Some Like It Hot

| Annapolis, MD, USA | Related | May 16, 2017

(I was out to dinner the other night with my grandparents and my cousin, who is a year older than me and just turned 25. Our waiter is taking our orders:)

Cousin: “I’ll have the lamb chops with a side Caesar salad.”

Waiter: “And what temperature would you like your lamb chops?”

Cousin: “Uh… hot?”

(We all attempt to contain our laughter.)

Waiter: “Oh, I meant like medium or well done. Like, what doneness do you want your meat?”

Cousin: “Oh! Um I’ll have it…”

Grandfather: “Cooked!”

(My grandmother and I burst out laughing as the waiter tries his hardest to hold back laughter.)

Cousin: “…I’ll have it medium.”

(After the waiter walked away.)

Me: “How would you like your meat cooked? Over a bed of coals in a brick oven for four hours.”

(My grandparents start laughing again. Later on when our food is brought to our table.)

Grandmother: “Oh, [Cousin], how are your lamb chops?”

Me: “Are they hot?”

(We’re never letting him live this one down.)

When Life Forgets Your Lemons…

| WI, USA | Working | May 16, 2017

(I have ADHD and am chronically ill. Both of those conditions are hitting my executive functioning extra hard today. I spend a while trying to decide what I want; I consider a burger, but then decide on pork chops.)

Waitress: “And what would you like?”

Me: “I’d like the bacon cheeseburger, please.”

Waitress: “Sure, and what would you like for your sides?”

Me: “I… uh…” *freezes, suddenly remembering I had changed my mind* “I’m so sorry; I didn’t mean to order that. I got confused.”

Waitress: “It’s no problem!”

Me: “Can I make that the pork chops instead, with green beans and mashed potatoes? And can I have a strawberry lemonade as well? Thank you.”

Waitress: “Sure thing!”

(She takes everyone else’s orders. Our food comes, and we start eating. About half an hour later, she comes by with my strawberry lemonade.)

Waitress: “I’m so sorry. This is free. I’m really sorry.”

Me: “Oh… I… thanks?”

Waitress: “I just walked by your table and saw the drink menu and realized I never got you your drink! I’m so sorry it’s so late.”

Me: “That’s okay. I completely forgot I ordered it at all.”

(I don’t feel quite as bad for spacing out now, and she seemed very relieved I wasn’t upset!)

Caught In Your Own Onion Ring Of Lies

| IN, USA | Right | May 15, 2017

(I’m a server and I get sat with a table of three elderly ladies.)

Lady #1: “I’ll have a coffee and fries.”

Lady #2: “I’ll have a coffee and onion rings.”

Lady #3: “I’ll have a coffee and mozzarella sticks.”

Me: “Okay, three coffees, fries, onion rings, and mozzarella sticks. I’ll be back with the coffees as soon as I get your order in!”

(A little while later when I’m bringing out the food.)

Me: “Okay, fries for you, onion rings for you, and mozzarella sticks for you. Everything look okay?”

Lady #2: “I ordered fries, too, not onion rings. God, can’t you people get anything right?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, I thought I heard onion rings. I’ll fix that for you.”

Lady #1: “No, no. She ordered onion rings.” *to [Lady #2]* “You ordered onion rings; she did her job perfectly. Quit being difficult or I’m never going anywhere with you again.”

Lady #3: “Yeah, cut the crap!”

Lady #2: *turning bright red* “Oh, yeah, I did say onion rings.”

Me: *unsure what to say* “Uh… okay, enjoy your food. I’ll be back to check on you!”

Chivalry Isn’t Dead, Just On Sale

| USA | Working | May 15, 2017

(I am working the lunch shift as a hostess. I am in charge of giving servers their shifts and tables. Because it is a slow morning, I, my manager, and a server, both male, are standing around and talking in the back of the restaurant. At that moment, I’m the only girl in the place.)

Server: *sighs* “[My Name], I’ll give you $5 if I can leave now.”

Me: “That’s extremely tempting…”

Server: “And I’ll give [Manager] $7!”

Manager: “An entire $7?”

Me: “And they said chivalry is dead.”

Shirley, You Can’t Be Serious

| MN, USA | Right | May 14, 2017

(I’m waiting on a lady and her son, who looks about 12 or 13.)

Me: “What would you like to drink?”

Lady: “I’ll have a diet Pepsi.”

Boy: “Um… what do you have?”

Me: “We have Pepsi products. I’ve also got some grenadine if you’d like a Shirley Temple.”

Boy: “Oh…” *blushing slightly* “Um, I’m not old enough to drink.”

(His mother snickers and I try to stifle a giggle as well.)

Me: “Grenadine is cherry syrup and a Shirley Temple is just like cherry 7-Up. Also called a kiddie cocktail.”

Boy: *looking embarrassed* “Oh…”

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