He Has Beef With The Cheese

, | OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Me: “Welcome to [store]; how can I help you?”

Customer: “I want a cheeseburger, with no cheese.”

Me: “Okay, so that’s one hamburger—”

Customer: “NO. I want a CHEESE-burger with no CHEESE.”

Me: “Right. So that’s a hamburger—”

Customer: “NO! God, are you deaf or something? I want a f****** CHEESEBURGER with no f****** CHEESE!”

Me: “…okay, so that’s cheeseburger, no cheese.”

Customer: “Yes! Was that so hard?”

He Only Wants The White Meat

, | Manchester, England, UK | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Language & Words, Top

(I am working on a till at a popular fast food restaurant, where we serve fried chicken. One of the more popular drinks is a white chocolate milkshake. I have just finished handing out an order when a father and his son come up to the counter.)

Me: “Hi there! Welcome to [name of restaurant]. Can I take your order?”

Father: “Yes. Can I have a white chocolate chicken meal and a fried milkshake?”

Me: *thinking I’ve misheard* “I’m very sorry; what did you say?”

Father: *irritated* “A white chocolate chicken meal, and a fried milkshake!”

(I look at the son, and we both exchange puzzled looks.)

Father: “Look, it’s just a white chocolate chicken meal and a fried milkshake! What’s so hard—”

(The son bursts out laughing; the father looks down confused.)

Father: “What? You did want a white choco—”

Son: “Dad! Think about what you just said!”

Father: “I remember! A white chocolate chi—”

(He suddenly realizes what he has said before, and covers his eyes with his hand.)

Father: “I didn’t just say that, did I?”

Son: “You did!”

Father: “Very sorry about that. A white chocolate MILKSHAKE, and a fried chicken meal, please?”

Thou Shall Find Lovecraft Online, Ramen

| Philadelphia, PA, USA | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid, Geeks Rule, Religion, Technology, Theme Of The Month

(I’m a waitress in a popular buffet chain restaurant. I am serving a middle aged customer who is wearing a shirt that has a picture of Cthulhu and the Flying Spaghetti Monster in a heart. Beneath it is the caption ‘we met on the internet’.)

Me: “That’s a great shirt!”

Woman: “Thanks. I think it says a lot about the kind of people you find on the internet.”

Me: “How do you mean?”

Woman: “You know, how there’s nothing but monsters online.”

To see the t-shirt design mentioned in this story, visit the NotAlwaysRomantic Extras section, which can be found here!

Modern Scammers Work Double Time

, | WI, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

(I’m a crew member at a fast food joint, while my uncle is the general manager at a sit down restaurant across the street. I’m working drive thru.)

Customer: “Hi, I just came through a few minutes ago, and my burger was all wrong, plus my fries were cold.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that. Just come up to the window, and we’ll get it all fixed up.”

(She pulls up, and I don’t recognize her at all. I don’t see a bag from us in her car either.)

Customer: “I also didn’t get my soda either.”

(Now I know she’s lying, because I’ve been in drive thru all day, and I never poured an extra soda. My manager just says screw it and give her what she wants. After I got off, I went up to my uncle’s restaurant to sit and chat. I tell him about the woman.)

Me: “I would have noticed someone wearing fleece pants in this heat!”

Uncle: “Uh… I’m pretty sure she came here.

Me: “WHAT!”

Uncle: “This lady came in. She was wearing fleece pants and a college sweatshirt. I see her looking at a menu. I speak up, and she says her salad was wrong and her wings were cold. I don’t recognize her from before. I ask for a receipt, and she doesn’t have one. I ask what kind of salad and what kind of wings. She looks at the menu for a few more minutes. I just wanted to get her out because we had big orders in the kitchen. So she got about $25 out of me.”

Me: “You did better than me! She got $7 from us! Did you forget her soda?”

Uncle: “YES! Yes, we did!”

Link, Nyu, And Sephiroth Walk Into A Bar…

, | Derby, England, UK | Food & Drink, Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month, Top

(There’s an anime convention near to where I work. A bunch of them come in while I’m on the front counter. All of them are in costume.)

Me: “Great costumes, guys! You had a good day?”

(Link from Legend Of Zelda is the first to speak up.)

Link: “Yeah, it’s been amazing, thanks!”

(I spot one of their friends, a disabled girl, dressed as one of my favorite characters. I call out to her.)

Me: “Oh, wow! It’s Nyu! You look adorable! I think you win for best costume of the day!”

Link: “Thanks for that; no one has guessed correctly all day and she’s been pretty upset about it! I think you pretty much just made her day!”

Me: “My pleasure!”

(I turn to the girl.)

Me: “No one could guess your costume, sweetie? Guess they don’t watch the cool shows, huh?”

(The girl smiles, and begins to answer, but she’s cut off by a random customer who’s come storming over towards us.)

Customer: “Alright, that’s enough of that! I’M here now, so you can stop catering to that [disabled slur] and show me some respect!”

Me: “Sir! Please, there’s no need to be so harsh to another customer! If you do not tone it down a little, I will have to ask you to leave!”

Customer: “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Why the f*** should I tone it down?! SHE shouldn’t be here, and YOU should start showing me more respect, b****, or I’ll see what your manager has to say about this!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I was always taught that respect was earned, and that you must always respect others. Since you are unable to do this to me or this poor girl you have insulted, then I have no reason to show YOU any respect. Please leave.”

Customer: “WHAT THE F—”

(He cuts himself off as he suddenly finds himself surrounded by various different anime and game heroes, all complete with replica weapons.)

Sephiroth: “I believe the lady asked you to leave, so scram.”

(The guy all but runs out of the store. ‘Link’ pulls out an ocarina, and plays a medley of various video game songs for me as a thank you. It makes my night!)

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