It Blows Hard

| Bismarck, ND, USA | Rude & Risque

(I am working at the counter of a slushie shop in our mall.)

Me: “What’s all the hustle about out there?”

Customer: “Oh, they brought in the coolest thing this morning. It’s a hurricane stimulator!”

Me: “A stimulator?”

Customer: “Yes, it stimulates hurricanes! You have to try it out.”

Me: “I’ll be sure to do that. Have a nice day!”

Customer: “Oh, I will! That hurricane stimulated me to the max!”

Water You, Stupid, Part 5

| California, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

Customer: “I’d like a kid’s bean and cheese burrito.”

Me: “Alright, would you like a fountain drink, juice, or milk?”

Customer: *turns to her child* “Okay, do you want soda or juice?”

Customer’s daughter: “I just want water.”

Customer: “But soda’s better for you!”

Related:
Water You, Stupid, Part 4
Water You, Stupid, Part 3
Water You, Stupid, Part 2
Water You, Stupid

Inexorably Inconsiderate

, | Guelph, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

(The customer is four cents short for his order.)

Customer, to friend: “Hey man, do you have a nickel or something?”

Friend: “Yeah man, here.”

Customer: “No, that’s okay. I’ll just get some out of here.”

(He reaches into the tip jar.)

Customer: “Can I just take out four cents from in here?”

Me: “Um, no. That’s actually our tip jar–”

Customer: “Too late. It’s happening.”

Me: *speechless*

Keep That Style To Yourself

, | Stockton, CA, USA | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

(I take orders at a fast food restaurant. We have a secret menu with special type of fry we call “animal style”, which is pretty popular. A customer walks up.)

Me: “Hi, how are you doing today? How may I help you?”

Customer: “I have heard about this secret style french fry you guys make. Could I have one order of french fries, doggy style, please?”

Me: “Um…do you mean animal style fries?”

Customer: *turning red* “Yeah, that’s what I meant.”

Related:
The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 4
The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 3
The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 2
The Horrors Of Mispronunciation

I Meant What I Said And I Said What I Meant

| Albuquerque, NM, USA | Food & Drink

Me: “What can I get you, sir?”

Customer #1: “Um, I’d like a quickie.”

Me: *offended* “EXCUSE ME?”

Customer#1: “A quickie!” *licks his lips*

(Offended, I skip him and serve the next table.)

Customer #2: *apparently having overheard* “I think it’s pronounced ‘quiche’.”

Me, to customer #1: “Oh! You meant quiche?”

Customer #1: “No!”

Related:
The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 4
The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 3
The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 2
The Horrors Of Mispronunciation

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