Never Too Late (Or Early) To Apologize

| Canberra, ACT, Australia | Right | January 22, 2015

(A young woman in her late teens approaches the counter — her face is beet red. I’m a new hire and don’t want to deal with her, as she’s clearly angry, but she catches my eye before I can hide in the back.)

Me: “Good morning, ma’am! What can I get for you today?”

(The woman glares at me, but takes a deep breath and rubs at her eyes– then holds up her hand as though she is physically restraining herself from doing anything stupid.)

Customer: “Look. My boyfriend just broke up with me and I’m really not in a good mood but I’m not angry with you and I’m really sorry you have to deal with me because I’m going to be rude and mean and you don’t deserve that. Okay? Sorry in advance.”

Me: *taken aback* “Er… all right?”

Customer: “Could I f****** get the unhealthiest f****** thing on your f****** menu, please? F***.”

(Here’s the kicker: she was much more polite than most people I dealt with that day!)

See this story as a comic!

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More Money Less Friendships

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Friendly | January 22, 2015

(My best friend and I spontaneously decide to go to a restaurant. We order a shared combo. Since we didn’t plan ahead, I don’t have a chance to go to an ATM beforehand.)

Me: “Hey, I don’t have much cash on me.”

Friend: “How much do you have?”

Me: *tells her*

Friend: “That’s not enough. You’re not allowed to eat as much.”

(During the entire meal, my friend kept reminding me to eat less and didn’t let me touch her favorite dishes. Later, her mom came to pick us up and offered to pay for the meal. My friend insisted that her mom paid for her share only and made me empty my wallet. Later, after a similar incident, I called her stingy and she got really offended. She ran off to fetch a dictionary so that she could read out the definition to me and prove that she’s not stingy. Needless to say, we didn’t remain friends long.)

Flogging A Dead Animal

| Springfield, MO, USA | Right | January 22, 2015

(As one of the eight fast-food restaurants that is within walking distance to the three college campuses in our town, our joint gets it’s fair share of college kids. And idiots. We are extremely busy on Thanksgiving when this happens.)

Me: *answering the phone as I take a guest’s money* “Happy Thanksgiving! How can I help you?”

Caller: “I want to file a complaint.”

Me: “Oh. Well, sir, our manager is really busy right now making food; can I help you, instead?”

Caller: “I came into your restaurant earlier today, and I got a [Burger] sandwich. I took it home, and tried to eat it, but my dog took it from me, and now he’s dead.”

Me: “Uh…”

Caller: “Well?! I want something done!”

(At this point, I hear sniggering in the background, and realize that this is another prank-call. I fake a laugh, and hang up the phone, getting back to work with our huge queue. Minutes later, the phone rings again.)

Me: “Happy Thanksgiving! How can I help you?”

Same Caller: “Yeah, I have to file a complaint. I came into your store earlier, and I ordered a [Burger] for my cat. When I got home and fed it to her, she died! How are you going to fix this?”

Me: “I’ll get a manager, sir.”

(I hang up the phone instead, and tend to people who are actually PAYING for my attentions. When the phone rings again, and I recognize the number, I ask my manager if I can take the call at the counter instead, just so I can stop running around.)

Caller: “I’m calling to report—”

Me: “Sir, are you calling to report that one of our [Burger]s killed a beloved family animal?”

Same Caller: “Yes. That is exactly why I am calling!”

Me: “Sir, I am so, SO sorry about that. We’ve gotten a lot of calls today about our deadly sandwich, and obviously, that can’t continue.”

Same Caller: “I know. It SUCKS!”

Me: “Sir, please accept our fullest apologies for the agony we have put you through in this mourning. We are prepared to make amends. Do you still have the receipt for the purchase?”

Same Caller: *obviously a little confused by the change in conversation* “Uh… no.”

Me: *cheerily* “Oh, well, that’s okay! You don’t need to have proof of purchase. Tell me, do you still have the bag from your sandwich?”

Same Caller: “Yeah…”

Me: “Good. Now, sir, is the body of the animal nearby?”

Same Caller: “Yes, it’s over there.”

Me: *grinning* “Then sir, I have excellent news! We will be able to help you today! If you can just take the carcass of your deceased pet, pick it up, and place it in the bag, we will be able to accept it as currency at this time.”

(My manager is giving me the death glare, but several of my guests on counter are laughing, so I continue.)

Same Caller: “WHAT?”

Me: “Well, sir, you don’t have a receipt, and we can’t in all good conscience allow you to be miserable over this. So, just this once, if you will bring in the body of your deceased, we will accept it in the form of a receipt, and give you a free [Burger] with our condolences. We hope to see you soon!”

(The guest hung up. My manager, though laughing, told me never to do it again. Needless to say, the jerk didn’t show up.)

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Children Don’t Count And Adults Can’t Count

| Anaheim, CA, USA | Right | January 22, 2015

(I work as a lead host in a well known restaurant, in a well known, famous, and popular vacation resort area. People come here with their families a lot.)

