Paging Strange Requests

, , , , , | Right | October 19, 2017

(I am an associate manager, and I have just answered a call. There is an elderly woman on the line.)

Me: “Good afternoon. Thank you for calling [Restaurant]. This is [My Name] speaking. How can I help you?”

Customer: *raspy voice* “I understand your restaurant doesn’t have a paging service. I am looking to get in touch with my friend, [Friend]. She should be in the dining room with her son. She has grey hair and wears glasses.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but the restaurant seats almost 300 people, and we are full and busy. I am unable to go and find your friend. Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Customer: “No, I guess not.” *hangs up*

(About 30 minutes go by and another associate manager tells me about the strangest call.)

Coworker: “Yes, it was so strange. She wanted me to go out into the dining room and find some woman with glasses. I wasn’t sure what to do. So, I indulged her for a minute and put her on hold while I went to ‘look.’ I came back to the phone to tell her I couldn’t find her friend. Once I told her the news she became a bit upset and said, ‘Today is a very unlucky day for you. Upon connection to my friend I was going to give you $1,000.’ Then, she hung up. How strange.”

Colourful Language

, , , , , | Friendly | October 19, 2017

(I’m chatting with a group of friends about a TV show.)

Friend #1: “So, that fat black guy on the plane and—”

Me: “You mean Abraham?”

Friend #1: “I guess.”

(After a while…)

Friend #1: “He’s a pretty tough guy, that black one.”

Friend #2: “His name is Abraham.”

Friend #1: “Yeah, okay.”

(Continuing on…)

Friend #1: “So, that fat black guy’s a father now.”

Me & Friend #2: “Abraham…”

([Friend #1] refers to everyone else by their names, except the only black guy in the main cast, also the only one who is plump. Really?)

Bussing Bus Tables

, , , , | Right | October 18, 2017

(I’m working at a popular sandwich shop in a college town. I’m closing with two other employees the night of my college’s big winter formal dance. We close at 10:00 pm and we’re all hoping to get out early in order to make the dance. Unfortunately, it’s been a busy night, so come 9:50 pm, we’re only just starting closing procedures. I’m putting chairs on the tables in the dining room when a customer comes through the door looking frantic.)

Customer: “Are you all still open? Can we still order?”

Manager: “Sure, we’ve still got the food out and we’re open for another ten.”

Customer: “Great, thank you so much!”

(He ran out of the restaurant… which is when I noticed the bus. He came back in with about 30 people in tow: a junior varsity and a varsity volleyball team and all of their chaperones. They not only ordered 30-plus sandwiches and beverages, they also went to the dining room and pulled down the chairs I put up, since they planned on eating in. The manager said nothing since we all knew our boss would throw a fit if we did anything to lose the customers. It took 30 minutes for everyone to get their food. I began cleaning up around the crowd, hoping this would signal that we were closed and they needed to hurry up and leave. It didn’t. We didn’t get them out until 11:00 pm, which was when we could finally start closing the front of house. Nobody thanked us as they left, and our tip jar, which we’d divided earlier before the group walked in, was still completely empty. The only good thing to come out of the night was our manager pouring us all a few pints of beer to try to make closing more tolerable — and my friends all waiting for me before heading to the dance.)

Chicken And Buzzers And Gorilla’s, Oh My

, , , , , | Right | October 16, 2017

(I work as a cashier at a popular pizza parlor and place to play arcade games. A man and a woman come in.)

Me: “What can I get for you today?”

Man: “What y’all sell here?”

Me: “Pizza.”

Man: “Y’all got chicken?”

Me: “We have chicken wings, and there are slices of chicken you can put on your pizza.”

Man: “But you don’t got no, like, fried chicken?”

Me: “No, sir.”

Man: “Oh. Y’all got waiters?”

Me: “No, sir.”

Man: “Then how does the food get to us?”

Me: “I’ll give you a buzzer, and when it goes off you can pick your food up over there.”

(By his point, it seems as though the woman he is with is beginning to grow impatient with him.)

Woman: “Okay, we’ll have some breadsticks, and what do you think of a medium pizza for the two of us?”

Man: “Man, I need more than a medium pizza and some breadsticks. I’m like a gorilla!”

Don’t Do Coke, Kids!

, , , , , , | Right | October 13, 2017

Customer #1: “What kind of soda products do you have?”

Me: “Coke.”

Customer #1: “I’ll have a Pepsi.”

Customer #2: “Dude, she just said they have Coke products.”

Customer #1: “Isn’t Coke a Pepsi product?”

Me: “Coke is Coke.”

Customer #1: “Okay. Cherry Pepsi, please.”

Customer #2: “Me, too.”

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