I Do Work Here, Does Not Work Here

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Liars & Scammers

(It is Valentine’s Day, and I work at one of the more popular restaurants in the city. When I arrive to start my shift there is a long line of couples coming out of the doors. I am clearly in my work uniform, and I approach the door to start my shift. The first customer in line throws his hand in front of me to block the door.)

Customer #1: “Whoa, man, can you not see the line?”

Me: “Excuse me? No, sorry, sir; I work here.”

Customer #1: “Yeah, nice try. Back of the line.”

Me: “Sir, I clearly work here, as you can see by my uniform and name tag. If you don’t mind, my shift starts in a few minutes and I’d rather not be late.”

Customer #1’s Girlfriend: “Look, buddy, we’ve been waiting here for 30 minutes. No silly costume is gonna get you in ahead of me.”

Customer #1: “Yeah, my girl deserves the best, so don’t think you’re gonna take it away from her on Valentine’s Day. So why don’t you just go and wait like the rest of us before I f*** you up!”

Me: “Look, sir, I don’t understand why you don’t believe me, but I really do work here and I’m meant to be inside right now! Can you please just let me go to work?”

(Customer #2, standing in line behind Customer #1, decides to chime in.)

Customer #2: “Look, mate, he’s made it quite clear to you that he works here. Why don’t you just let him through?”

(Note: Customer #1 is clearly a good few inches taller and more muscular than Customer #2.)

Customer #1: “Excuse me? Did you really want to get involved?”

Customer #2: “Uh, no! Sorry!” *to me* “Sorry, mate, I tried.”

(At this point, I am already a good few minutes late, and my phone starts to ring.)

Me: “Hello?”

Manager: “[My Name], where the h*** are you? One of the busiest nights of the year and you choose to be late now?”

Me: “I’m right outside. I have been for ten minutes, but this customer won’t let me through because he doesn’t believe I work here!”

Manager: “What?! Hang on.”

(My manager hangs up and comes outside to find me barricaded by the customers. He looks at me, but points at Customer #1 and his girlfriend.)

Manager: “Is this them?”

Me: “Yep.”

Manager: “Look, do you want to explain to me why you’ve made my best worker late?”

Customer #1: “What? He doesn’t actually work here, does he?”

Manager: “I don’t want to deal with this tonight. Take your girlfriend and leave. There’s no chance of you getting a table after all this. [My Name], come inside and I’ll check the tapes later so I don’t have to mark you late.”

(Customer #1 and his girlfriend were banned from the restaurant. Even better, Customer #2 ended up giving me a huge tip!)

Related:
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 12
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 11
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 10
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 9
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 8
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 7
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 6
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 5

Fast Food And Speed Dating

| Oklahoma City, OK, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Love/Romance

Me: “Okay, you want a hamburger, hold the onions, with mustard and regular fries.”

Customer: “That’s right.”

Me: “Can I have a date?”

Customer: “Oh no, you’re much too old for me.”

Me: “A birth date. So we can call out your order. Like October 22nd?”

(After the customer leaves, the owner turns to me.)

Owner: “She could have at least lied and said she was already with someone.”

Customers Give You Crabs

, | Rehoboth Beach, DE, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

(I am working drive-thru. The customer I get sounds drunk, but I don’t think too much of it until he gets to the window. The customer is in the rear seat of the car; the driver is sober.)

Me: “Good evening. Your total is [total].”

Customer: “Okay… so that’s… uh…”

(The customer stares at the money in his wallet for a moment, before handing me a wad of bills.)

Me: “Alright, here’s your change and your recei—”

(I turn to hand the customer his change, to see that he now has a large brown paper bag on his lap. He looks at me, then reaches in the bag and pulls out a crab covered in Old Bay seasoning.)

Customer: “D’you want a crab?”

Me: “Er… no, thanks.”

Customer: “You sure? They’re really good!”

(The customer tries to hand me the crab anyway.)

Me: “I’m sorry. We’re not allowed to take tips.”

Customer: “Awww… that sucks. Well, you have a nice night.”

Me: “Here’s your change. You have a good night, too!”

(Later, my coworkers ask what took so long. They couldn’t believe he’d offered me crabs! Probably because we all were wondering what he was doing getting fast food when he had something better!)