He Only Wants The White Meat

, | Manchester, England, UK | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Language & Words, Top

(I am working on a till at a popular fast food restaurant, where we serve fried chicken. One of the more popular drinks is a white chocolate milkshake. I have just finished handing out an order when a father and his son come up to the counter.)

Me: “Hi there! Welcome to [name of restaurant]. Can I take your order?”

Father: “Yes. Can I have a white chocolate chicken meal and a fried milkshake?”

Me: *thinking I’ve misheard* “I’m very sorry; what did you say?”

Father: *irritated* “A white chocolate chicken meal, and a fried milkshake!”

(I look at the son, and we both exchange puzzled looks.)

Father: “Look, it’s just a white chocolate chicken meal and a fried milkshake! What’s so hard—”

(The son bursts out laughing; the father looks down confused.)

Father: “What? You did want a white choco—”

Son: “Dad! Think about what you just said!”

Father: “I remember! A white chocolate chi—”

(He suddenly realizes what he has said before, and covers his eyes with his hand.)

Father: “I didn’t just say that, did I?”

Son: “You did!”

Father: “Very sorry about that. A white chocolate MILKSHAKE, and a fried chicken meal, please?”

Thou Shall Find Lovecraft Online, Ramen

| Philadelphia, PA, USA | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid, Geeks Rule, Religion, Technology, Theme Of The Month

(I’m a waitress in a popular buffet chain restaurant. I am serving a middle aged customer who is wearing a shirt that has a picture of Cthulhu and the Flying Spaghetti Monster in a heart. Beneath it is the caption ‘we met on the internet’.)

Me: “That’s a great shirt!”

Woman: “Thanks. I think it says a lot about the kind of people you find on the internet.”

Me: “How do you mean?”

Woman: “You know, how there’s nothing but monsters online.”

To see the t-shirt design mentioned in this story, visit the NotAlwaysRomantic Extras section, which can be found here!

Modern Scammers Work Double Time

, | WI, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

(I’m a crew member at a fast food joint, while my uncle is the general manager at a sit down restaurant across the street. I’m working drive thru.)

Customer: “Hi, I just came through a few minutes ago, and my burger was all wrong, plus my fries were cold.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that. Just come up to the window, and we’ll get it all fixed up.”

(She pulls up, and I don’t recognize her at all. I don’t see a bag from us in her car either.)

Customer: “I also didn’t get my soda either.”

(Now I know she’s lying, because I’ve been in drive thru all day, and I never poured an extra soda. My manager just says screw it and give her what she wants. After I got off, I went up to my uncle’s restaurant to sit and chat. I tell him about the woman.)

Me: “I would have noticed someone wearing fleece pants in this heat!”

Uncle: “Uh… I’m pretty sure she came here.

Me: “WHAT!”

Uncle: “This lady came in. She was wearing fleece pants and a college sweatshirt. I see her looking at a menu. I speak up, and she says her salad was wrong and her wings were cold. I don’t recognize her from before. I ask for a receipt, and she doesn’t have one. I ask what kind of salad and what kind of wings. She looks at the menu for a few more minutes. I just wanted to get her out because we had big orders in the kitchen. So she got about $25 out of me.”

Me: “You did better than me! She got $7 from us! Did you forget her soda?”

Uncle: “YES! Yes, we did!”