Combo Number Four(skin)

, | Des Moines, IA, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names, Health & Body, Rude & Risque

(I’m working the drive-thru at about nine pm. A car comes up and a teenager gives his order of a burger.)

Me: “And what size do you want for that?”

Customer: “Uh… circumcise me!”

Me: “You mean supersize?”

Customer: “Yeah! Circumcise me.”

(He drives to the first window, paying. I stick an extra plastic knife in his bag. When he drives to my window, I hand him his food.)

Me: “Sir, I included one of our plastic knives. Unfortunately, we can’t perform your request here.”

Customer: “What?”

(The girl in the passenger seat, presumably his girlfriend, leans over and whispers in his ear.)

Customer: *eyes widen and looks at me horrified*

Me: “You did ask.”

Customer: *steps on the gas and speeds out of the drive-thru*

Needs A Break(fast)

, | MI, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

Customer: “Do you have toast?”

Me: “No, ma’am. We—”

Customer: *points to greeter* “But SHE said I could have breakfast, so I want breakfast.”

Me: “Even though it’s lunch time, we serve pancakes, bacon, and oatmeal all day. Would you like—”

Customer: “You must be NEW because you don’t know ANYTHING!”

Manager: “We also have some breakfast burritos left if you’d like those.”

Customer: “Ring me up for PANCAKES, then. Pan… CAKES. She said breakfast. I want breakfast!”

Me: “Would you like syrup—”

Customer: “YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING! PANCAKES. I WANT PANCAKES.”

(Luckily, her pancakes come up pretty quickly, and she yanks the tray out of my manager’s hands.)

Customer: “SEE? Now you KNOW SOMETHING.”

Me: *to manager* “I am now aware that we have pancakes. I now have edumacation. I are smart.”

Manager: “You can leave early if you want…”

Anti-Bigotry Bigotry

| Myrtle Beach, SC, USA | Bigotry, Family & Kids

(I am a male host at my father’s restaurant. My very flamboyant boyfriend has come to pick me up at the end of my shift.  I need to seat the customers first, so I asked him to step out of line.)

Customer: “How dare you!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “That boy wants to eat in this restaurant, and you’re refusing him service because he’s gay?! Let me speak to your boss!”

(I go and fetch my dad, who’s having a hard time keeping the smile off his face.)

Dad: “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “That host is a homophobe! He asked that gay boy to move so he could seat the rest of us! I demand that you fire him!”

Dad: “First of all, that’s my son, and—”

Customer: “I guess you’re homophobic, too, then.  Huh? Did you teach him that homosexuality is wrong and disgusting?”

(She continues shouting abuse for a few minutes. My dad patiently waits until she was done talking.)

Dad: “Second of all, the gay boy he supposedly refused service to is his boyfriend, who is here to pick my son up for their date.”

Customer: “Oh, uh…”

(She politely apologized to all three of us, and told my boyfriend and me to have fun on our date. Moral of the story: Don’t assume that everything you see is a hate crime!)

Not The Cream Of The Crop, Part 2

, | USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(One very early morning, I have just made a customer a hot mocha.)

Customer: “Um, I think there’s something wrong with my drink. It’s really cold. It’s not even lukewarm!”

Me: “I’m so sorry! Maybe I hit the iced button by accident. Let me remake that for you.”

(I proceed to remake the drink, being extra careful to make it perfectly.)

Me: “All done! Again, sorry about that.”

(The customer takes a tiny sip and slams the cup back on the counter.)

Customer: “It’s still cold!”

Me: “Sir… that was the whipped cream. Your coffee is underneath it.”

Related:
Not The Cream Of The Crop

Irredeemable Ignorance

| VA, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography

Customer #1: “Where are you from?”

Me: “Chile.”

Customer #1:  “Oh, really? I love your statue!” *spreads his arms cross-like*

Me: *smiling*

Customer #2: “That’s in Rio.”

Customer #1: “Well, close enough.”

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