Totally Estúpido

, | Barcelona, Spain | Language & Words, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

(I am in a very popular burger chain restaurant in Barcelona. I have placed my order with the very helpful assistant, and am waiting for my food. The next two customers are large British men in their 50s. I am British, but speak reasonable Spanish.)

Customer: *in a broad North Yorkshire accent* “I want a large burger, a large fries, and a large Diet Coke.”

(The girl behind the counter, who doesn’t speak English, looks blank and then says in Spanish that she doesn’t understand.)

Customer: *speaking loudly and enunciating each word slowly* “I want a LARGE BURGER, a LARGE FRIES and a LARGE DIET COKE!”

(The server is now looking distressed and uncomfortable, so I take pity on her, and tell her what the customer has ordered in Spanish. She thanks me profusely and places the order. The first customer shakes his head in disgust and turns to me.)

Customer: “Thanks, love. These f****** foreigners, eh? They don’t speak the language.”

Me: “Wow.”

No Vocation For Location, Part 6

| Israel | Extra Stupid, Geography, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

(I am a South African, working at a hotel restaurant in Israel. The establishment has both servers and guests from all over the world. Generally people are interested in finding out where people are from and why they’re here. One day I am clearing a table for an American couple.)

Me: “Shalom! I hope you enjoyed your meal. May I take your plates?”

Husband: “Yes, please. It was great.”

Wife: “Hey, you sound weird. Where are you from?”

Me: “I’m from South Africa.”

Wife: “Really?! South Africa… where is that?”

Me: “Err…”

Husband: *embarrassed* “Honey, it’s in Africa. If you look at a map, it’s right down at the bottom.”

Wife: “Oh…” *blank look* “Oh! Kangaroos, right?”

Husband: “Err…” *looks at me apologetically*

Me: *just smiles* “I hope you enjoy the rest of your stay!”

Related:
No Vocation For Location, Part 5
No Vocation For Location, Part 4

Paying For Their Mistake

| Albany, NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Movies & TV

(I work at a fairly well known 50s theme restaurant, where we offer a movie and a meal deal. If you buy an adult entree and drink, then you get a movie ticket for $8. A customer is ordering and asks about the offer.)

Me: “Just so you know, you do have to order an adult entree for the offer to work.”

Customer: “Jeez, I know. I want fries and a water, and two kid’s chocolate shakes, and chicken tenders for them.”

(I place their order, and when it comes up, I bring it over. They eat it and seem very happy.)

Customer: “Can I please get my check, and can you get me one of those movie tickets, please?”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but since you didn’t get an adult entree and drink, you can’t get a movie ticket for $8.”

Customer: “I did get an adult drink, water. Kids don’t drink water, and french fries count as an entree in my case.”

Me: “You have to buy a drink. Water is given out for free. And fries are not an entree. They are an appetizer or side.”

Customer: “Let me speak to your manager.”

(The manager comes over. He has observed everything.)

Customer: “Give me my d*** ticket. She’s stealing from me. She probably did charge me for my ticket, but is being a b**** and refusing to give it to me.”

Manager: “I can assure you she has not charged you for the ticket because the cash register won’t even allow it to be added unless there is an adult entree and drink. Would you like to order food to go so you can get a ticket?”

Customer: “What the f***! After such bad service, I am never coming here again!”

(The customer grabs her two kids, and walks out without paying. A customer who has been watching from the counter area comes over.)

Customer #2: “Here’s $30 to cover their bill so you don’t have to, and a tip because she didn’t. May I please have my check?”

(Customer #2 leaves me a sizable tip, and even gives me a compliment. Thank you, lady! That check would’ve had to come out my tips!)