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Yellow-Stoney Faces

| Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Time, Tourists/Travel

(I am a busboy at a local high-end restaurant in Salt Lake City, Utah. It’s 15 minutes past closing time. I’m out cleaning tables, when suddenly I’m beckoned over by one of the last holdouts of the night. I notice they are all on their phones.)

Customer: “Excuse me! Can you get our server?”

Me: “Absolutely, ma’am. I’ll be just one second.”

(I run and grab their server, and go drop off the dishes I collected. On my way back out to the dining room, I run into the server, looking bemused.)

Me: “What did they want?”

Server: *deep sigh* “They wanted a map of Yellowstone Park.”

Me: *laughing* “Really?! They stayed 15 minutes past closing for that? What’d you tell them?”

Server: “I told them we don’t have any, and then they asked me where they could find one. I told them, ‘Probably at a gas station. In Wyoming.’ And they were like, ‘Oh! A gas station! Okay, we’ll go there. Thank you very much!’”

Me: *laughing harder* “Yeah, or they could’ve just found one on the phones they had out in front of their freaking faces.”

Server: “No kidding!”

Me: “Did they tip you well?”

Server: “Not really.”

Me: “F*** them. I hope they never find Yellowstone.”

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No Meat In Their Brain, Part 5

| UK | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Popular

(Working at a popular fast food restaurant, I get a customer come up to my till.)

Me: “Hi, can I take your order?”

Customer: “Just a cheeseburger, please.”

(I tell him the price, take the money, and give him his burger. The customer comes rushing back looking sick.)

Me: “Is everything all right?”

Customer: “I asked for a f***ing cheese burger.”

Me: “Yes, that’s what I gave you.”

Customer: “This has meat on it. I’m a f***ing vegetarian; I wanted just the cheeseburger.”

Me: “All burgers come with meat unless asked to be removed.”

Customer: “You should have known because I asked for a CHEESE burger.”

Me: “Yes, I know, but that comes with beef unless stated like I just said.”

Customer: “F*** YOU.”

(He storms out leaving the half-eaten burger and I’m left confused as to why we wouldn’t have meat on our burgers.)

Related:
No Meat In Their Brain, Part 4
No Meat In Their Brain, Part 3
No Meat In Their Brain, Part 2

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The Key Is To Tip

| Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Bad Behavior, Money, Popular

(I work at a local high-class restaurant as a busboy. I was out cleaning tables when one of the hosts came up to me.)

Host: “Did you happen to see a hotel key on [table number]?”

Me: “No, I didn’t.”

Host: “Okay. The customer said he swore he left it on the table.”

Me: “Well, if I saw anything, I would have given it to you.”

(Truth be told, I didn’t bus that table. The server actually beat me to it. Out of curiosity, I approached the server later and asked her about it.)

Me: “Hey, did you happen to find a hotel key on [table number]?”

Server: “Yeah. I threw it away.”

Me: “Why?!”

Server: “Because the dude was an a**, and he also didn’t tip me. I’ve only not been tipped three times in my entire career. He can rot.”

(Moral of the story: The wrath of an un-tipped server is strong. Please tip your servers.)

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Sorting Out The Disorder

| TX, USA | Crazy Requests

(I’m a customer in this one.)

Worker: “Hi, welcome to [Restaurant]. What can I get you?”

Me: “I had a call in order for [My Name].”

Worker: “Oh… uh. Can I see your credit card?” *looks at card and verifies the last four digits on receipt* “We actually had a lady come in a few minutes ago, saying she was [My Name] and took that order. Did you have someone else coming for the order?”

Me: “No… not that I know of.”

Worker: “It was an order of [repeats my order to me]?”

Me: *laughing* “Yeah, it was. Oh, man, did you have any other pick up orders?”

Worker: “Yes, two others, but there’s only one order with a woman’s name. I even asked her what her name was, and she said [My Name].”

Me: “That’s weird! Oh, well. She’ll be upset when she gets home with the wrong order. And, of course, it’ll completely be your fault, because she didn’t pay attention.”

Worker: “I’m so sorry about that. We’ll make it up again, but it’ll be ten minutes. In the meantime, if you’d like a drink, it’s on the house.”

Me: “No, that’s fine. It wasn’t your fault at all that she didn’t listen.”

(I sit down and wait for my order to be remade. My name has just been called when a woman comes barreling up to the front.)

Her: “You screwed up my order. I didn’t order any of this crap.”

Worker: “Wait… was this the order for [My Name]?”

Her: “YES! I ordered [something more expensive] and I paid for this? I expect you to remake it!”

Worker: “We didn’t get an order for [something more expensive], only this one right here. Are you sure you’re at the right place?”

Her: “Yes! I always come here! You need to make this order again. I’d demand you refund my money if I didn’t think you’d double charge me.”

Worker: “Actually, you will have to pay for this order, ma’am.”

Her: “The h*** I will! Why would I need to pay for your screw up?”

Me: *stepping up after listening* “Oh, is this the order for [My Name]? Great, thanks!” *reaches over to put my hand on the order the woman has* “I guess this means that this is my order, too. Thanks for bringing it back for me.”

Woman: “Wait, but… what?”

Worker: “We can’t fill your order until you actually place an order in, ma’am. Are you sure you are in the right place?”

(The woman rushed back out, leaving the food behind. The worker offered it to me, but knowing some stranger had her hands in my food was a nauseating idea. We think the woman was trying to get a free meal out of the situation, but even if she’d been at the right place, she would have had to pay the difference in the meal if she’d truthfully ordered what she’d claimed to begin with.)

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Let Them Eat Cake

| MD, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I’m a young African-American man who is working at the dessert bar at the restaurant. An elderly lady walks up to the bar and selects a slice of cake.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am, how are you today?”

Lady: “Good, good. Say, do you have any smaller slices of this cake?”

Me: “No, sorry. All of the cakes are pre-cut in the back.”

Lady: “Oh, all right. I would just hate to waste.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry, ma’am. Tell you what, I can get a knife and cut that piece in half for you?”

Lady: “Oh, yes, please. I’d hate to waste, you know, with all the American children out there starving. Did you grow-up starving? I’m sure you did.”

Me: “Haha, no, ma’am.” *in my head* “THIS B****.”

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