Not Always Right: The Comic – Crashed Diet

| NY, USA | Right | August 25, 2015

Read the full story here.

Tabling That Argument

| ON, Canada | Related | August 25, 2015

(Four of us go to a restaurant. My sister goes to find a seat while we get food. We find her at a weird spot… in the middle of everything with other tables attached.)

Me: “Why did you pick this spot? There are other empty seats everywhere else.”

Sister: “I looked at it; it looked at me… We fell in love. That’s why we are here.”

Me: “…How does a table look at you?”

Sister: “I never said it looked at me. I said, ‘I looked at it; it looked at…’ Damn it.”

Paying The Price Of Corniness

| IA, USA | Romantic | August 24, 2015

(My boyfriend and I are out to eat. I happen to look down at my drink and the foam has randomly made a shape of an arrow.)

Me: “Hey, look! There’s an arrow in my drink.”

Boyfriend: “And it’s pointing at me; it must be a sign.”

Me: “Of what? Who’s going to pay?”

Boyfriend: “…Ouch.”

How To Cheese Off The Cashier

, | Los Angeles, USA | Working | August 20, 2015

(The restaurant normally sells hamburgers for $.89, but they are having a special where two cheeseburgers for $1.00. I don’t eat cheese.)

Me: “I’d like two cheeseburgers, no cheese, please.”

Employee: “So, two hamburgers?”

Me: “Yes, but since cheeseburgers are cheaper now, I want the cheeseburger special. So, cheeseburgers, but no cheese.”

Employee: “We can’t do that.”

Me: “Why not?”

Employee: “It’s not a cheeseburger.”

Me: “Can I get it without pickle?”

Employee: “Sure, how ever you want it.”

Me: “Without ketchup?”

Employee: “Yes.”

Me: “No mustard?”

Employee: “Yes.”

Me: “But not without cheese?”

Employee: “No, then it’s not a cheeseburger.”

Me: “But you realize, you have to pay for cheese, so you make more money this way.”

Employee: “But we can’t do that.”

Me: “Can I get the cheese on the side?”

Employee: “Sure.”

(The employee then took my order, and gave me two hamburgers with a French fry package with two slices of cheese in it. I took the cheese and tossed it in the trash can and walked out.)

Not Quite Nuts About Your Allergies

| Dubai, UAE | Working | August 20, 2015

(I am 14, and my family and I go out for dinner.)

Waiter: “Here is your food: two 1/2 pound burgers with chips, one serving of sticky pork belly with salad, and one seafood curry.”

Dad: “The buns on the burgers have sesame seeds.”

Waiter: “So?”

Dad: “We said that my son here is allergic to sesame seeds.”

Waiter: “No, you didn’t.”

Dad: “Yes, we did. I can assure you of that.”

Mum: “He did; trust me.”

Waiter: *sarcastically* “Oh, okay, I’m very sorry. I’ll have his food re-made.”

(He gives my dad an annoyed look as he walks off. We wait another 20 minutes, at which point my brother’s food arrives again, this time without a sesame seed bun.)

Waiter: “Terribly sorry, sir. Won’t happen again.”

(We enjoy our drinks and meals while listening to the music in the background. A little later on we order desserts, and my brother orders a sorbet with a strawberry liquorice strip. At this point we also say that he’s allergic to nuts and eggs as a reminder. Dessert arrives, and there are little beige pieces all around the sorbet, much to my worry.)

Dad: “Are these nuts?”

Me: “I don’t know. Let me try one.” *I can’t tell; it’s tasteless*

Mum: “Maybe you should check with the waiter?”

Dad: *sigh* “All right.”

(We call him over and ask him to check. My brother has already eaten a few of the pieces. Waiter comes back.)

Waiter: “The sorbet does not have egg, but, um… those little pieces are nuts.”

Dad: “Wait… What did you say?”

Mum: “What?”

Waiter: “I said those pieces are nuts.”

Dad: “I TOLD YOU THAT HE HAS A NUT ALLERGY!”

Mum: “Did you eat any of those pieces?”

Brother: *crying* “Yes!”

Dad: “Get a doctor or something! Get his epipen too! This is outrageous!”

Waiter: “Sir, I’m sorry…”

Dad: “I don’t want to hear it. You should have listened to us!”

(My brother doesn’t have an allergic reaction, and the restaurant manager and doctor are called in. Thankfully they weren’t nuts, but actually little biscuit pieces, to which we were all relieved.)

Manager: “I’m really sorry about all this.”

Dad: “It’s all right now, but he hasn’t paid attention to how my son here has allergies!”

Manager: “Seriously? We take that very seriously here. I shall speak with him.”

Me: “Thank you very much.”

Mum: “Yes, thank you.”

Manager: “It’s all good now. How about I give you all free drinks to say sorry? On the house!”

Brother: *sniffling* “I’d like that. Yes, please…”

(So, we got free drinks and had half the price of our meal slashed off. Meanwhile, we have no idea what happened to the waiter. Maybe he got fired.)

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