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A Couple Of Weighty Requests

, , , | Right | January 21, 2011

(Because I was tied up with other tables, my manager kindly seated and provided drinks for an older couple in my section.)

Me: “Hello, sorry for the wait. I see you already have menus and drinks; is there anything else I can get you?”

Husband: “Well, [Manager] suggested we try this beer and it’s fabulous! It has a funny name though, I can’t remember it.”

(I notice the orange slice on the glass and identify the beer as a Hefeweizen.)

Me: “That is a hefeweizen, sir. They are very tasty.”

Husband: “No, that’s not it. It was something else.”

Me: “Hefeweizens are commonly served with citrus. I’m sure that is a hefeweizen.”

Husband: “No, it wasn’t that. It was something German. Hoffenschneider?”

Wife: “No, it was something like hoffenweizer.”

Husband: “That might be it!”

Me: “It is German. It’s called a hefeweizen.”

Husband: “No, you’re wrong. Go get your manager; she knows.”

(Several minutes later I overhear my manager attempting to explain to the couple how to pronounce “Hefeweizen.” She eventually gives up and says, “Just say ‘Hef’.” I return to the couple shortly after my manager leaves.)

Me: “Did [Manager] clear up the confusion for you?”

Husband: “Oh, yes! It certainly is a strange name. We’d like two more heifers, please!”

Smoke Your Veggies

, , , , , , , | Right | January 18, 2011

(I’m a waitress taking the order of a little girl and her mother.)

Young Daughter: “I’ll get the mac ’n’ cheese. Extra cheesy!”

Mother: “No, you certainly will not. It’s your third day eating mac ‘n’ cheese, missy! You’re going to get chicken and broccoli.”

Young Daughter: “But, mommy! Eddie said that broccoli is bad for you!”

Mother: “Your brother most certainly did not!”

Young Daughter: “Yeah! The other day I saw him smoking his broccoli and when I asked if I could he looked at me and said that it’s very bad for little girls like me. His eyes were all red and everything!”

Mother: “When was this?!”

Young Daughter: “Yesterday! But his friend brought over more broccoli today. They’re weird.”

Me: *feeling very awkward* “Ma’am, I can get the check for you if you’d like to leave?”

Mother: “That’d be great. And could you box up an order of mac ’n’ cheese, please? Oh, and some really good-smelling stuff? I figure they’ll have the munchies and I want to torture them.”


This story is part of our Hilarious-Kids roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

10 Adorable Stories About The Kids Of Customers And The Darndest Things They Say

 

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A Grave Realization

, , , | Right | January 12, 2011

(After a fellow waitress has passed away, we have just returned from her funeral.)

Customer: “Oh, my gosh, we are so glad to see you here!”

Me: “Why?”

Customer: “We thought that it was you that had passed away!”

Me: *after thinking for a minute* “I didn’t see you at my funeral!”


This story is part of our Perfect Comebacks roundup!

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So Pho, So Crazy, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | January 5, 2011

Me: “Hello, ma’am, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “Sorry, I was just curious. What ethnicity are you?”

Me: “Oh, I’m Vietnamese.”

Customer: “What’s that?”

Me: “You know, from Vietnam?”

*blank stare*

Me: “…like the Vietnam War?”

Customer: “Oh! You were in that?”

Catfish Caught His Tongue

, , , | Right | January 4, 2011

Me: “Hi, what can I get for you today?”

Customer: “I want fish.”

Me: “All right, what kind of fish? We have catfish, tilapia, or grouper.”

Customer: “I just want fish.”

Me: “I have to know what kind you want.”

Customer: “I just want some d*** fish. How hard is that?”

Me: “Catfish it is. Whole or filet?”

Customer: “Whole is with the bones?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Customer: “Filet. I don’t like bones.”

Me: “All right.”

(I return ten minutes later with his order.)

Me: “Here you are, sir. Any sauce or anything?”

Customer: “This isn’t what I wanted.”

Me: “What’s the problem?”

Customer: “I’m allergic to fish!”


This story is part of our Allergic To Common Sense roundup!

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