A Dashing Hero

| ME, USA | Right | February 17, 2015

(I worked at a Chinese restaurant where many people would dine and dash on the owner, who they knew couldn’t catch them due to having bad arthritis in both hands. This happens one day when I have just come into work.)

Old Lady: *comes in with her granddaughter and granddaughter’s best friend*

Me: “Just three, miss?”

Old Lady: “Yes.”

Me: *takes them to a table* “Anything to drink while you decide what you would like?”

Old Lady: “Pepsi.”

Granddaughter: “Sprite.” *giggling*

Me: “We have Sierra Mist. Is that all right?”

Granddaughter: “Yes!” *laughs*

Me: “…and you, miss?”

Granddaughter’s Best Friend: “I’ll have the same.” *smiling in an odd way*

Me: *nods and gets their drinks*

(They take another 10 minutes whispering before they ordered. They take a half hour ordering food which costs over $100.00. By now I’m suspicious.)

Me: *comes out of the other dining area in time to see them leaving without paying* “HEY!”

Granddaughter: *laughing and running*

Me: *grabs her by the upper arm* “Oh, H***, no! You will NOT dine and dash on MY shift, LADY!”

Old Lady: *comes in and hits me with her bag* “LET HER GO, YOU B****.”

Granddaughter: “OWWW! YOU’RE HURTING MEEE!”

Me: “I’m only squeezing enough to hold you! Now, lady! If you don’t stop hitting me, I will call the police!”

(An officer just happens to come in and I know him.)

Officer: “[My Name], are you having trouble?”

Me: “Can I do it just once?”

Old Lady & Granddaughter: *both pale and stop what they were doing*

Officer: *laughs* “Yes.”

Me: *I grab both women and yank them outside where I swing the granddaughter out, and release the old lady* “Your choice.”

(The old lady gave me the money for the bill, and a tip! The officer was laughing and my boss gave me a gift certificate for a free meal for my entire family!)

1 Thumbs

A-salted By Pepper

| Slovenia | Related | February 16, 2015

(I am about 10 and my brother is 5. Our family and some family friends are sitting at a table, waiting for food to arrive. My brother is bored, pushing around the salt and pepper shaker.)

Me: *to my brother* “You know, it’s really fun to take some pepper and put it into your nose and inhale!”

Brother: *does exactly that, then starts sneezing and his eyes start watering*

Mum: “Oh, dear, why did you listen to her?”

Me: “Sorry, brother! You know, it will really help you if you now do the same with salt!”

(Mum managed to stop him before he did it, as he was reaching for the salt. The rest of the table tried to hold back laughter.)

They’re All Trying To Get Fired

, | OK, USA | Working | February 16, 2015

(I am going through the drive-through and someone previously has tossed a cigarette which has started a fire beside the ordering box.)

Me: “Hey, there’s a fire out here by the order box.”

Voice: “Okay, we’ll let someone know.”

(I get to the pay window.)

Me: “Hey, you know there’s a fire next to your order box?”

Cashier: “Oh?” *looks at the cameras on the area* “I don’t see anything. Your food will be ready at the next window.”

(I go to the next window.)

Me: “Excuse me, but there’s a fire at the drive-in box.”

Clerk: “Okay, I tell manager.”

(She clearly does nothing, so I drive back around to the box and try to stomp out the fire myself. I get back to the box and call the attendant.)

Me: “The fire out here has gotten worse. Can you send someone out with some water?”

Voice: “I’ll tell a manager.”

Me: “Are you guys trying to have your place burn down?”

Voice: “What?”

Me: “You have a fire out here. F. I. R. E… FIRE!”

Voice: “Okay, I’ll send someone out with some water.”

(Three minutes later a woman comes out with a large drink cup with water and just looks at me and the fire and just stands there. I take the cup from her hands and douse the fire. I gave the cup back to her and drove off.)

I Don’t Want To Wait. Oh Wait.

| MI, USA | Right | February 15, 2015

Me: *answering the phone* “[Restaurant]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Can you cook us a cheese pizza, and a pepperoni and beef pizza, and put them on the buffet? We are coming in to eat and we are in a hurry and don’t want to wait.”

(Even though we don’t normally do this, it’s a slow day, so I say okay. The customer and her friends arrive in about 10 minutes.)

Customer: “Are the pizzas we called ahead about ready yet?”

Me: “Yes, they were just put on the buffet for you.”

Customer: “Good, because we don’t want to wait.” *she looks at the menu* “Oh, can I order a 10-piece buffalo wings, too?”

Me: “Okay, but they take about 12-15 minutes to cook.”

Customer: “Oh that’s fine. We can wait.”

The Day Of The Burger

| NJ, USA | Related | February 13, 2015

(We’re in a restaurant that specializes in burgers when I notice a sign that says ‘Same Day Service Available.’)

Me: *pointing out sign* “Well, I should hope so! Can you imagine ordering a burger and being told it’s ready on Wednesday? And then you forget what day they told you to pick it up, so you make a sandwich for dinner and finish eating it…”

Brother: “And then you remember and you’re like ‘d*** it!'”

Me: “Or they don’t tell you ahead of time when it’ll be ready, and call you at two am to say your burger is ready…”

Brother: “No, they fax you. ‘You’re burger is almost ready… just a few more weeks.’ And give you a weekly update on how your burger is coming along.”

Me: “Except there’s no way a burger should take that long and they’re just procrastinating.”

Brother: “When they tell you it’s ready, you come in and it’s something they slapped together five minutes before you got there.”

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