Totally Trashed The Place

, | Tallahassee, FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

(I am busy cleaning the dining area. I have just removed a full trash bin from its holder, leaving the door to said holder wide open. This is to signal that there is no trash can there, so customers should try another one. As I start carrying the bin to the back, I hear the sound of a tray, disposable plates, and various sauces hitting the floor. I turn around to see a customer has tossed their trash into the empty space where the bin used to be, making a mess on the floor. The customer immediately looks at me like a kid that was caught stealing cookies.)

Customer: “The nerve of some people, making such messes like this! Shame on whoever did this!”

(The customer quickly leaves. Another customer who has seen the exchange starts laughing.)

Other Customer: “Kinda makes you lose your faith in humanity, doesn’t it?”

Me: *sighs* “Welcome to customer service, where everything is your fault and the reason doesn’t matter.”

Requires An Ounce Of Common Sense

| St. Paul, MN, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Math & Science

(We offer burgers as 1/3 pound patties or 1/2 pound patties. There’s only a $1 difference between the prices.)

Customer: “What’s the difference between the 1/3 and 1/2 pound burger?”

Me: “There are 16 ounces to a pound. So, 1/2 a pound is 8 ounces, 1/3 is just over five ounces.”

Customer: “Umm…”

Me: “The recommended portion of protein for a meal is 4 ounces. So, a 1/3 pound would be right around the recommended portion; 1/2 a pound would be twice that.”

Customer: “Umm…”

Me: “Are you just a little hungry, or very hungry?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Well, let’s go with the 1/2 pound burger. It’s only a dollar more. If you don’t eat it all, I can box it for you and you can take it home.”

Customer: “No, I don’t want to take it home. So, what’s the difference again?”

(I finally have to make completely inaccurate round shapes with my hands to convey the size.)

Customer: “I want the little one.”

(End of the meal comes…)

Customer: “I’m still hungry. Did I order the little burger, or the big burger?”

Me: “The 1/3 pound; the little one.”

Customer: “Ugh, why didn’t you tell me to order the big one?”

The Answer Came From The Gut

| FL, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Health & Body

Me: “Was everything all right? Did everyone enjoy their meals?”

Customer: “The food was excellent. My digestive system is dutifully converting it into feces even as we speak!”

Me: “That’s… super.”