Your Request Will Not Bear Fruit

| Colorado Springs, CO, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I work at local pizza place. The phone rings.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Pizza Place]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “What kind of pizzas do you have?”

Me: “Well, let’s see! I have pepperoni, cheese, [Specialty], which has sausage, mushrooms…”

Caller: “No, no, what kind of toppings do you have?”

Me: “Oh! I have pretty much anything you’d expect! For meats, I’ve got pepperoni, sausage, bacon, ham, chicken…”

Caller: “I don’t like vegetables.”

Me: “Okay, I have several pizzas with meats only…”

Caller: “Well, I don’t like meat.”

Me: “Do you want a cheese pizza?”

Caller: “Oh, no, I don’t like cheese.”

Me: “…”

Caller: “Can I make a suggestion?”

Me: “Sure!”

Caller: “You guys need to have a dragonfruit pizza.”

Me: “I’m… sorry?”

Caller: “Yeah. So, can you make sure your manager knows?”

Me: “Um… okay, sure. I’ll tell somebody.”

Caller: “Okay, well, I’m going to call back tomorrow to make sure you have a dragonfruit pizza.”

Me: “Well, I won’t be able to tell the owner by tomorrow. I’m sorry…”

Caller: “Oh, what’s your owner’s name?”

Me: “[Name].”

Caller: “Oh, okay, he’s the owner of [Pizza Place]?”

Me: “Yes, he is.”

Caller: “Is he the owner of ALL the [Pizza Place]s?”

Me: “Uh, no…”

Caller: “Oh, okay, well, can you tell him right now that you need to make dragonfruit pizza?”

Me: “He’s not here right now. Would you like to speak to the manager on duty?”

Caller: “Oh, no. I’ll call back in a month to make sure you have dragonfruit pizza. Okay? So make sure you make dragonfruit pizza by then.”

Me: “Um, okay, I’ll let somebody know for you.”

Caller: “Okay, thanks. I love you. Bye.” *click*

(What just happened?)

‘Word’ To The Unwise

| USA | Crazy Requests

(I am a server working a lunch shift when a woman and her teenage daughter are seated at my table. Many of our lunch portions are simply the smaller size dinner portions at a reduced price, so you can really get a nice deal by coming in early.)

Me: “Hi! How are you ladies doing today?”

Customer: “Oh, we’re fine. Before we order, though, I wanted to ask about the $10 off offer.”

(Our restaurant has a promotional club you can join online to receive coupons through email or the mail. We used to be allowed to just accept the coupon by looking at their smartphone, but our corporate office has just recently asked us to start taking physical copies.)

Me: “All right, great! Unfortunately, we just changed our policy about coupons and now require a physical copy. If you don’t have one, you can email it to us and I’ll have my manager print it out for you!”

Customer: “Oh, no, it’s not a coupon. We were told we could come in today and get $10 off.”

Me: *confused* “I’m sorry, I don’t understand. Do you remember the name of the manager who told you that? Or did he give you a business card with the discount on it?”

(My general manager will simply write a coupon on the back of his business cards on occasion.)

Customer: *sighs* “No! We were in here last night and the girl at the front told us we would get $10 off if we came in today!”

(At this point, I have no clue what she is talking about as the coworker in question has worked there for months and would never give out a “verbal” coupon.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I can’t just give you $10 off. If [Coworker] really said that, then she didn’t have the authority to give you a discount.”

(I try to diffuse the situation by explaining to her about our promotional club and that she can quickly sign up and receive the coupon right there in the store. Then, we could simply print it out for her.)

Customer: “No! I was told I would get a discount! I don’t need a coupon! Just go tell your manager and he’ll give me my discount. You’re obviously incompetent.”

(I give up and go talk to my manager who is busy helping the kitchen crew prep for the night. Not surprisingly, he has no clue what she is talking about and tells me he needs a physical coupon. I head back to the woman and relay the news.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we have to have a physical copy of a coupon. And unless something is wrong with the service or food, my manager can’t just give away discounts.”

Customer: *huffs* “Did you even speak to your manager?”

