icon_languagewords

An Extra Order Of English Muffins

| IA, USA | Language & Words, Money, Popular

(My senior year of high school, I worked in a very small diner in a very small town. I make a bet with my manager that I can convince a table that I am from England. One Saturday morning, he seats an elderly couple and tells me that it was their first time in the restaurant. I took this as my cue.)

Me: *in a very thick, fake English accent* “Good morning! May I get you something to drink?”

Customer #1: “Are you English?!”

Me: *laughs* “Yes. My father moved here a few years ago and I’m visiting him for a few months.”

Customer #2: “Poor girl. Came all the way across the ocean just to work in a diner. We’ll have coffee, dear.”

Me: “All right. I’ll have that right out to you.”

(I get them their drinks and take their order when another table walks in and sits directly behind them. I go up and get their drink order in my normal voice, knowing that the other table can hear me. Throughout their stay, I alternate accents. The second table, after I explain to them what I am doing, laugh and wish me luck. During their meal, they ask me all sorts of questions such as where I came from, what it’s like in the United Kingdom, and such. Having never actually BEEN there, I went off what little knowledge I actually had to answer their questions.)

Customer #1: *to my manager on their way out* “You treat her nice now! She came all the way from England!”

Customer #2: *hands me $20* “Enjoy your stay here, young lady.”

(After they leave.)

Manager: “What just happened?”

Me: “I do believe I just won that bet, sir.”

icon_crazyrequests

Giving Them The Milk-Shakedown

, | Warwick, RI, USA | Crazy Requests

(I’m taking late night orders at the drive-thru. Two very heavily intoxicated women come through.)

Customer: “We’d like two milkshakes.”

Me: “Apologies. As it is a half hour before we close, our ice cream and shake machine has been shut down and disassembled for the night

Customer: “But we just came from the bar! You can’t do this to us! We need our shakes!”

(After trying to reason with them, my very sarcastic manager takes over.)

Manager: “Well, I suppose we could reassemble the machine, fill it up, wait minutes for the mix to freeze up to make your shakes, and then we can just break it all down again after.”

(Most people would see this as pure sarcasm, but it would seem the women are too far gone to get it.)

Customer: “Thank you! We’ll wait while you do that.”

(My manager gave up, told them to have a great night and took off his headset. They sat there for a few minutes before driving off. Some people don’t take a hint.)

icon_pizza

Won’t Accept Your Olive Branch

| TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I’m working in a pizza shop, and an irate customer has just brought his pizza back up to the counter to my coworker.)

Customer: “I ordered this pizza WITHOUT mushrooms, and it is completely covered in mushrooms!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, sir. I’m very certain that pizza has no mushrooms on it. It contains all the meats, onions, black olives, and cheese.”

Customer: “And I’m telling you I see mushrooms all over it.” *lifts up cheese and displays a black olive* “See? Right HERE!”

Coworker: “Sir, that is a black olive.”

Customer: “I know what a god-d*** f****** mushroom looks like, so don’t tell me that!”

Coworker: “Very well, sir, I’ll remake the pizza and give you free drink refills while you wait.”

Customer: “Just hurry up, then!”

(I remade the pizza, once again without mushrooms. Customer receives his pizza and starts the same dialogue again. Since this was before smart phones or even the Internet, it was not possible to bring up a picture of an actual mushroom to show the customer what an idiot he was being.)