Yellow Asparagus Will Make You Quite Green

, | MN, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

Me: “Okay, what kind of veggies would you like on your sandwich?”

Customer: “I’ll take lettuce, spinach, olives, and asparagus.”

Me: “Uh, we don’t have asparagus.”

(Her tone suddenly becomes very snide and she points at a bin of vegetables.)

Customer: “Well, what do you call that then?”

Me: “…banana peppers.”

Customer: “So that’s not yellow asparagus?”

Me: “I’m pretty sure if we sold yellow asparagus we’d be shut down. Asparagus is green.”

Customer: *embarrassed* “Well, I’m sure a lot of people make that mistake.”

Me: “Nope.”

Enough To Make You Cry

| QC, Canada | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I work in a hotel restaurant. A group of clients have been notoriously difficult, sending back dishes more than once for small details. On a particularly busy night, a waiter walks back into the kitchen and asks about a meal.)

Waiter: “Does this dish contain onions? The client says he’s deadly allergic.”

(Hearing this, the chef panics and asks the waiter to bring him to the client.)

Chef: “Sir, are you all right? Do you have any medicine for your allergy? I’ll call the ambulance right away!”

(The client is confused and worried.)

Client: “What? No, I don’t have medicine. Why?”

Chef: “You told the waiter you were deadly allergic to onions. You should have mentioned it earlier. There were some in the soup.”

Client: “…oh. I just don’t like onions.”

Some Stupidity Is A Hard Nut To Crack

| NJ, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(After serving a very difficult table, I am happy they are on dessert and leaving soon. As I go up to hand them the check:)

Customer: *as she literally spits out the mouthful* “Oh, my God, are there nuts in here?! I can’t eat nuts! They will break my teeth!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, you ordered NUTS OVER CARAMEL ice cream.”

Customer: “I just thought that was the name of it. Why are there nuts in it?!”