A Cup Is Over-Full Kind Of Person

, | Oakville, ON, Canada | Right | March 22, 2015

(We sell catering boxes of 15, 25, or 50 cups of frozen yoghurt, that customers can order for events. While the cups we offer in-store are 16 oz. or 25 oz., the cups we use for the catering boxes are much smaller at 6 oz. Therefore, when telling customers about the catering boxes, we have to make sure to mention this. I am helping a woman who is thinking of buying the 25-cup box.)

Customer: “So, does the yogurt come in these cups?”

Me: “No, for the catering boxes it comes in smaller, 6 oz. cups. I’ll show you.”

(I fetch a cup and show it to her. It is only a couple inches high and a little over twice as wide.)

Customer: “And that’s supposed to feed 25 people?!”

Me: “…One per person.”

(Pause…)

Customer: “OHHH.”

(Many people feel that size of cup isn’t big enough even for one person. I found it hilarious that she thought we expected one of them to be used by 25 people!)

His Hearing Is Week

, | OR, USA | Working | March 20, 2015

(I am a supervisor at a popular coffee chain. I had just started counting some product when I realized I had left my clipboard on the counter.)

Me: *to manager nearby* “Hey could you grab me that thing?” *makes dramatic reaching motions towards the clipboard*

Manager: “Um, sure.” *hands it to me with a look*

Me: “Yeah, it’s been one of those weeks…”

Manager: *mishears me* “Well, at least you’re honest about your choices…”

Me: “Wait, what?”

Manager: “You just said it was from all the weed.”

Me: “…No.”

Drive Through Democracy

, | TX, USA | Right | March 19, 2015

(A customer pulls up to my window, and he looks extremely similar to Bill Clinton.)

Me: “Has anyone ever told you that you look like Bill Clinton?”

Customer: “I did NOT have sexual relations with that woman!”

(The customer then proceeded, in full Clinton style, to light up a joint at my drive-through window.)

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My Number One Joke

, | CT, USA | Working | March 19, 2015

(I’m stationed at the front door as a greeter, and I also answer questions about our deals and policies and such. Our bathroom is in an odd place, and a lot of people ask me where they are. Towards the middle of a nine-hour shift, I decide to have some fun with people.)

Guest #1: “Excuse me, could you tell me where your bathroom is?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but that information is confidential.”

Guest #2: “Is there a bathroom I can use?”

Me: “We do have a bathroom but you’re not allowed to use it. Everyone else can but not you, sorry.”

(Everyone I did this to was amused, and I of course always directed them to the bathroom.)

Snacking On A Bad Attitude

, | York, England, UK | Right | March 19, 2015

(I work in a busy branch of a fast food place. When customers order burgers, it’s store policy to ask if they would like it as part of a deal, which is cheaper than if the food in the meal was purchased separately.)

Me: “Hello, sir, what can I get you?”

Customer: *giving me a somewhat disdainful look* “I want a [Burger] with fries and a large [Soda].”

Me: “Would you like that as part of a meal or are you buying them separately?”

Customer: *visibly annoyed, and still glaring at me* “No, I’m having them as a snack.”

(I laugh politely, thinking that he was trying to be funny.)

Me: *smiling on the outside, dying on the inside* “Is that a large meal or are you buying them separately?”

Customer: “I already told you, I’m having them as a snack.”

(I look at my supervisor like a deer in headlights. She takes over.)

Supervisor: “Sir, are you having your order as a meal or are you buying each item separately?”

Customer: *growing quite rude and ill-tempered now* “I’ve already told him that I want them as a snack. Doesn’t he understand simple instructions?”

(My supervisor is quite protective of her trainees. I know that the look in her eyes means she wants blood, but she remains calm and collected.)

Supervisor: *trying to remain polite* “We don’t sell meals as “snacks,” sir. Are you buying it for yourself or—”

Customer: *almost shouting* “Of course I am. Now get me my large [Burger] with fries and a [Soda]!”

Supervisor: *faces me and tells me to get his food prepared* “I’m ringing that up as a meal deal, sir. That’ll be £5.45, please.”

(Customer begrudgingly slams a £10 note on the counter and gives me a scathing glare as I hand him his food in a bag and he leaves the store in a huff. My supervisor realises something.)

Supervisor: “Did he want his meal to-go?”

Me: “No clue. But I did.”

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