Going On A Playful Trip

| Cremona, Italy | Related | January 15, 2015

(My dad and I are walking down towards a small cafe when we see a man burst out running and a waiter follow soon after.)

Waiter: “Stop! Stop him!”

(My dad looks uncertain but sticks his foot out and trips the ‘runner.’)

Runner: *falls and curses*

(The waiter catches up and pins him against the wall. Later we see him drag him away back to the cafe.)

Me: “Wow, such action.”

Dad: “I thought they were playing because they were smiling!”

Me: “Then why’d you trip him?”

Dad: “…”

(When we ate at the cafe the waiter gave us 50% off!)

Trying To Con The Family Business

| Exeter, England, UK | Right | January 14, 2015

(I take a male customer’s order with him constantly asking about prices.)

Customer: “Oh, can we have the family discount?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Yeah, I always get a discount here. The owner lets me.”

Me: “He hasn’t told me anything…”

Customer: “Yeah, the owner is my brother and he always gives me the family discount.”

Me: “Okay, then… let me just ask him.”

(I signal the owner over as the customer panics and goes bright red. His family also start nudging him.)

Me: “Uh, your brother wants a discount.”

(The customer sheepishly smiles as the owner explodes in happiness.)

Owner: “Oh, my God, Jenny! I didn’t know you’d had a sex change. If you wanted to do that you could have at least kept your hair. Also you’ve put on a h*** of a lot of weight and lost over a foot in height! Why would you do that?”

(The whole restaurant was looking and the customer’s family rushed him out quicker than the owner could continue talking. Some bosses are awesome.)

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Putting The Green Into The Machine

, | Seattle, WA, USA | Right | January 14, 2015

(The customer orders her food and starts to drive off before the total was told.)

Employee: “The total will be $10.27.”

Customer: *muffled, because she’s pulled forward* “Did you received my $20.”

Employee: “I’m sorry.”

Customer: *still muffled* “Did you get my $20?”

Employee: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Could you please pull up to the first window and we’ll take care of it?”

(The customer pulls up to the drive thru window.)

Customer: “I was asking if you received my $20. I put it in the machine.”

Employee: *trying not to laugh* “Ma’am, we don’t have a machine. We take cash at the window.”

Customer: “Oh, I guess my money is outside, then.”

(One of the employees was sent out to get the customer’s money from the drive thru speaker.)

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The Sky Is The Zip Code Limit

| NJ, USA | Related | January 13, 2015

(It’s a slow day. I only have two or three tables filled at the time, one of which is a mother with two young daughters, the oldest looking no more than five, and young lady who, from overhearing the conversation, is either her sister or sister-in-law. I’ve taken their order a while back and the young girl is filling out the kid’s place mat: a map of America with some landmarks to match to states. The map is just America.)

Little Girl: “Aunty, where are we?”

Aunt: “Well, New York is here so we should be about here:” *points to New Jersey on the map*

Little Girl: “And where do you live?”

Aunt: “Hmm… well, Montana is here so Calgary would be about here.”

(She then puts a dot above the map with one of the crayons and looks over to the mom to confirm the location. The little girl’s eyes light up in amazement.)

Little Girl: “Aunty, you live in the sky?!”

CAN’T Spell

| CT, USA | Related | January 12, 2015

(My dad and I are talking to my mom, describing something funny that happened in an episode of a TV show he and I watch together. We’re in a fairly crowded restaurant, with both older and younger diners surrounding us.)

Me: “So the main character volunteers to write an obituary for his wife’s aunt who had just died, but the newspaper printed it wrong.”

Dad: “Yeah, they spelled the word ‘aunt’ wrong. Instead of an ‘A,’ they used a ‘C.'”

Me: “Isn’t that funny?”

Mom: “So you mean they spelled ‘cant’?”

(My dad and I look at each other and then at my mom.)

Me: “Nooo, they spelled a-u-n-t, but used a ‘C’ instead of the ‘A.'”

Mom: *very loudly* “OOOOH, C**T!”

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