Different Degrees Of Understanding

| CA, USA | Popular, Uncategorized

(A customer asked me an irrelevant question I didn’t know the answer to…)

Me: “I’m really not sure. I’m sorry.”

Customer: “Well, I guess that’s why you’re a waitress.”

Me: *in disbelief* “I actually have a Bachelor’s degree in education.”

Customer: “So you think having a degree automatically makes you smart?”

Me: “Well, you seem to think that being a waitress automatically makes you trashy.”

(She sat there speechless for a few seconds, and then demanded to speak to my manager about my rudeness. Other customers vouched for me and I did not get in trouble.)

What The Fructose

| Australia | Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I am working front of house at a family Italian restaurant. A customer is ordering.)

Customer: *after placing order* “…also, I’m fructose intolerant so I’m allergic to onion, garlic, and tomatoes and I am gluten intolerant as well.”

(I tell this to the chef and he laughs.)

Chef: “Then what the f*** is she doing in an Italian restaurant!?”

(He then makes her a super basic salad that’s essentially lettuce with balsamic vinegar and some carrot.)

Not Quite The Creme Brûlée Of The Crop

| Australia | Food & Drink

(A customer at a table I’m not serving beckons me over as I walk past.)

Me: “Is there anything I can help you with?”

Customer: “Is this a creme brûlée?”

Me: “Yes. Is that what you ordered? Is something wrong with it?”

Customer: “Oh, this isn’t what I thought a creme brûlée was. This is like… hard sugar with custard underneath… Am I supposed to pay for this?”

(She had already eaten three quarters of it at this point.)

Me: “I’ll go get our team leader to sort this out for you…”

(She then spent ages googling creme brûlée on her phone to try and prove that ‘hard sugar with custard underneath’ isn’t a creme brûlée.)

Pinot No No

| Lake District, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Popular

(I work on the bar of a small restaurant that attracts a lot of upscale clientele. Our selection of wines is large for the size of the business, but we only have eight that we do by the glass (the house wines). A well-dressed gentleman aged around fifty approaches.)

Me: “Good evening, sir.”

Customer: “I’ll have a small glass of Pinot Grigio.”

Me: “I’m sorry; we don’t have a Pinot by the glass. We do have a dry Italian white that is similar, though.”

Customer: *as though I’d slapped him across the face* “What kind of place is this? I’ve never heard of a restaurant not having a house Pinot Grigio. What else do you have?”

Me: “We have the Italian white, which as I said is similar to a Pinot grape, as well as Sauvignon Blanc and Chardonnay.”

Customer: “But you do sell Pinot Grigio?”

Me: “By the bottle, yes. It’s £18.95.”

Customer: “Then I’ll have a small glass of that. How hard is that to understand?”

Me: *losing patience* “We do not sell that particular wine by the glass, sir. If I open the bottle, I am required to charge you for the entire bottle and not just one glass. What I can serve you by the glass is this particular dry white –” *picking up the bottle* “– which is the most similar to a Pinot Grigio we have.”

Customer: *sighs* “Fine, I’ll try that one.”

(I pour him a small glass of the Italian white. He proceeds to aerate the wine as though he is a professional wine taster, before smelling it, sipping it and smiling.)

Customer: “Yes, this is a lovely Pinot Grigio. I’ll take a bottle, please.”

Me: *head-bangs the wall after he leaves*

What’s Cold Is So Hot Right Now

, | Monroe, WI, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Funny Names, Popular

(I work at a very well known fast food place and am almost always the order taker and cashier during night shifts. One of my regular customers always gets the same thing: large coffee, seven creams and seven sugars. One time she said she wanted to try the iced coffee we have and wanted her usual.)

Me: “So you have hot coffee and cold coffee in on order. Makes me think of Katy Perry.”

Customer: *laughs* “You’re right; I didn’t think of that.”

Me: *jokingly* “Next time you want to order this you should ask for a ‘Katy Perry Order.’”

Customer: “I might just do that!”

(A couple nights later:)

Me: “Thank you for stopping at [Restaurant]. Order when you’re ready!”

Customer: “Yeah. I’d like one Katy Perry order, please!”

(I smile at it to this day and she still comes through with that order.)