Take A Humble Sip From The Dixie Cup

| Washington, DC, USA | Bigotry, Geography, Theme Of The Month, Top

(I am originally from Georgia, but am attending university in DC. Because of where I was raised, I have a noticeable southern accent. I work at a local sports bar to help pay my tuition, and am serving two young men.)

Me: “Hi, can I get y’all something to drink?”

(Customer #1 scoffs, and imitates me with an exaggerated accent.)

Customer #1: “Yawwwwlll?”

Customer #2: “If I wanted to star in Deliverance, I would’ve gone to Alabama!”

Customer #1: “Man, I’m sick of you hicks coming up here! You guys should all stay south of the Mason-Dixon line!”

Me: “Actually, sir, geographically, DC is south of the Mason-Dixon.”

Customer #1: “What do you know? You probably dropped out of high school and married your baby mama at 16!”

Me: “Actually, I graduated as valedictorian from my high school, and I currently study history at [prestigious university]. I’m getting my Bachelor’s and Master’s degrees at the same time, and have a 4.0 GPA. I’m also gay, and have a long term boyfriend. So, no, I didn’t marry my ‘baby mama’.”

(Both customers are speechless.)

Me: “Now that I’m done breaking your archaic stereotypes, can I get y’all anything to drink?”

Lying Is All Relative(s)

| NC, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Money, Top

(I am working in my father’s cafe. A customer orders a substantial amount of food.)

Me: “Okay. That will be $36.19 please.”

Customer: “Oh, no. I’m the owner’s brother, so I get all of my food half price.”

Me: “Um, okay. That will still be $36.19, sir.”

Customer: “Excuse me! Do you know who I am!? Now ring my order up right, or I’ll get your purple-haired a** fired!”

Me: “Okay, give me moment.”

(I turn around to the grill line, where my father is cooking.)

Me: “Hey, daddy! This guy says he’s my uncle, and if I don’t give him a discount you’ll fire my purple-haired a**. What should I do?”

(I have never seen someone run out of a restaurant so fast in my life!)

The Scam Doesn’t Fit The Bill

| Waterville, OH, USA | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers, Money

(I’m working the counter during the breakfast shift. The customer pays with a $10 bill. I hand back the change.)

Customer #1: “You shorted me $10; I gave you a $20!”

Customer #2: “You did. I saw him; he paid with a $20.”

Me: “Okay, let me check; just one moment.”

(I go and grab the manager’s keys to open the drawer. I’m already suspicious, since Customer #2 was so quick to speak up. I pull out the entire cash drawer and shelf.)

Me: “There aren’t any $20s in here.”

(I hold up the shelf were we usually put the $20 bills, to show them it’s empty.)

Customer #1: “Um, never mind…”

(After they leave, it dawns on me that the manager had just moments before emptied my drawer of $20s. Thank goodness for that!)