Me: “Hi, welcome to [Restaurant]! Can I get you something to drink?”
Elderly Customer: *pounds fists on table* “I WANT BEEF!”
Me: “O… kay… If you’re ready to order, I could get you our [Roast Beef Entree]?”
Elderly Customer: “I don’t care. I just want beef!”
Me: “Okay…” *sighs*
Winemaker: “…as you taste this pinot you might notice flavors like cherry, vanilla, and roasted meat.”
Taster: “Wow, yeah! That’s amazing. Do you put all that stuff right in the barrels?”
Winemaker: “Ummm…no. Wine is only the fermented juice of the grapes. Those flavors come from the soil…”
Taster: “Oh I see. So you bury it all around the plants.”
Taster’s Girlfriend: “Honey, we should go.”
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Me: “Welcome to [Ice Cream Store]. What can I get you?”
Customer: “I’d like a twist on a sugar cone.”
Me: “I’m sorry we can only put soft serve on a wafer cone. Is that all right?”
Customer: “Yeah that’s fine.”
(She pays, and I give her the ice cream)
Customer: “What is this?!”
Me: “Your order, ma’am.”
Customer: “I ordered a sugar cone!” *throws her ice cream on the floor* “I demand my money back!”
Me: “If you want another ice cream I’ll give you one for free, just as long as you don’t throw another tantrum.”
Customer: *strangely calm* “Thank you.”
Me: “Would you like half and half?”
Hippy Woman: “Oh no! Soy, please. Humans aren’t supposed to drink milk you know. Haven’t you noticed we’re the only species that drinks the milk of another species?”
Customer: *Upon receiving her latte.* “This has a round lid. Can I have a flat lid?”
Me: “I’m sorry, the only lid that fits that cup is a dome lid.”
Customer: “But I want a flat lid, Starbucks always gets me a flat lid! Why can’t you?!”
Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but the flat lids we have won’t fit that cup.”
Customer: “I want to speak with your manager.” *mutters* “Stupid kids…”
(I go and get my manager)
Manager: “What’s the problem, ma’am?”
Customer: “This stupid employee of yours won’t give me a flat lid!” *brandishes the drink in his face*
(My manager takes one of every single lid in the store and puts them in front of her)
Manager: “Go ahead then.”
Customer: *proceeds to try and put the lids on the cup, none of which fit* “This is ridiculous! Why don’t you have a flat lid?! Starbucks always has a flat lid!!”
Manager: “Then go buy your drinks there and leave my employees alone.”
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