These Customers Come But Once A Year

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Crazy Requests, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

(The restaurant I work at is closed Thanksgiving and Christmas, and has been doing so for 20 years. Every year, we get at least one call the day after each complaining. It is December 26th.)

Caller: “Hi. I tried coming to your restaurant yesterday but the lights were all out, the doors were locked, and nobody answered your phones!”

Me: “We were closed yesterday.”

Caller: “But you guys are never closed on Christmas!”

Me: “Sir, we’ve been closed on Christmas and Thanksgiving every year since we opened.”

Caller: “Liar! I DEMAND to speak to your manager!”

Me: “Sir, I am currently the only one in right now. I can give you the owner’s number if you like.”


Me: “I am the manager on duty. If you call back at about 11, the mid-shift manager will be in and you can speak with him if you don’t want to speak to me.”

Caller: “I want free food because you people locked the doors and wouldn’t let me in yesterday!”

Me: “Sir, I can’t give you free food because you came by on one of the two days of the year we are closed.”

Caller: “Why the h*** not?”

Me: “Do you work somewhere that closes on certain days?”

Caller: “Yeah! I work for the bank!”

Me: “So, if I called in on a Monday and demanded free services because I had come by the Sunday before and you were closed, what would you do?”

Caller: “I would laugh at you and hang up.”

Me: “Well, then, I guess that’s as good a plan as any.”

(I laugh at him and hang up.)

With A Side Order Of Hypocrisy

| ID, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(It’s my first night shift at my new job. Two customers come in at around 9 pm.)

Me: “Hi. Welcome to [Restaurant]. How can I help you?”

Customer #1: “Can I have a chicken sandwich?”

Customer #2: “Ugh. Don’t do that! All the food here is crap! It’s CRAP! You’ll get FAT!”

Me: *awkwardly* “So… would you like—”

Customer #2: “It isn’t real food here, anyway. It’s all processed and fake!”

Customer #1: “Are you getting something or not?”

Customer #2: “Yeah.” *to me* “Gimme two double cheeseburgers and a medium fry.”

Order(s) Out Of Disorder, Part 2

| PA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I work at a drive-in style restaurant that also takes call-in orders. It’s store policy to ask for the customer’s name before ending the call, because we sometimes get more than one call-in order at a time.)

Me: “Hello. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Pick-up.”

Me: “Okay. Not a problem!”

(I check the register, and I see that we have three call-in orders at the moment.)

Me: “What was the name for that order?”

Customer: “I don’t know! I didn’t call it in!”

Me: “Well, we have several call-in orders right now so I’ll need some information to make sure you get the right one. What food was on the order?”

Customer: “How the h*** should I know what she ordered?!”

Me: “Okay… So, you don’t know the name and you don’t know what the order was for?”

Customer: “Yeah, whatever! Now give me my food!”

Me: “Without the name or the order, I have no way of knowing which one is yours. You’ll either have to call and ask or wait for all the other orders to be picked up first because I can’t just guess and risk giving out someone else’s food to the wrong person.”


Order(s) Out Of Disorder

Some Customers Are Just Worth Recording

, | Cupertino, CA, USA | Awesome Customers, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Technology

(I’m working in the drive-thru.)

Me: “Hi. Welcome to [restaurant]; what can I get for you today?”

Customer: “Are… are you a recording?”

Me: “Yup. I’m absolutely a prerecorded message to take your order and make your day just a little brighter!”

Customer: “Oh. Well… I’ll have [order].”

(The customers drive up to the window to pay. I look at them amusingly.)

Me: “Am I a recording?”

Customer: *laughs* “Sorry. You were just so chipper that we thought you were a recording!”

Me: *chuckles* “It’s no problem. I’ve been up for three hours already and I’m loaded up on caffeine! Anyway, your order comes out to [total].”

Customer: “Okay. So, if I drive off right now, do you get to keep the change?”

Me: “Umm… That hasn’t happened before, so… maybe?”

Customer: “Okay. Well, have a great day, then!”

(The customers drive up to the next window to pick up their food. They very kindly leave me with a $15 tip!)

Arguing To The Bitter End

, | USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(First thing in the morning we had a mishap which resulted in both our tea urns to be filled with sweet tea. Unfortunately, several customers got sweet tea instead of unsweet before we noticed the mix up.)

Coworker: *over headset* “Look out! This customer got the wrong tea and is really mad!”

(As my coworker speaks, a customer speeds up to my window. As soon as I open the window she throws her tea at me and starts screaming.)

Customer: “I’ll get you b******s for this! How dare you do this to me! I demand compensation for my troubles! You little s***s could have killed me!”

(Although soaked in sticky tea, I make her a new drink. I get an okay from my manager to pacify her with a small dessert item. Meanwhile, she has been screaming through the closed window the whole time.)

Me: “Here is your tea, ma’am. Again, I’m sorry for the mix up.”

Customer: “Don’t you lie to me. I know you don’t give a s*** about me or any of your other customers!”

Me: “In any case, ma’am, my manager has offered you a small dessert item for your troubles. We have chocolate chip or oatmeal cookies. We also have hot apple pies.”

Customer: “I can’t have any of that crap! I can’t have any sugar or I’ll DIE! See, you don’t care at all. Lying little b****! I’ll never eat here again!”

(Later in my shift during lunch, a very familiar woman comes up to the counter and targets me.)

Customer: “You! You need to get me two dozen of each of your cookies. Make it fast!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. Four dozen cookies comes to [price].”

Customer: “Oh, h*** no! I was told I’d get them for free! You f*****d up my order this morning. The manager said I could have free cookies! Just ask them.”

Me: “Ma’am, I assure you the manager did not agree to give you four dozen cookies for free.”

Customer: “Yes, they did! I hope you’re fired for this. You are just as rude as that little b**** that sabotaged my order!”

Me: “Ma’am, I did not sabotage your order. While I did offer you a small bag of cookies or an apple pie this morning, you turned it down. At no point was there ever an agreement that you could come in at your discretion and demand cookies from us. I’m sorry, ma’am. I must ask you to leave if you are not going to place an order.”

(A look of slow realization passes her face when she recognizes me as the employee she harassed earlier.)

Customer: “Well, fine! I didn’t want your crummy cookies anyway!”

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