His Attitude Belongs In A Zoo

| Kirksville, MO, USA | Bigotry

(I work in a local mom-and-pop restaurant. There’s a guy who comes in a few nights a week, drinks tea, and tries to chat up the waitresses, especially the new girls. This is the exchange that happens on my first night while I’m clearing off a nearby table. I’ve learned since then to avoid him.)

Customer: “So what are you going to do with your life?”

Me: “I’m hoping to get a job as a zookeeper.”

Customer: “A zookeeper? You’re going to need to get yourself a husband to pay for your life.”

Me: “…”

A Faulty Sandwich

, | FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Customer: “This sandwich is supposed to be no tomatoes and it’s supposed to have cheese on it.”

Me: “Sorry about that. I’ll remake it for you”

(I turn to get a new sandwich. I come back and the customer’s husband is standing next to her.)

Husband: “I asked for no cheese. This has cheese on it. And where’s my tomato?

Me: “Um, it looks like you guys were eating each other’s sandwiches”

Customer: “Well, who’s fault is that?”

Me: *to husband* “I’m not going to answer that one, but I’ll make you a new sandwich since your correct sandwich has already been thrown away.”

(Two perfectly good sandwiches in the trash and two replacements later, I wish I could say this was uncommon.)

Keeping The Card Is Not In The Cards

, | UK | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

(I work in the restaurant in a large chain of department stores that have their own store credit card. I am making coffee and my coworker is next to me on the till. Very few of these store credit cards are under the branding of the old store which closed down 10 years ago but is still fondly remembered by the locals. Usually the holders of these cards consider is a sort of status symbol but these old cards have recently been phased out.)

Coworker: “That will be [price], please.”

(The customer hands her an old branded store card.)

Coworker: “I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t accept this card. Do you have another form of payment?”

Customer: “Why can’t you accept it? There’s never been a problem before.”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, sir, but we have been given instructions from head office to not accept these cards anymore. I don’t know anymore than that, I’m afraid.”

Customer: “Why? There’s never been a problem before!”

(I decide to step in as I know a little more information.)

Me: “[Company] has decided to phase out the old cards and replace them with new ones. The old cards have now been deactivated and will no longer work with our tills.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I won’t be able to use my card anymore? What am I supposed to do?”

Me: “You should have been issued with a new card by now. It would have been sent through the post.”

Customer: “I was but I don’t want a new card; I want to use my old one!”

(My coworker and I sigh internally.)

Coworker: “If you like I can get a manger for you but I suggest you take this up with customer services; they will be able to give you better assistance.”

(He insisted on speaking with a manager who told him the same as we did. The manager, however, told him to enjoy his coffee and cakes and return later to pay when he can arrange another form of payment. Of course, he didn’t come back.)

You Need To Get Ovary It

| USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Wild & Unruly

(I’m a manager at a restaurant with a drive-thru. A customer pulls up to the speaker box and proceeds to tell the order-taker that she had come through last night and her three chicken sandwiches were cold. She says she spoke with a manager and was told to come by for a replacement. The company’s policy is just to replace the order with or without proof, so the drive-thru operator tells her to go ahead and pull around to the window. As the manager I verify that the replacement chicken sandwiches are fresh and hot and hand the bag out the window myself. As I’m about to tell her that I have made sure her sandwiches were fresh, she snatches the bag out of my hand and screams.)

Customer:  “What about my d*** fries and drinks?”

Me: “Sorry about that, ma’am, I didn’t realize you had wanted fries or drinks. What would you like to drink?”

Customer:  “[Soda]!”

(A minute later I hand her the fries and drinks. She starts screaming again.)


(I make her three new sodas, the whole time staying calm and polite. I tell her to have a good day and apologize one more time for her cold food on her last visit. As she drives away the employee who took her order says:)

Employee: “I don’t know how you stay calm like that when those assholes are getting free food.”

(I shrug my shoulders and walk away. The phone rings and I answer it. Of course it’s the customer from the drive through screaming into the phone.)


Me: “Speaking. How can I help you?”

(She goes on to say that she had horrible service, girl at the window was rude, food was cold, etc.)

Me: “Ma’am, I handed out your order. I apologize if you thought I was being rude, but I can assure you the sandwiches and fries were hot and fresh. I verified that myself before handing you the order.”

Customer:  “I HAVE OVARIAN CANCER AND I EXPECT TO BE TREATED BETTER THAN THIS! This is horrible customer service!”

Me: “Ma’am, I apolo—”


Employee: “Did she just say—”

Me: “—that she hopes I die from ovarian cancer? Yes.”

That’s A Latte To Take In

| Galway, Ireland | Food & Drink

(I work in a large, busy coffee shop. I am assisting an American customer who is reading our menu very closely. We offer iced coffees, including iced Americanos, lattes, and mochas.)

Customer: “Okay, the iced Americano. This says that is dairy-free. What makes it dairy-free?”

Me: “There’s no… dairy in it. It’s made with water and coffee.”

Customer: “Okay, could you make me that, but with some milk in it?”

Me: *trying to be chipper and patient* “Yes, of course! How much milk?”

Customer: “Oh, all milk. Coffee, and then milk instead of water.”

Me: *trying not to laugh* “Okay, no problem!”

Customer: “Wait… does that just make it an iced latte?”

Me: “Yes… Yes, it does.”

Customer: “Ah, never mind. I don’t want that, then. I’ll just get a smoothie.”

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