Me: *offended* “Actually, ma’am, I did. And to tell you the truth, I agree with him wholeheartedly, as a part of this new policy is that I, as a server, have to provide proof of discount for a coupon, or the difference will come out of MY pocket.”

(She motions to her daughter who hasn’t said a word throughout this whole exchange to stand up.)

Customer: *as she collects her stuff* “So, your manager refuses to honor his word?”

Me: “If he had actually told you himself, I’m sure he would give you a discount. But since you told me that [Coworker] told you this, then no, we cannot honor her word.”

Customer: *dragging her daughter away who is just shaking her head* “Fine! But your manager needs to keep his word!”

(Honestly, I’m just glad she didn’t try throwing a tantrum. I’m still amazed at the things some people will try just to save some money!)

Not A Glass-Act

| Boston, MA, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(It’s around 11 pm when a middle-aged man and his mother come in and ask if we do take out. He has two beers while they wait. I come to the table with the takeout order.)

Customer: “Can I have this?” *holding up the 20 oz pilsner glass he was drinking from*

Me: “Uh… no, I don’t think so. Let me see if—”

Customer’s Mother: “Stop it. We have glasses at home.”

Customer: “But I want this one.”

(I’m about to walk away when the customer threw the glass, still with about an inch of beer in it, into his takeout bag. He then grabbed his mom and booked it out the door.)

Unhappy Holidays, Part 7

| OH, USA | Bad Behavior, Holidays

(I’m a busboy at a five-star restaurant in my hometown, during our busy holiday season. As I make a round through the dining room, I see an elderly couple, probably mid-80s, leaving their table. I walk over to see them off before I go to work clearing the table.)

Elderly Man: *starts leaving with his wife*

Me: “You folks have a good evening and a Happy Holidays.”

Elderly Man: “Kid, you know what? Go f*** yourself, all right? We don’t celebrate the holidays, so get off of my back and quit pestering me, you uncultured f***.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. You have a good evening.”

Elderly Man: “There he goes again! [Wife], tell this kid to shut the f*** up! I didn’t repel Nazis to come home to this bigotry!”

Elderly Woman: “[Man], please go to the car and stop making a scene!”

(At this point the restaurant is quiet and all eyes on us, including my managers’.)

Elderly Woman: “I’m so sorry about him. Here, for the trouble.”

(She hands me a $20 tip for dealing with the man’s poor attitude. She was so sweet that we gave her a $50 certificate to our restaurant.)

Unhappy Holidays, Part 6
Unhappy Holidays, Part 5
Unhappy Holidays, Part 4

The Family Business Is None Of Yours, Part 2

| FL, USA | Holidays, Liars & Scammers

(I work in a semi-fancy family-owned Italian restaurant. There is Michael Sr., who is elderly, Michael Jr., who took over the business, and Amanda, the daughter. I get a table of four in…)

Me: “Hi, my name is Sarah. Can I get you started with some Christmas Ales?”

Customer: “I’m Michael’s brother, and I always get a family discount here.”

Me: *playing along* “Okay, Michael Jr., right? So Michael Sr. is your father?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “So you must be Dan.”

Customer: “Yep, that’s me. And I always get a family discount.”

Me: “You know, I’m really glad you’re here. What is your sister’s name? I can never remember, and I don’t want to be rude and ask her.”

Customer: *suddenly defensive* “Why do you need to know?”

Me: “Because it’s a family business, and she’s part of the family, and she comes around sometimes, and I should really know her name.”

Customer: “Well, ask someone else.”

Me: *politely* “You can’t tell me your sister’s name?”

Customer: “It’s… Stephanie.”

Me: *smiling* “Wrong. It’s Amanda. And Michael doesn’t have a brother named Dan. Nice try. How ’bout those Christmas Ales?”

(The cheapskates ordered water, and I went in the back and, thankfully, Michael was in that day, so I told him and my manager about it. I even informed them that I got condescending, and I apologized for any backlash it might cause them. They just laughed and told me ‘good job.’ Then I went to deliver their drinks, and they had left.)

The Family Business Is None Of Yours

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