Christmas Is Spoiled For The Spoiled Customer

, | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Right | December 22, 2014

(I work in a fast food coffee and doughnut shop. Every year at Christmas we would be the only location within our area that remained open. This year the owners decide it isn’t worth keeping the location open. On Christmas Eve one of our regulars comes through the drive thru.)

Customer: “It is really unfair that you guys have to work the holidays. You should be at home with your families.”

Coworker: “Actually, we are closing this year, so we get to enjoy the holidays as well.”

Customer: “Wait, you are closing? What am I going to do? I need you guys to give me a coffee! How am I going to get through the day without a coffee?”

Coworker: “Have you ever thought of making it at home?”

Customer: “No! I can’t do that. It’s too much work! You need to make my coffee.”

Coworker: “Well, unfortunately, we won’t be here, so you will have to either go without for a day or make your own.”

Customer: “That’s not fair! What do you expect me to do?”

(She then drove off in a huff, and came in a couple days later complaining we ruined her Christmas because she couldn’t get a coffee.)

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Causing Dis-Scent

, | OH, USA | Working | December 22, 2014

(I am asexual, and my coworkers have been extremely respectful of it. Several seasonal workers have been hired. During Christmas, I get a new scent lotion that I am wearing.)

Me: *walks to the back to get sauces*

New Hire: *sniffs* “You stink.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

New Hire:  “You stink.”

(I briskly walk up to the front, where a coworker I am very close to is.)

Me: “Hey, [Coworker #1], do I smell bad?”

Coworker #1: *sniffs* “No? Are you wearing [Scent Name]?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Coworker #1: “Smells good.”

(The new hire from the back comes up to the front, where Coworker #2 is. Coworker #2 relates the rest of this to me later.)

New Hire:  “Hey, [Coworker 2]? I need some help.”

Coworker #2: “Sure, kid.” *goes to the back* “What is it?”

New Hire: “I tried to hit on [My Name], but she seemed disgusted.”

Coworker #2: “What’d you say?”

New Hire: “I said she stinks, you know, like good perfume.”

Coworker #2: “…kid, that’s the wrong way of doing it. And [My Name] is asexual.”

New Hire: “So she goes both ways?”

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The Great Mushroom Slaughter

, | WV, USA | Working | December 20, 2014

(I’ve ordered a chicken meal with a side of breaded mushrooms.)

Server: *at drive through* “Sorry for your wait. We kill our own mushrooms.”

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Going Through A Bad Spell At Work

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Working | December 19, 2014

(I am a known Harry Potter fan at work. This occurs while my coworkers and I are cleaning up after the restaurant is closed.)

Coworker: *with the broom*Wingardium Leviosa!”

Me: “That’s the wrong spell for that.”

Coworker: “No, I was trying to levitate your jaw shut so you’d stop talking.”

Me: “Oh, look, it’s levitating my middle finger!”

They’re Driving You To (The Wrong) Drink

, | Portland, OR, USA | Working | December 19, 2014

(My boyfriend and I are in a packed drive-thru to get dinner for ourselves and his mother. When we pull up to the speaker, I order each of us meals with medium fries and three drinks: a rootbeer with no ice, a rootbeer with ice, and a Sprite. We pull up to the pay window:)

Cashier: “So you ordered the [five meals with popular energy drink].”

Me: “Erm, no…”

Cashier: “Okay, [children’s meal]?”

Me: *lists of a few menu items we ordered*

(The cashier calls over a manager since she cannot seem to find our order. My boyfriend and I are mildly bemused but shrug it off as first-day flustered-ness. We finally get our food.)

Boyfriend: “Oh wow, they really skimped us on fries.” *holds up a half-full, small container of fries*

Me: “Yeah, and I think we’re gonna have to split your root beer.” *takes sip* “Scratch that. This is Coke.”

Boyfriend: “At least our food turned out okay… Is [Mom]’s sprite supposed to be blue?!”

(It was, in fact, the energy drink from the first order. And since we were already on the freeway and the line had been so packed, we couldn’t go back and fix any of it.)

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