Running Afoul Of The Customer

| USA | Right | July 26, 2015

(I work in the drive-thru of a fast food restaurant. The day before, I tripped and fell while jogging. As a result, all the skin on my knuckles, my palms, my elbows, and my right cheek is gone. I’m heavily bandaged for aesthetic and sanitary reasons. I’ve been fielding questions all day about them. A guy drives up to pay for his order.)

Customer: “Wow, what happened to you?”

Me: “I had a jogging accident.”

Customer: “A jogging accident?”

Me: “Yeah, I tripped over my own two feet and landed hard.”

Customer: “That sucks. You need a better cover story.”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “Tell people you fell off the back of a motorcycle. That’s so much cooler!”

Me: “…”

Pancakes Can Cure All

| AK, USA | Working | July 23, 2015

(I am working at a major breakfast chain as a waiter, on night shift. One of my coworkers was a diabetic, and I have a history of hypoglycemic episodes. Thankfully, [Diabetic] knows the signs. This occurred on a prom night, after I’d just spent two and a half hours running food and drinks to a group of 35.)

Diabetic: “[My Name], you’re getting derpy. First time I’ve seen you get a drink wrong in months!”

Me: “I’m fine.”

Diabetic: “No, you’re not fine.” *calling out louder* “[Manager], get over here and make [My Name] go sit down! He’s derping out!”

Me: “I’m not derping out!”

Manager: “His girlfriend’s over there; get his kit from her.”

Me: “I’m not derping out, [Diabetic]’s derping out! She just brought that short stack to the wrong table!”

(Manager grabs both of us by the ears, drags us to the break room, and makes us test our blood sugar. Diabetic’s meter shows 300, mine shows 20.)

Manager: “Okay, you!” *points at [Diabetic]* “Insulin, now. You!” *points at me* “Pancakes, now. And when you’re done eating, give her half your pancreas!”

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This Relationship Died Before It Began

, | Antwerp, Belgium | Romantic | July 23, 2015

(Upon leaving the restaurant, a passer-by stops me:)

Him: “Are you single?”

Me: *a bit cautious after earlier experiences* “Why?”

Him: “I’m looking for someone like you to replace my recently deceased girlfriend.”

A Beguiling Bagel

, | Raleigh, NC, USA | Right | July 22, 2015

(I work as a sandwich maker at a fast food bagel shop. We make our sandwiches in front of the customer so they can request changes as we build the sandwich. Our featured breakfast sandwich of the month is the sriracha bagel; it is basically a sausage, egg, and cheese bagel but with peppers and sriracha sauce. It’s a slow day, and a young man approaches the counter.)

Customer: “Hi, I’d like a sriracha bagel.”

Me: ” All right, what kind of bagel would you like that on? It usually comes on a plain bagel.”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t know. A plain bagel, I guess. Oh, and can I get that with bacon instead of sausage?”

Me: “Sure, no problem.”

(I grab the bagel, slice it open and begin to assemble the sandwich. I go to get the peppers.)

Customer: “Excuse me, what are those?”

Me: “Those are the peppers that go on the sandwich.”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t like peppers. Can you leave those off?”

Me: “Sure, no problem.”

(I leave the peppers off, and place the bacon, egg, and cheese onto the bagel. I’m about to put the sriracha sauce on the bagel.)

Customer: “Excuse me, what is that?”

Me: “This is the sriracha sauce. It’s what gives the sandwich its name.”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t like spicy things. Can you leave that off?”

Me: “Okay, sure. So, just to make sure: all you want is a bacon, egg, and cheese bagel?”

Customer: “Yea. Hey, why don’t you guys just have that on your menu?”

(I had to struggle not to say anything as the bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich is the first thing listed under “Breakfast Sandwiches” on the menu. The worst part is when he got to the register he insisted on being charged for the sriracha instead of a bacon egg and cheese, and so he paid about a dollar more for his sandwich.)

WTF Is OFD?

| WI, USA | Right | July 20, 2015

(I work at an ice cream/grill chain store in a small town. I’m training in a new cashier when one of our regulars comes in.)

Regular: “I want my usual.”

Trainee: “I’m sorry?”

Regular: “My usual. You know, with the OFD.”

Trainee: “The what?”

(He repeats the request a couple more times, getting ruder. I decide to intervene and introduce the trainee to our customer.)

Regular: “Oh! You mean you aren’t [Another Coworker]? I want the chicken basket with the OFD.”

(We have half a dozen combos that that could describe, so I ring the order in over the trainee’s shoulder. The customer gets the senior discount and sits in his usual spot without taking a number.)

Trainee: “What’s an OFD?”

Me: “Old fart’s discount.”

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