Can’t Spell Without Without With

, | Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Food & Drink

(A customer pulls up in our drive thru. Note that our bacon cheeseburger is made exactly the same as our cheeseburger, except for the bacon. The bacon cheeseburger is also more expensive.)

Me: “Hi there, what can I get for you today?”

Customer: “Hi, I’d like a bacon cheeseburger with no bacon. Just mayonnaise and ketchup.”

Me: “Okay, so a cheeseburger with only mayo and ketchup.”

Customer: “No, a bacon cheeseburger with no bacon, and only mayonnaise and ketchup.”

Me: “Well, our cheeseburger is made exactly the way we make our bacon cheeseburger, except it has bacon on it and it costs more. So a bacon cheeseburger with no bacon is a cheeseburger.”

Customer: “NO! You don’t understand! I want a BACON CHEESEBURGER, with NO BACON, just mayonnaise and ketchup!”

Me: “I understand ma’am, but if I charge you for a bacon cheeseburger with no bacon, it’s more expensive than buying a cheeseburger, which is the same thing.”

Customer: “I DON’T CARE! I want a bacon cheeseburger with NO BACON! Just mayonnaise and ketchup!”

Me: “All right then.” *charges her for a bacon cheeseburger with no bacon* “That will be $*.** at the first window.”

(The customer comes up to the window and reads her receipt, looking satisfied.)

Customer: “Now, was that so hard?”

Vulgar Verbage

, | Colchester, CT, USA | Rude & Risque

(I am making casual conversation with a pleasant customer, who is however, somewhat odd. At some point, a coworker of mine joins the conversation.)

Customer: “Hey, those shirts look kinda tight on you guys.”

Me: “Yeah, the green sizes run smaller than the blue ones, I think.”

(The customer points to my coworker.)

Customer: “Yeah, her shirt is like, vagina-ing open on her chest.”

Simple Menus Vs. The Simple-Minded

, | Australia | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(Our shop has a very basic menu of chicken burgers, chips, and chicken pieces.)

Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

Customer: “I don’t know what this is…”

(The customer stares blankly at the menu for about 10 seconds.)

Customer: “No. No! I don’t know what any of this is!” *walks away*

Me: *speechless*

The Point Of Pointing Fingers

| New Orleans, LA, USA | Food & Drink

(I am working the lunch shift when the phone rings.)

Me: “[Restaurant], this is Lisa speaking. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Who is this?”

Me: “This is Lisa, at [restaurant].”

Customer: “You called me.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, this is a business, so any number of people could have called you. Do you know anyone who works here?”

Customer: “No, you called me!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: *raising her voice* “YOU called ME!”

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t know what to tell you. I did not dial you.”

Customer: *yelling* “You called me!”

Me: “Okay, have a nice day!” *click*

Me, to coworker: “I am never answering the phone again.”

A Dick By Any Other Name

| New Jersey, USA | Rude & Risque

Me: “May I have your name, please?”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “When your order is ready to be collected, we call you by name.”

Customer: “I’m not giving you my name!”

Me: “Well, give me a name that we can refer to you by.”

Customer: “I’m not giving you my name!”

Me: “It doesn’t have to be your real name. I just need a name we can announce over the speaker so you know when to pick up your order.”

Customer: “Why would I respond to a name that’s not mine?”

Me: “Well, give us something that we can call you by.”

Customer: “Then, how would I remember that’s me?”

Me: “You can write it down.”

Customer: “Okay, call me Dick. I’m pretty sure I can remember that. I’ll be holding mine until you call.”

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