Zinfandel Infidel

| Ann Arbor, MI, USA | Right | May 11, 2016

(I work at a rather expensive restaurant with an extensive wine list. I often have customers that claim to be “wine connoisseurs” and this table is no exception.)

Woman: “I’d like a Riesling, please.”

(I usually offer customers a taste first as our Riesling is on the dry side and most people are expecting something sweet.)

Woman: *trying sample* “Oh, no, I want something sweeter.”

Me: “We also have a dessert wine that is much sweeter.”

Woman: “No, I’ll just have a zinfandel instead.”

(I find this odd but I bring her a glass anyways.)

Me: “Here’s your wine.”

Woman: “This isn’t what I ordered.”

Me: “Yes, this is our house zinfandel.”

Woman: “Oh, I didn’t know they made a red zinfandel!”

(She ended up loving the wine though!)

Pointing Up At The Birdie

| OH, USA | Related | May 11, 2016

(My grandparents and my immediate family are going out to dinner at a restaurant where they give free balloons to kids. My three-year-old brother lets go of his by accident, and it floats to the ceiling.)

Brother: “Uh-oh.”

Grandma: “What is it?”

(My brother points to the ceiling with his middle finger, not knowing what it means.)

Mom: *shocked* “Who taught him how to do that?”

Me: *laughing* “Mom, he was pointing to his balloon on the ceiling.”

(Everyone looks up and sees the balloon, and begins laughing.)

Grandma: “I was going to say, I didn’t think I was THAT bad!”

Serving Them Ain’t No Picnic

| Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Right | May 10, 2016

(Eight or so elderly women wander in to the restaurant and ask to look at the menu, during our quiet time between lunch and dinner. I glance at the manager and he nods to seat them. One woman takes it upon herself to be the spokesperson.)

Me: “Okay, ladies, we are only serving coffee and cake this afternoon as the kitchen has closed until dinner. Is that okay?”

Customer: “That is fine, dear. We are only after a coffee and a chat.”

Me: “No problem. I will arrange a table for you all and be back with the menus.”

(After ten minutes or so, I have a table and they have all sat down. As I start round the table I notice that only one or two are ordering anything. I ask if that is all they all nod and I off to grab their drinks. When I get back I notice that the women have taken packets of crackers and dips and cheese and all sorts of things out of their bags and have set them up on the table like a picnic!)

Me: “Um, excuse me, ladies, but you are not allowed to bring your own food into the restaurant. I will have to ask you to put that all away.”

Customer: “Pardon me; what did you say?”

Me: “You can’t bring food into a restaurant. You will have to put that away until you leave.”

Customer: *getting very haughty* “Well, I have never been treated so rudely! We are paying customers and if we want to sit and chat and have a nibble that is our right!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, that is your right if you were at a park or your home, but as we are a restaurant that makes money by supplying food and drink to people, you are being rude.”

(At this she asked for the manager. Lucky he had seen the whole thing, came to the table, and promptly requested the same as myself, at which the ladies packed up their food, stood up, and left complaining the whole time about how rude we were and how they will never be back. All I could say was “What a pity” with a big fake smile on my face.)

Date Is Suddenly On Fire

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Romantic | May 9, 2016

(I, female, am on a first date with a guy from an online dating site. My roommate, male, and I had signed up on the site at the same time, and have a habit of “safety calling” each other in the middle of dates to make sure everything is going all right. The location for this particular date happens to be about two blocks from where my roommate works as a firefighter. On my way to the restaurant, I turn off the ringer on my phone because my ex-boyfriend is being annoying and calling me, and I want to be in a better frame of mind than dealing with him when I go on this date. Fast-forward about two hours; Date and I are having a fabulous time.)

Waitress: “Um, are you [My Name]?”

Me: “Yes?”

Waitress: *holding out a cordless phone* “I have a [Roommate] on the phone here for you?” *she looks REALLY uncomfortable, like she wondered if that’s my boyfriend on the phone and am I cheating with this guy*

Me: *look of horror on my face* “Oh, no! I turned off my ringer! He’s probably been trying to–! Oh, my God!” *takes phone* “I am SO sorry!”

Roommate: “You’d better be. I haven’t met this guy, I’m on the island until tomorrow, and if you hadn’t answered the phone, you’d have a big red truck showing up at the restaurant. I was going to send the guys to do a welfare check.”

Me: “Thanks, [Roommate]. That wouldn’t have been embarrassing at all.”

Roommate: “Leave your ringer on next time? I was worried.”

Me: “Aww, everything’s going fine. I’ll call you when I’m back at home.” *hangs up, hands phone back to waitress* “So… yeah… that’s the roommate I was telling you about. The one who calls to check in with me on every date?”

Date: “I could hear something about a truck?”

Me: “Yeah… his fire-hall is just up the street, and if he hadn’t been able to get ahold of me, he would have asked them to do a welfare check. Here. At the restaurant.”

Date: “That would have been fun…”

(Cue laughter from both of us. We had a great time on that date, and on the next few, but we didn’t really click. However, the roommate and I have been together for years now, so everything worked out wonderfully in the end!)

Will Say It Vegan And Again

| Santa Fe, NM, USA | Working | May 9, 2016

(This restaurant is known for having vegan options of traditional Santa Fe foods. I am not vegan.)

Me: “Hi, could I get the chicken tortilla soup without the cheese or sour cream on top?”

Worker: “Vegan?”

Me: “No, I want the chicken, just not the sour cream or cheese. I don’t really like them.”

Worker: “So, vegan?”

Me: “No, I want the chicken. Just the regular soup, please, without the topping.”

Worker: “…Vegan?”

Me: “Just regular chicken soup. Chicken chicken. Please.”

(I got home, opened the soup, and began eating… only to realize the chunks of chicken were actually tofu!)

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