Me: “Hello! Welcome to [Restaurant]. How many are in your party today?

Guest: Oh, I need six and three-high chairs.”

(I’m extremely used to guests giving us their party total like this that I automatically total their party size for them.)

Me: “So nine total?”

Guest: “No, six and three high chairs.”

Me: “Yes… so… nine bodies total.”

Guest: “Well, sorta. I mean there’s six of us and maybe like three halves…”

Me: “Uh… okay, nine total people.”

Guest: “Well, the three are children.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I understand. However, because they require their own seat and take up seating space, I need to count them as well. So it’ll be a total of nine.”

(Normally, most guests understand this and agree with and move on so we can get them seated but for some odd reason, this guest did not seem to understand what I was trying to explain to her. She stared at me while I type down her information into our system.)

Guest: “No, hold on. I told you, I need six seats… and three high chairs.”

Me: “Right… and those high chairs take up space, so it’ll technically be nine seats total, but three of those nine are going to be high chairs and not regular chairs.”

Guest: “No! I need six seats and three high chairs! What part of that do you not understand.”

Me: “No, I understand, ma’am.”

Guest: “SO JUST GET ME A TABLE!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Guest: “Gosh, how can you be so stupid!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Guest: “They should fire you for not being able to do basic math.”

(My manager overhears this exchange between the guest and I and immediately steps into the conversation. She asks what was the problem and begin to take down her information into our system, personally. My manager then asked her how many people were in her party.)

Guest: “I need six and three high chairs.”

Manager: “Great! So nine total.”

Guest: “No. Six. And Three. High. Chairs.”

Manager: “Right. Nine total.”

Guest: “OH, MY GOD! I JUST NEED A TABLE THAT WILL FIT SIX PEOPLE AND THREE KIDS! AND THOSE THREE KIDS NEED HIGH CHAIRS! HOW HARD IS THAT TO UNDERSTAND?!”

Manager: “Ma’am, we count your children as people as well and since they require their own seats, though the seats might be in the form of a high chair, they are included in the party size as well. Do not worry; I will get you the proper table size.”

Guest: “How do they count as people? They are like… halves of a person!”

(My manager at this point is obviously fed up with the guests who cannot understand what we both tried to explain to her. So she takes off her glasses, look at the guest straight in the eyes with the most serious face on.)

Manager: “So which half did you bring of your children? The upper part of the torso? Or the lower part? How do you even decide?”

Guest: “YOU KNOW WHAT?! FORGET IT! I cannot believe they hire a group of people who cannot do math! No wonder why you are all stuck working here! GO BACK TO SCHOOL BECAUSE YOU ALL OBVIOUSLY NEED IT!”

(The guest gathers her family and storms out of the restaurant. As they leave, the little girl in the party comes walking up to me and my manager, who are simply just staring at the woman who was forcing her family to leave.)

Little Girl: “Sorry… my mom is crazy.”

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No Point Lying Over Soiled Milk

| Boston, MA, USA | Working | January 21, 2015

(I am working as a hostess in a popular restaurant. A couple has come in to celebrate finding out the wife is pregnant. They have ordered our most popular drink that includes milk and vanilla ice cream, but without the alcohol. The host stand and bar are next to each other and I was good friends with the bartender that night. A few minutes after the drink was delivered, the waitress and the manager call me over.)

Manager: “[My Name], can you go to that table and spill the drink at their table?”

Me: “What? Why?”

Server: “I made the drink instead of [Bartender] since it wasn’t alcoholic and I used expired milk. So I want you to spill it so we can make a new one.”

Me: “I really don’t want to spill expired milk and ice cream all over the table when they’re celebrating.”

Manager: “Well, [Server] can’t do it because it could affect her tip and I’m the manager, so they wouldn’t believe I could be so incompetent. You’re just the hostess so you can do it, no problem!”

(I’d worked as a server at another restaurant for years and even if I hadn’t, I was very taken aback by the manager basically telling me I was incompetent because I was working as a hostess.)

Me: “This doesn’t sound like it has anything to do with me. I’d really rather stay out of it.”

Manager: *shoves a bowl of bread in my hands, pushes me over to the table and says this before running away* “This is [My Name]. She has some bread for you to start with!”

Me: “I heard about the happy news! Congratulations! I was actually just talking to the bartender who said she wanted to put some extra chocolate decorations into the drink for you as a congratulations present. Would you mind if I grabbed it for a second? I promise to bring it right back with some extra goodies on it.”

Customer: “Thank you! That sounds wonderful!”

(I grabbed the drink, asked the bartender to quickly make a new one with non-spoiled milk, and added some extra chocolate to it. The customer was thrilled, and the manager and server just stared unbelieving at me while this happened. The manager took all the credit for the idea afterwards. Thankfully it was only a summer job and I left shortly thereafter!)

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