A friend and I are having a long-overdue catch-up over dinner and drinks. We’ve not long finished our meal and are waiting for another round of drinks while we think about dessert.

Waitress: “Sorry, can I ask that I move you to the bar if you’re only drinking?”

Seems like a reasonable request, if a little odd, as there seem to be plenty of tables available.

Me: “We were actually just talking about having dessert.”

Waitress: *Terse* “Well, are you having dessert, then?”

Friend: “We wanted a moment to decide.”

Waitress: “Okay, but we do need the table.”

Again, lots of tables are available. It isn’t as if it is about to get busy, either. The drinks take a while to get to us. By then, we decide to order dessert, and my friend goes to the toilet. No sooner has she left the table than the waitress appears with two women.

Waitress: “Oh, I thought you left.”

Me: “Nope.”

Waitress: “Well, as you’re not eating, you need to move.”

Me: “We are eating; we are just waiting for our food.”

Waitress: “You need to move.”

Me: “No, I really don’t.”

Woman: “It’s okay. We can sit somewhere else.”

Waitress: “No, it’s not okay.” *To me* “Come on, move!”

Woman: “Look, there are lots of tables left. We can sit by the bar. It’s okay.”

Waitress: “No, Mum. You want a window seat and there’s one right here.”

She gestures to me.

Me: “Just get your manager. I’m not moving.”

She stared at me, but eventually, her mother talked her round and she sat her at one of the other tables. We had our dessert and a few more drinks and didn’t bother ever going back.

I’m working in a restaurant. A woman orders a vegetarian focaccia. When she gets it, she starts screaming in my face.

Customer: “My focaccia has no meat in it!”

Me: “That’s correct; it’s vegetarian.”

Customer: “’Vegetarian’ means ‘extra salad’!”

Me: “No, ‘vegetarian’ means it contains no meat. I can replace it with a meat version if you like.”

She kept arguing with me. When other customers started telling her she was wrong, she got embarrassed and tried to leave. She ran at the door and smacked into it.

I think about her whenever I see vegetarian options.

A popular local brewery has a deal with a nearby restaurant in which people who take the brewery tour can go to the restaurant after and receive a discount on their meal.

The tour includes beer samples, so by the time my group arrives at the restaurant, we are already buzzed, and we order another round of beers for the table. I am a bit tipsy when I order my burger.

Server: “What kind of roll would you like?”

Me: “I don’t need a roll.”

I am picturing a dinner roll on the side, like at Thanksgiving, and I figure the burger bun will be enough bread.

Server: “So, you really don’t want a roll?”

Me: *Insistent* “I don’t want one.”

Server: “Okaaaay…”

When my burger comes, it’s just the patty and fixings, and that is when I realize that when she said “roll” she was referring to the bun. I might have realized that if I had been sober.

I go to find my server, and before I say a word, she kindly asks:

Server: “Do you want a roll?”

Me: *Sheepish* “Yes, please.”

Given how many intoxicated patrons she surely served, I hope I was at least a funny one.

I am brand new to restaurant ownership, and this is one of the first requests I receive.

Customer: “You need to cut more holes in my daughter’s swiss cheese. My daughter won’t eat the sandwich if it doesn’t have enough holes.”

I had been dating this guy for a little over a month. I have no problem with guys looking at other girls because I know that it happens even subconsciously. [Boyfriend] and I were out to dinner one night when a girl walked by in a tight dress.

Boyfriend: “You think she works out?”

Me: “Probably.”

He took my hand across the table.

Boyfriend: “We should get a girlfriend.”

I choked on my drink.

Boyfriend: “You okay?”

Me: “Why do we need a girlfriend?”

Boyfriend: “Why not?”

Me: “Because we’re monogamous.”

Boyfriend: “We don’t have to be.”

Me: “And I don’t like girls.”

Boyfriend: “Yes, you do. You talk about them all the time. Just now you were checking her out.”

Me: “Noticing that a person takes care of their body and wanting their body are two different things.”

Boyfriend: “It’s okay! I’m totally cool with bisexuality.”

Me: “Okay then, let’s get a boyfriend.”

Boyfriend: “F*** no!”

Me: “Why not? I see you looking at guys at the gym all the time.”

Boyfriend: “I’m watching their form, not their— No, no. I do not like men.”

Me: “And I do not like women.”

Boyfriend: “Look. Just give it a try. You never know; you might like it.”

Me: “Okay. I’ll try it if you will.”

Boyfriend: “Deal!”

Me: “Great. Who’s our boyfriend?”

Boyfriend: “Woah, woah, hold up. That is not what I agreed to.”

Me: *Fake confusion* “Oh. You just meant bisexuality is okay if it’s two girls. But two guys aren’t okay. Right?”

Boyfriend: “Exactly! I’m not sharing you with a dude. That’s f****** gross. Look. Let’s just try adding a girl to see how it goes. If you don’t like it, then she’ll be my other girlfriend and you don’t have to interact with her at all. Maybe she’ll be a girl who likes girls and she can teach you!”

I stared at him, waiting for him to say it was a joke or something. When he didn’t, I got up and left him with the bill. Since I drove us there, I also left him without a ride home. I blocked his number and all his social media accounts before I got home. Sometimes I wonder how many other women he pulled that on and how it worked out for him.