Waitressing Is A Soul-Destroying Profession

| MA, USA | Working | February 7, 2015

(It is my 18th birthday, and I’m very excited to go out for a nice dinner with some friends. I’ve made it clear to them that I don’t, by any means, want the staff of the restaurant to sing to me, so please don’t mention any birthdays. Sure enough, one friend accidentally mentions it to our waitress as she passes by.)

Waitress: “Oh, your birthday! You want the free dessert when we come out to sing to you?”

Me: “Oh, please, no, don’t do the song. If you have a soul, please don’t do the song.”

Waitress: “Oh, honey, I’m a waitress. I don’t have a soul.” *she laughs a weird, creepy laugh, as if I was supposed to find that funny* “But, fine, I won’t have anyone come out and sing, but you’ll still get the free [dessert], all right?”

Me: “Thank you, but really, I don’t need the free dessert.”

(We finish eating our entrees and chat for a bit, when I hear the worst sound in the world: an entire staff of a restaurant clapping in unison.)

Staff: “Happy, happy birthday, from [Restaurant] to you. We wish it was our birthday, so we could party, too!”

Waitress: *puts the dessert on the table* “See? I said I don’t have a soul! Hahaha! Here’s your check, folks. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

Me: *absolutely lost for words, wishing I was invisible as now the entire restaurant is staring directly at me* “Uh… guys, please eat this as fast as possible so we can pay and get the f*** out of here.”

Accenting The Listening Problem

, | WA, USA | Right | February 6, 2015

(I’m working in the drive-thru and taking orders. Note: I have no accent and I’m frequently complimented on how clearly I speak in the drive-thru.)

Me: “Hi would you like to try our new sandwich?”

Customer: “ENGLISH!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Oh, you do speak English.”

Me: “Yes, sir, I’ve been speaking English this entire time.”

Customer: “I thought you were speaking another language.”

Fishing For Laughs

| Australia | Friendly | February 6, 2015

(I’m entering a popular sandwich shop in a small town. As I’m walking in, a woman and a man, neither of whom I have ever seen before, are walking out. The man is holding a boy about three years old.)

Man: *turning to me* “I went fishing on the weekend! I caught one this big!” *turns the boy upside down and holds him by the ankle*

Woman: *exasperatedly* “Would you stop doing that?!”

Hunger Makes You A Different Person

| MT, USA | Related | February 6, 2015

(My husband, son, and I have just walked into a restaurant that calls out names over the speaker when their food is ready.)

Voiceover Speaker: “Lindsay, your order is ready. Lindsay!”

Husband: “Quick! Go be Lindsay!”

No Longer Power-Mad Over Those With Power

, | TN, USA | Right | February 5, 2015

(At the fast food place where I work we’re constantly getting customers complaining about the prices of our food, mostly when it’s only women working the counter. Though we tell them they can call the number provided to complain to our main branch, they never do. This day, however, corporate representatives, including the owner of the store, was at our restaurant for a routine inspection.)

Customer: “I can’t believe how high this stuff is! This is ridiculous!”

Manager: “I’m sorry, sir, but we have no control over the prices.”

Customer: “It’s still f***ed up! You need to lower the prices!”

Manager: “Sir, I have no control the price of the food. However, if you have a problem with it, you can go talk to the man in the tie right over there. He’s the one that sets the prices.”

(The man looks at the owner and turns back, red-faced. He takes his food and leaves the store, not even glancing back in the direction of the owner.)

Manager: “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

(He’s never complained about the prices since.)

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