Not A Be-Liver

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Friendly | April 4, 2015

(We’re a group of kids on a trip dining in a restaurant with a chaperone. We’re all going through the menu.)

Kid: “Chicken liver? Eww! That’s gross!”

(A few others comment in agreement.)

Chaperone: “What are you talking about? Chicken liver’s good.”

Me: “I don’t know. Personally, I’ve never been thrilled about the idea of eating another animal’s poison filter.”

(She ordered fish.)

Scrambling Up The Order

| Paris, France | Right | April 2, 2015

Woman: “I want an omelette: no mushrooms, no meat, no onion, no salt, no pepper, and could the eggs be scrambled?”

Waiter: “So, you want scrambled eggs with tomatoes and cheese?”

Woman: “No, I want an omelette.”

Not Your Regular Zombie Apocalypse

, | USA | Right | April 1, 2015

(I am nearing the end of my shift. Unfortunately the zombie apocalypse started a few hours ago and so my coworkers and I are trying to add defenses to the doors and the windows. An obnoxious regular is trying to get in.)

Regular: “I want my triple cheeseburger, d*** it!”

Me: “Sir! Please get in your car and drive home! Your family will want to see you in this time of need!”

Regular: “F*** my family! And f*** you! You lazy good-for-nothing are just using any excuse not to serve me!”

Coworker: “Sir! Get away from the door! We need to lock it and defend ourselves!”

(My coworker rolls his eyes at the situation and goes into the kitchen to make sure the doors are locked there. Just then, I notice the regular has a bite-mark on his arm.)

Me: “Sir, you’ve been bit!”

Regular: “D*** right! I hit that stupid low-life right back, though! You should–”

(The regular stops talking, a look of abrupt calm on his face. Suddenly, I realize he is turning. I try to finish locking the doors but it is too late. The regular now has a bloodthirsty look in his eyes and is about to attack me, when suddenly…)

Coworker: “Yaaaargh!”

(My coworker rushes a knife from the kitchen. He savagely attacks the zombified regular, with multiple stabs to the brain to bring him down. After the ordeal he is standing there, breathing heavily, covered in blood, staring down at the corpse.)

Me: “Well done getting the zombie.”

Coworker: *looks up in confusion* “He was a zombie?”

Only Likes Seoul Food

, | GA, USA | Working | March 31, 2015

(I’m the customer in this story. I am at a mall food court on a slow weekday and go to the Chinese fast food place.)

Me: “Is [one of the entrees] any good?”

Asian Lady Behind Counter: “I’m sorry, I don’t know. I don’t like Chinese food.”

Me: “…”

Asian Lady Behind Counter: “I’m Korean.”

Talking Turkey About Tofu

| Chicago, IL, USA | Right | March 27, 2015

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Restaurant]. What can I get for you today?

Customer: “Um… well….. hmm… Is there turkey in the turkey sandwich?”

(I have been having a very bad day:)

Me: “Nope. It’s tofu.”

Customer: “Oh, I love tofu. I’ll have that…”

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