H2-Slow, Part 8

, | Ottawa, ON, Canada | Right | April 21, 2015

(An ‘Iced Cappuccino’ is a popular beverage at a particular fast food chain all across Canada. It’s made with a very sugary syrup and ice.)

Customer #1: “I’d like an iced cappuccino please.”

Me: “Sure thing. Anything else?”

Customer #1: *turns to friend* “Do you want one?”

Customer #2: *looking horrified* “Oh, my goodness, definitely not. I’ll just have a water, please!”

Customer #1: “Oh, I thought you liked those?”

Customer #2: *dead serious, looking appalled* “I will NEVER drink those again, I JUST found out that they have more fat in them then water! Can you believe that!?”

Customer #1: “…Um.”

Customer #2: “Shocking, right? I just found out!” *turns to me* “Can you believe that!?”

Me: “…Um.”

Customer #2: *to me, scolding voice* “You guys should really be advertising that to your customer… Iced cappuccino’s have more fat than water.”

H2Slow, Part 7
H2Slow, Part 6
H2Slow, Part 5

Sweet Sixty-een

| Westminster, CO, USA | Romantic | April 20, 2015

(I am a 16-year-old girl. I work at a breakfast diner as a hostess. I am sweeping the floors when I noticed an elderly gentleman sitting in a booth, looking at me and twitching the whole left side of his face. We get a lot of elderly customers with health problems and I figure he is one of these customers and decide to be polite and not stare at him. After about 20 minutes, the man comes up to pay his bill.)

Me: “How was everything today, sir?”

Customer: “Why don’t you like me?”

Me: “…Pardon me, sir?”

Customer: “I’ve been winking at you the whole time I have been here and you have been ignoring me!”

Me: *feeling uncomfortable* “Oh, I am sorry, sir. I was focused on cleaning the floors so that I could go home. Was this going to be it for you today? Would you like to purchase a slice of one of our award winning pies?”

Customer: “Are you married?”

Me: “…Sir, I’m sixteen.”

Customer: “I got married at your age. It was awful. I should have been swinging with all the ladies and having a good time! I am making up for it now though!”

(The customer pays his bill and winks at me again.)

Customer: “See you later, dolly!”

(The customer leaves.)

Me: *shudders* “No. Nope. That didn’t happen. Ew.”

Another Way To Water The Plants

| TX, USA | Right | April 20, 2015

(My dad is the customer in this one. He strongly dislikes lemon in water, which of course is a standard way of serving it in many restaurants. He’s noted that if he just says, “No lemon, please,” it often shows up with lemon anyway — servers are human, and it’s easy to forget a request and do it your standard way. He could just take it out, but he feels that it makes the water bitter, so rather than be THAT guy and insist on a new glass when this happens, he’s come up with a way to make the request memorable and thereby end up with un-lemoned water in the first place. I have to admit that it almost always works, and often gets a grin, but one young lady turned the tables on him.)

Me: “I’ll have a [Diet Soda].”

Dad: “I’ll have water, with no fruits and no vegetables in it.”

(A couple minutes later, back comes our waitress, with my soda, and a glass of water … with a big ol’ stalk of broccoli stuck in it! She puts the drinks down, just like this is completely normal, starts to turn away, and then stops and snaps her fingers.)

Waitress: “Oh, that’s right! You were the one who wanted no vegetables!”

(And then while we were dying laughing, she took it away and brought the fruit-and-veggie-free water originally asked for. Definitely the best response ever to his little shtick.)

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Her Brain Is Flat

| Humboldt, IA, USA | Working | April 18, 2015

(Being early for my lunch shift at a ’50s diner, I have a seat with our retired cook who still does some grocery shopping for us. She’s a bit of a grouch, but I enjoy her company.)

Coworker: *to cook*  “Would you like some more to drink?”

Cook: “No, thanks, didn’t taste quite right today.”

Me: *thinking she had her diet soda* “Is our machine losing carbonation again?”

Cook: “No, I had a [cold tea drink] and it tasted like it wasn’t shook up or something.”

(During this time my coworker, who likes to sound smart but is really a ditz, has taken a glass and tried some of the cold tea drink.)

Coworker: “I don’t think it’s hooked up right. There’s no carbonation.”

Me: “That’s fine. There shouldn’t be.”

Coworker: “But it’s from a fountain. It should be carbonated.”

Cook: “It’s tea. It shouldn’t be carbonated.”

Coworker: “But it’s flat…”

(At this point the phone rings and she leaves to take an order.)

Me: “Can I kill her? She’s already brain dead.”

Cook: “I’ll hide the body.”

Too Chicken To Order The Veggies

| Houghton, NY, USA | Working | April 17, 2015

(My college fast food joint recently had a change in management. I am a vegetarian.)

Cashier: “What can I get you?”

Me: “Hi, can I have the veggie wrap?”

Cashier: “Uh… I don’t think we have those.”

Me: *surprised* “I’ve ordered them here before with no problem.”

Cashier: “One moment.” *yells back to manager* “Can we make a veggie wrap?”

Manager: *from back* “No! We only have a chicken wrap!”

Cashier: *turns back to me* “Sorry, we don’t have those. I’m not sure why the previous owners were able to make one for you. We only have chicken wraps.”

Me: “…Well, could I have a chicken wrap without the chicken?”

Cashier: *wheels turning* “…Hey, [Manager], can we just do a chicken wrap without the chicken?”

Manager: *silence* “Yeah, I guess we could do that!”

Cashier: “Okay! What would you like on that?”

(Every time I went there from then on, I had to specifically order ‘the chicken wrap without the chicken.’ Only ONE cashier in the next two years of me going to college there asked why I hadn’t just asked for a vegetable wrap.)

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