Someone Is Telling Porkies

| Youngstown, OH, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Top

(My wife and I are eating at an Indian restaurant. An older couple has finished their meal in the booth next to ours; the server has brought them their bill.)

Customer: “Are you sure this was lamb curry? It tasted like pork.”

Server: “Yes, sir. We do not serve pork.”

Customer: “I’m not calling you a liar, but it sure tasted like pork.”

Server: “We do not have any pork on the menu, sir.”

Customer: “Well, all I know is, it tasted like pork.”

Server: “Sir, we do not even have any pork in the building.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t know about that, but I’m telling you, it tasted like pork!”

My Wife: *to me, but loudly enough for them to hear* “Didn’t stop him from eating it all, though.”

(The customer glares at us, then silently hands the server his credit card. They leave quickly when she brings it back.)

Server: *to my wife* “Thank you so much!”

The Bark Tastes Worse With A Bite

| GA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(Our restaurant serves salmon grilled on a cedar plank.)

Me: “Here is your cedar salmon. Can I get you anything else?”

Customer: “No. But can I ask you a question?”

Me: “Sure!”

Customer: “Can I eat the wood?”

All You Can Eat, Not You Can Eat All

| MI, USA | Food & Drink, Money

(I work in a buffet restaurant, mostly serving pizza. The customers pay at the register when they come in.)

Customer: “Can I get a to-go box for my leftovers?”

Me: “Well, you have to pay extra for anything you want to take with you.”

Customer: “Why? I already paid at the door when I came in so this is my pizza on the table. Why do I have to pay more for it?”

Me: “Because the buffet price is only for what you eat here. We can’t afford for people to eat here and take food home with them for another meal.”

Customer: “I’m not stealing if that’s what you’re trying to say!”

Me: “Ma’am, are you full? Are you finished eating?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “Then you have had all you can eat. That’s all you paid for.”

Pretty Fly For A Strange Guy

| Columbus, OH, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

Customer: “Excuse me, miss, look what I found in my drink.”

(He holds a dead fly up. I have no idea how it got in his drink, but I’m mortified.)

Me: “Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry! Let me find my manager for you.”

Customer: “Nah, it’s okay. I drank it all and it’s no big deal.” *laughs*

Me: “That’s really nice of you, sir, but I do want to tell my manager about it. This sort of thing is not supposed to happen.”

(The customer keeps holding the fly in his hand. I go looking for my manager but can’t find him. I don’t want to keep the customer waiting for their check forever, so I go back to the table.)

Me: “I’m so sorry, I couldn’t find him, but as soon as I see him I’ll make sure to tell him about this. But here’s a coupon for your next visit, and I took the drinks off your check.”

Customer: *smiling* “Thanks! But really, it’s no big deal. It’s kind of funny. Hey, look who’s not dead after all?” *holds up the fly, which is now squirming* “Ain’t he cute?”

(He suddenly smashes the fly on the table, wipes his now fly-gut covered hand on my apron, and leaves.)

Failed Across The Board-ing

, | MI, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Top

(I recently started working at a restaurant in my local airport. We serve passengers waiting to board their flights. As a rule, we tell all of our customers how long their food will take so that they don’t risk missing their flight or not receiving their food in time to board. I am visibly pregnant.)

Me: “Hi, what can I get for you today?”

Customer: “Can I get a cheeseburger combo from the grill?”

Me: “Sure! Just so you know, they usually take about 10-15 minutes to make. Is that alright?”

Customer: “Yeah, that’s fine…”

(I give the woman her total, cash out the transaction, and she goes to her boarding area. After about five minutes, she returns.)

Customer: “Where the f*** is my burger?!”

Me: “Ma’am, as I said before, they take anywhere from 10-15 minutes to make. I can go check and see how much longer it will be for you.”

Customer: “Bulls***! You didn’t tell me that! My plane is boarding! I’m going to miss my flight!”

Me: “Hold on one second, ma’am and I’ll go check.”

Customer: “No, f*** that! I want a manager and a refund!”

(I fetch my manager.)

Customer: “I want this pregnant s*** fired! She didn’t tell me that the food would take this long! How could you even hire someone like that? I don’t want some knocked up s*** taking my order!”

Manager: “Ma’am, you are entitled to a refund. However, you are not entitled to insult my cashier and disturb the other customers. Also, I don’t doubt that my cashier told you how long the food would take. I’m betting you didn’t notice her saying it. Just like you didn’t notice that she is wearing a wedding band excluding her from your s*** comment, didn’t notice that your food has been sitting on the hot tray for a full two minutes while you berated my employee, and didn’t notice that your flight is not boarding. The flight boarding is for uniformed military only.”

Customer:*stammers, takes her burger, and goes back to her boarding area in silence*

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