworker #1: *sniffs* “No? Are you wearing [Scent Name]?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Coworker #1: “Smells good.”

(The new hire from the back comes up to the front, where Coworker #2 is. Coworker #2 relates the rest of this to me later.)

New Hire:  “Hey, [Coworker 2]? I need some help.”

Coworker #2: “Sure, kid.” *goes to the back* “What is it?”

New Hire: “I tried to hit on [My Name], but she seemed disgusted.”

Coworker #2: “What’d you say?”

New Hire: “I said she stinks, you know, like good perfume.”

Coworker #2: “…kid, that’s the wrong way of doing it. And [My Name] is asexual.”

New Hire: “So she goes both ways?”

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Christmas Is Spoiled For The Spoiled Customer

, | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Right | December 22, 2014

(I work in a fast food coffee and doughnut shop. Every year at Christmas we would be the only location within our area that remained open. This year the owners decide it isn’t worth keeping the location open. On Christmas Eve one of our regulars comes through the drive thru.)

Customer: “It is really unfair that you guys have to work the holidays. You should be at home with your families.”

Coworker: “Actually, we are closing this year, so we get to enjoy the holidays as well.”

Customer: “Wait, you are closing? What am I going to do? I need you guys to give me a coffee! How am I going to get through the day without a coffee?”

Coworker: “Have you ever thought of making it at home?”

Customer: “No! I can’t do that. It’s too much work! You need to make my coffee.”

Coworker: “Well, unfortunately, we won’t be here, so you will have to either go without for a day or make your own.”

Customer: “That’s not fair! What do you expect me to do?”

(She then drove off in a huff, and came in a couple days later complaining we ruined her Christmas because she couldn’t get a coffee.)

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