Red Light Bulb Moment

| Germany | Hall of Fame, Rude & Risque, Top

(I am in a recently opened restaurant. I overhear this conversation at the table next to me. At the table is a large family.)

Customer: “Has there ever been another restaurant in this building? The place looks so familiar.”

Waitress: “I do not know. The building has been vacant for many years.”

Customer: “I remember the stained glass windows and the spiral stairs. I am sure I have been here before.”

(Just then, another waiter passes the table.)

Waitress: “Do you know if there has ever been another restaurant in this place?”

Waiter: “No. Until they went out of business a few years ago this place was a brothel.”

(There is an awkward silence at the table.)

Read this story as a comic!

Interested In Another Kind Of Bun

, | Vernon, BC, Canada | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Theme Of The Month

Me: “Welcome to [Fast Food Chain]. My name is [Name]. What can I get for you?”

Customer: “Hey, [My Name], I’d like a large double-double.”

Me: “Anything else for you?”

Customer: “Yo, do you have any hookers?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You know, hookers.”

Me: “Yeah, no. We don’t carry those here, sorry.”

Customer: “Aw, man! Well, whatever, I guess we’ll try [rival fast food chain right next to ours].”

Me: “Sounds like a good plan.”

(I almost got in trouble for saying ‘no’ to a customer and referring them to our rival, until my boss learned what they had been asking for!)

Ah, Grandmothers, Part 3

| Piscataway, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Family & Kids

(My aunt works at a popular doughnut shop chain near my grandmother’s house. One evening, my older sister and her boyfriend, my little brother, and I decide to head there after an afternoon at a fair, while waiting for my mom to pick us up. A short while afterward, a couple of tough-guy type young men walk in, making rude comments, being loud, and generally making a nuisance of themselves. The leader of the group approaches the counter where my aunt is working.)

Customer #1: “Yo, b****, gimme your number.”

Aunt: “I don’t think so. Is there anything you’d like to order?”

Customer #1: “How ’bout a piece of that a**?”

Aunt: “Sorry, not on the menu. Now order something or please leave.You’re holding up the line.”

Customer #2: “B****, we’ll leave when we wanna leave.”

Customer #3: “Yeah, who’s gonna stop us, little old you?”

Aunt: “No, little old [Manager]. Now, please, place your order or get out.”

(The customer orders two cases of donuts, and throws his money to the ground.)

Customer #1: “See what you did? Pick it up and hand it back to me!”

Aunt: “Um, it’s on your side of the counter.”

(The customer picks up his money and walks over behind the counter and throws it down again.)

Customer #1: “Now pick it up, b****!”

Aunt: “No. As a matter of fact, leave. I’m refusing service.”

Customer #1: “Why, because I’m black?!”

Aunt: “No, because you’re acting like an imperious a**hole, and you have been since you walked in. Now leave, or I’m calling the police.”

(As luck would have it, a police officer stops inside the shop.)

Me: “Wow, that was fast.”

Customer #1: “Officer, this racist b**** was trying to kick me and my homies out. We ain’t even done nothin’!”

Officer: “Really? Because what I saw was you throwing your money at this woman twice, in addition to walking behind the counter, which isn’t allowed for non-employees.”

(The customer and his buddies start throwing a fit, yelling expletives, flipping everybody off, and generally acting unruly. Then they head outside and start throwing boxes around; the leader even takes off his shirt and tries goading everyone into a fight.)

Customer #1: “COME ON, I’LL SHOW Y’ALL! I’LL BEAT Y’ALLS A**ES SO HARD! COME ON!”

(He has another argument with the officer, but thankfully leaves with his buddies. However, he comes back a few minutes later accompanied not by his friends, but his grandmother.)

Customer’s Grandmother: “So I understand y’all have a problem servin’ my grandbaby?”

Customer: “Yeah, yeah, they were callin’ me all kinds of s***, and the girl over there was saying we were on food stamps!”

Customer’s Grandmother: “…[Customer’s Name], stand outside and wait while I talk to the officer here.”

(The customer steps outside and my aunt explains everything that happened. After hearing it, the grandmother is incensed and walks outside.)

Customer’s Grandmother: “YOU LITTLE PUNK-A**! GET YO’ A** IN THE CAR NOW! You dragged me outta my home for THIS?!”

(As they drive off, my mom finally pulls in.)

Mom: “So, what’d I miss?”

Related:
Ah, Grandmothers, Part 2
Ah, Grandmothers
Ah, Mothers
Ah, Fathers
Ah, Fathers, Part 2

Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 4

| Philadelphia, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

Customer: “Hi, can I get a [sandwich]?”

Me: “Sure, that’ll be [price].”

Customer: “Oh, I’m the owner’s brother. I always get a discount.”

Me: “You’re the owner’s brother?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “No, you’re not.”

Customer: “How do you know, you f****** b****?”

Me: “I’m an only child.”

(I then point to a photo of myself on the wall, with the word ‘OWNER’ just below it.)

Me: “Full price then?”

Customer: “…yeah.”

Related:
Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 3
Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 2
Getting Owned By The Owner

I Do Work Here, Does Not Work Here

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Liars & Scammers

(It is Valentine’s Day, and I work at one of the more popular restaurants in the city. When I arrive to start my shift there is a long line of couples coming out of the doors. I am clearly in my work uniform, and I approach the door to start my shift. The first customer in line throws his hand in front of me to block the door.)

Customer #1: “Whoa, man, can you not see the line?”

Me: “Excuse me? No, sorry, sir; I work here.”

Customer #1: “Yeah, nice try. Back of the line.”

Me: “Sir, I clearly work here, as you can see by my uniform and name tag. If you don’t mind, my shift starts in a few minutes and I’d rather not be late.”

Customer #1’s Girlfriend: “Look, buddy, we’ve been waiting here for 30 minutes. No silly costume is gonna get you in ahead of me.”

Customer #1: “Yeah, my girl deserves the best, so don’t think you’re gonna take it away from her on Valentine’s Day. So why don’t you just go and wait like the rest of us before I f*** you up!”

Me: “Look, sir, I don’t understand why you don’t believe me, but I really do work here and I’m meant to be inside right now! Can you please just let me go to work?”

(Customer #2, standing in line behind Customer #1, decides to chime in.)

Customer #2: “Look, mate, he’s made it quite clear to you that he works here. Why don’t you just let him through?”

(Note: Customer #1 is clearly a good few inches taller and more muscular than Customer #2.)

Customer #1: “Excuse me? Did you really want to get involved?”

Customer #2: “Uh, no! Sorry!” *to me* “Sorry, mate, I tried.”

(At this point, I am already a good few minutes late, and my phone starts to ring.)

Me: “Hello?”

Manager: “[My Name], where the h*** are you? One of the busiest nights of the year and you choose to be late now?”

Me: “I’m right outside. I have been for ten minutes, but this customer won’t let me through because he doesn’t believe I work here!”

Manager: “What?! Hang on.”

(My manager hangs up and comes outside to find me barricaded by the customers. He looks at me, but points at Customer #1 and his girlfriend.)

Manager: “Is this them?”

Me: “Yep.”

Manager: “Look, do you want to explain to me why you’ve made my best worker late?”

Customer #1: “What? He doesn’t actually work here, does he?”

Manager: “I don’t want to deal with this tonight. Take your girlfriend and leave. There’s no chance of you getting a table after all this. [My Name], come inside and I’ll check the tapes later so I don’t have to mark you late.”

(Customer #1 and his girlfriend were banned from the restaurant. Even better, Customer #2 ended up giving me a huge tip!)

Related:
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 12
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 11
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 10
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 9
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 8
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 7
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 6
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 5

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