And The Thigh Bone’s Connected To The

, | Newport, UK | Uncategorized

Customer: “I’ll have two wings, one breast, and one side-breast.”

Cashier: “Side-breast?”

Customer: “Yes, side-breast…” *repeats order*

Cashier: “What’s that?”

Customer: “Well, you have the breast, which is the front of the chicken, and the side-breast, which is half of the breast.”

Cashier: “Well, we don’t do that. We have thighs, legs, wings, ribs, and breast.”

Customer: “No, you have side-breast! I always have side-breast! There it is–those ones there!”

(The customer points to a pile in one of the heating units.)

Cashier: “Oh, you mean rib!”

Customer: “Yes, side-breast!”

Well, It’s The Sponge’s Day Off

| Ord, NE, USA | Food & Drink

(It’s my first time running drive-through. The floor manager and one or two other employees also have their headsets on.)

Me: “Welcome to [restaurant]. What can I get you?”

Customer: “I will have a chicken sandwich, and my grandson will have a Crabby Patty kids meal.”

(The floor manager’s jaw drops. The other employees burst out laughing.)

Me: *trying not to laugh* “Ma’am, we don’t have Crabby Patties. Those are off of a kids’ TV show.”

Customer: “Oh…well, do you have anything like it?”

Meathead In The Making

| Orange County, CA, USA | Food & Drink

(I am a server assistant at a popular 40’s style diner.)

Customer: “Excuse me, there’s something wrong with my burger.”

Me: “What is it?”

Customer: “Well, it doesn’t have a bun.”

Me: “Hmm, what did you order?”

Customer: “The all-natural, low-carb burger.”

Me: “Well, the bun is made of bread which is loaded with carbs. So, if you wanted a low-carb burger, there would be no bun.”

Customer: “Oh…that makes sense now!”

Illegalize Stupidity

| Kansas City, MO, USA | Food & Drink

Guest #1: “What’s a Flaming Dr. Pepper?”

Me: “It’s a shot of Amaretto topped with Bacardi 151 and set on fire. You drop it into half a beer and chug it. It tastes just like a Dr. Pepper.”

Guest #1: “We’ll take two.”

Me: “Sorry, since they’re on fire, we can’t serve them. It violates city fire code.”

Guest #2: “C’mon, we want to try it.”

(I explain that if they drink them at the bar in front of me I’ll allow it. I pour the half beers, the shot of Amaretto, and top it with the 151. I place all this in front of them and light the shots on fire.)

Guest #1: “Now what?”

Me: “Hold the beer in one hand and the shot in the other.”

(They do so.)

Me: “Now drop the shot.”

Guest #1: “Drop the shot?”

Me: “Drop the shot.”

(Guest #2 drops the shot in the beer and begins to chug as instructed. Guest #1 misunderstands and drops the shot on the bar, spilling the now flaming shot all over the counter. The Bacardi, as well as the flames, spread. I put it out but it takes a few moments and it is a little frightening.)

Me: “Now, do we know why they are illegal to serve?”

Will That Be Paper Or Plastic

, | Kildare, Ireland | Food & Drink, Money

Customer: “Can I get a cheeseburger and a bottle of water?”

Me: “Yes, that’s $3.70, please.”

(The customer holds out five napkins and starts counting them. He then hands them to me as payment.)

Me: “Sorry, do you have $3.70?”

Customer: *points at napkins* “Yea, there! Look!”

Me: “Those are not money. Do you have any money to pay?”

Customer: “Yeah! I’m paying with napkins!”

Coworker: “Sorry, we only take money…”

(Eventually, security had to come and him (and his napkins) away from the tills.)

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