That’s Just How He Rolls

| Singapore | Friendly | June 14, 2016

(I overhear this conversation between two men at the next table. Man #1 is quite portly.)

Man #1: “My girlfriend doesn’t believe me when I said I used to have a six-pack.”

Man #2: “Oh, she met you when you only had a one-pack?”

Man #1: “Yeah. But it’s not a one-pack! It’s a three-pack!”

Man #2: “Three-pack?”

Man #1: “Three rolls of fat, rather like three-layer pork!”

Not… Done… Not Listening!

, | Jackson, CA, USA | Working | June 14, 2016

(I decide to go through the drive-thru of one of the local fast food restaurants. I used to work at this location, so I place my order as easily as possible, so the employee doesn’t have to ask 100 questions.)

Me: “Hi, I’d like a medium #4, with three egg rolls instead of the fries, and a Dr. Pepper with light ice, please.”

Employee: “Okay, that’s a #4 with onion rings and a small Diet Coke?”

(As she says this, the items start appearing on the order screen.)

Me: “Um, no. I’d like it with three egg rolls and a medium Dr. Pepper.”

(I see the onion rings disappear from the ordering screen, but the Diet Coke stays up there.)

Employee: “Okay, if your order looks correct, it’ll be—”

Me: “My order isn’t correct. I’d like a medium Dr. Pepper with light ice, not a small Diet Coke.”

(She finally rings up the correct drink.)

Employee: “Does your order look correct now?”

Me: “Yes, but I’m not done ordering. Can I get—”

Employee: “Your total will be—”

Me: *losing patience* “I’M. NOT. DONE. ORDERING. YET.”

(Silence from her while I gather my composure.)

Me: “Can I get two tacos with no taco sauce, please?”

Employee: *sigh* “Will that complete your order?”

Me: “Yes.”

Employee: “Your total will be [total] at the window.”

(The funniest part was that the person working the drive-thru was the manager! I was polite my entire time at the window, but she all but threw my change and food at me before mumbling a thank you and slamming the window shut. My fiancée, who was in the car with me, couldn’t stop laughing the entire time.)

Wining Without Reason

| Germany | Right | June 10, 2016

(The restaurant I work at is hosting a wedding and I’m waiting on several tables. One group has been extremely nice, joking around with me and just being plain fantastic – except for one guy, who has not said a single word except for his mostly one-worded drink orders to me. As I’m checking on them to see if everything is all right and if they need any more drinks, he decides to finally break his silence.)

Customer #1: “I ordered a dry Dornfelder. This is not dry. This is not even a Dornfelder.”

(I was the one who poured his wine, and it was a dry Dornfelder, not to mention that there were only two kinds of red wine being served, a dry and a half-dry Dornfelder, so even if I poured the wrong wine, he still would have been wrong.)

Me: *beaming* “I’m very sorry, sir. I will get you a new glass and pour you the right wine right away.”

(When I come back, the man is not at the table, so I show the bottle to the rest of the group to make sure they see the label.)

Me: “Just so you can all be sure that he is getting the right wine this time.”

Customer #2: *ironically* “He knows a lot about wine, you know.”

Me: “Of course I do. I immediately noticed. Especially because we only serve Dornfelder this evening. Shall I take the old glass?”

Customer #3: “No, sweetie, leave it on the table. No use wasting this wine.”

(When I check the table the next time, I’m sure to ask Customer #1 if the wine is right this time, and he agrees, telling me that this glass is absolutely delicious while the last one was complete garbage. The next time I came back to the table, he is gone again.)

Customer #2: “Just so you know, I tasted both; and I really don’t notice any difference. Both glasses taste absolutely fine to me.”

Me: “They really should taste the same. They’re from the same bottle.”

1 Thumbs

Need To Install A Listening Station

, | Denver, CO, USA | Right | June 10, 2016

(I am another customer in this case, observing. It is an extremely busy morning at the airport and there is a line of about 10 people for a coffee and pastry counter. This counter has a place to order, and a separate place to pick up and pay.)

Customer: *approaches the pay portion of the counter* “Is this where you order?”

Employee: “No, sir, you have to order down there.” *she indicates the large “ORDER HERE” sign hanging at the other end of the counter*

Customer: “I want a bagel, but I don’t want it cooked. Do you cook your bagels?”

Employee: “You can choose to have it toasted or not, if that’s what you mean. But you have to order down there.”

Customer: “Okay, well, I’ll have a plain bagel, not cooked, and a coffee.”

Employee: *at this point clearly flustered and just trying to move the guy along quickly* “Your total will be $6. Please stand off to the side and wait for that to be ready.”

Efficiency Is Not On The Menu

| USA | Right | June 9, 2016

(I work in a restaurant with a gourmet pizza menu. The pizza menu is an 8.5×11 sheet of paper, in a fairly small font, front and back. Customers can choose a pizza from the menu, or they can order their own custom pies. I am lucky enough to answer the phone one day…)

Caller: “Hi, what kind of pizza do you have?”

Me: “Our pizza crust is made from locally grown wheat flour and we have an imported gas burning oven. We’ve got a variety of toppings and combinations.”

Caller: “Okay, I need to know what the options are.”

Me: “Not a problem. Our full menu is available online at [Website URL]. ”

Caller: “I really don’t want to look online.”

Me: “Well, sir, there are quite a few options on our menu. If you look at the website—”

Caller: “Can’t you just tell me?”

Me: “You want me to read you the menu over the phone?”

Caller: “Yes.”

(I read the entire pizza menu. Each pizza has the type of sauce, cheese, and toppings. This takes probably five minutes, which is a crazy long time when you work in a restaurant.)

Caller: “Okay.”

Me: “So, do you know which one you’d like?”

Caller: “Those all sound way too complicated. Can I just get a pepperoni pizza, please?”

Me: “Yep…”

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