Chip Quip

, | NM, USA | Food & Drink, Geography, Language & Words

(I’ve recently moved to the USA from England, and have got myself a job in a fast food place. I keep saying chips instead of fries, which causes confusion.)

Me: *to coworker* “Can I get two medium chips to go please?”

Customer: “No, I wanted fries.”

Me: “Oh yeah, my bad. I’m still not used to talking American.”

Customer: “So where you from? Mexico?”

(I have tanned skin, so this is a common question.)

Me: “No mate, I’m British.”

Customer: “Oh, I see. So you’re not used to speaking English?”

Me: “What? Us Brits speak English too; we invented the language.”

Customer: “Oh sweetie, don’t worry! You’ll learn real English in America.”

Me: “Okay.” *I decide to throw in a British colloquialism* “Here’s your order. Have a pukka day!”

Customer: “See, I knew you British didn’t speak English.”

He’s Got The Bear Necessities

| MN, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month, Top

(A little boy, around five or six, comes into my work with his parents. He has a scab below his eye.)

Me: “Hey, buddy! What happened to your eye?”

Boy: *looking down, embarrassed* “I fell off a chair.”

(I lean down, and whisper to him just loud enough for his parents to hear.)

Me: “Just tell people you got in a fight with a bear, and WON!”

Boy: *lights up* “Yeah! Dad, can I say that?”

Dad: “Well, that’s what happened, right? You got in a fight with a bear and WON!”

Boy: “YEAH!”

Snide Salad

| Brooklyn, NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I am a customer at a restaurant. I overhear an exchange while I am waiting for my pickup order.)

Customer: “Waiter?”

Waiter: “Yes ma’am, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Where is my side salad?”

Waiter: “Uh, ma’am?”

Customer: “I said, where is my side salad?”

Waiter: “You ordered a salad, ma’am.”

Customer: “Yes, I know.”

Waiter: “Salads don’t come with side salads.”

Customer: “But it said on the menu that orders came with side salads.”

Waiter: “It said in the entree section that orders came with salads, not in the salad category.”

Customer: “I WANT MY SIDE SALAD!”

Waiter: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t give you a side salad for your salad.”

Customer: “This is unacceptable. Every time I’ve come here, I have received a side salad.”

Waiter: “Have you ever ordered the salad as a main course before?”

Customer: “No, but—”

Waiter: “Exactly. We only provide side salads for things that are in the entree section. We do not give side salads to people who order salads.”

Customer: “BUT WHY NOT?!”