A Gluten For Punishment

| NSW, Australia | Working | November 9, 2015

(I overhear this gem from a waiter enquiring after a young lady who had ordered a gluten-free meal.)

Waiter: “And with the gluten-free meal, is it for gluten intolerance or gluten ignorance?”

Wants To Know Top From Bottom

| OH, USA | Related | November 7, 2015

(I’m gay and my Southern Baptist grandpa has a very hard time dealing with this. My mom let it slip that I am in a relationship.)

Grandpa: *in very loud voice* “So which one of you goes on top during ‘the act’?”

(I have never been so embarrassed.)

I Have A Hangry

, | Germany | Right | November 5, 2015

(I am a waiter in a small bar on campus of the local university. Accordingly, most of our customers are students. I am taking an order from a customer.)

Customer: “I’d like to order a baked potato. I’d also like a dipping sauce along with that but it has to be vegan!”

Me: “Well, I don’t know for sure which of our dipping sauces are vegan. I’ll just ask in the kitchen real quick if you don’t mind.”

Customer: “No, you will stay right here! I’m hungry. I want to order NOW!”

Me: “Of course, but like I said: unfortunately, I don’t know which of our dipping sauces are vegan.” *I hesitate for a moment and add* “I’m pretty sure our ketchup is vegan, though.”

Customer: “Ugh, no thank you! What dips do you offer, then?”

Me: “We usually serve sour cream with our baked potato. We also offer Asian, mango, chili, and curry dipping sauce as well as mayonnaise and ketchup.”

Customer: “Well, what about your mango dipping sauce? Is it vegan?”

Me: “Unfortunately, I do not know that for sure. I would reckon it is. However, if I could just check with our cooking staff I could offer you a more helpful response. It won’t take a minute!”

Customer: “No, I don’t want to wait! Just give me sour cream.”

Me: “Are you sure about that? Sour cream is certainly not vegan.”

Customer: “I DON’T CARE ANYMORE!”

Me: “All righty, then!”

(When I served her the baked potato (with non-vegan sour cream) she apologized to me for being a nuisance. She explained that she tends to get pretty cranky when she’s hungry.)

Giving You A Tip Right Back

| Novi, MI, USA | Right | November 5, 2015

(It is shortly after nine on a Monday night. I have not had a single table since seven so the cook, who is the owner’s son and my age, and I decide to close up shop early. On a regular Monday we close at ten so we are only closing 45 minutes early. Then all of a sudden the phone rings while I am closing up the cash register. Seeing as we are the only two in the restaurant I answer on speaker phone so I can still use my hands to count the drawer.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Restaurant]. How can I help you?”

Customer: *irate* “Yeah why the f*** are your doors closed?”

Me: “I’m terribly sorry, sir. The owners have chosen to close a bit early tonight. So sorry for the inconvenience.”

Customer: *growing more irate by the word* “Well, you know WHAT?! I can’t believe this s***! I am a regular customer who spends a good amount of money here and am here multiple times a week.”

Me: “Again, I apologize, sir. I would love to have something made for you, but all the grills are shut off and it would take quite a while for them to heat back up. I don’t make the rules; I abide by them.”

Customer: “Yeah? Well some of us don’t have a f****** wife or girlfriend at home to cook dinner for us and we work late! I was just in there the other day and I left the waitress a very good tip, and I didn’t have to do that!”

(Mind you I was the SERVER he referenced, and indeed he is a regular customer. Where he went wrong was the comment about the great tip he left, and the onslaught of curse words.)

Me: *firmly but politely* “Well, sir, again I am very sorry for the inconvenience regarding this evening. But may I add that I was the server that you tipped the other night and while yes, I appreciate your tip, 10 percent is hardly a ‘very good tip.’ Oh, and another thing, with a piss-poor mouth like that no wonder you can’t find a lady to want to stay home and cook for you when you get home. Now I have to go. You’ve wasted a sufficient amount of my time.” *click*

(He came in later that week and apologized to me.)

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Totally Stupido

| Buffalo, NY, USA | Working | November 5, 2015

(I am really hungry and stop by an Italian restaurant that has “to go” options. I see something I want and ask the girl at the register for it.)

Me: “Hi, can I please get a pepperoni calzone?”

Cashier: *looks at me like I have two heads* “I’m sorry, WHAT?”

Me: *pointing at the item on display* “That calzone right there. I’d like that.”

Cashier: “Um, that’s stromboli.”

Me: “Okay. Can I get that then?”

Cashier: “Yeah, sure. What the h*** is a calzone?”

(Please keep in mind – Italian restaurant.)

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