CONTENT WARNING: Animal Death

Back in the late seventies when I started my career, I remember this one woman who came in during my very first month practising:

Woman: “Can you check out my cat? He’s being very lethargic.”

She then proceeded to pull forth from the carrier a deceased cat and stare expectantly at me.

Me: “Um… yep, that’s pretty lethargic all right.”

Woman: “What’s wrong with him?”

Me: “Well, he’s dead.”

Woman: “Oh… really?”

Me: “How is it that at no point during shoving this poor animal into the carrier, driving it over, pulling it out, and so forth, did it not occur to you that maybe this was no longer a living creature?”

Woman: “Well… he’s usually a very floppy cat.”

She didn’t seem too distraught. Other than the cat being… well… dead, he was obviously a very senior cat and seemed well-fed; my guess was he just died of old age. I was just more shocked that the owner didn’t notice…

We just got back from a family funeral. It was sad but not for a relative we were particularly close to. My three-year-old had a great time meeting extended family, though.

Three-Year-Old: “I met all the cousins! It was fun!”

Me: “Well, I am glad something good happened today.”

Three-Year-Old: “Let’s go to another funeral!”

After telling her that someone we love has to die before we go to another funeral:

Three-Year-Old: “Okay, get me pencil and paper. I make a list.”

CONTENT WARNING: Death/Grief

I go to a store not too long after my husband died. One of the ladies there recognizes me from a store she used to work at.

Employee: “Oh, hello! I remember you from [Home Décor Store]!”

Me: “Yes! I used to go there all the time! How are you?!”

We chat for a while, and when she asks me how I’m doing, I can’t hide how I am feeling. She talks with me about my grief and tells me ways in which she can also relate.

Me: *After a short but good cry.* “Oh, I’m so sorry! Look at me taking up all your time.”

Employee: “Don’t be! We all need a good cry now and again, and especially at times like this!”

The employee’s manager walks over and hands us both some coffee.

Manager: *To the employee.* “I know your break is ending soon but take an extra five if you need it.”

Me: “Oh, my— no! I’ve taken up your break! I feel so terrible!”

Employee: “Oh, please! You’ve saved me from half an hour of terrible music in the break room!”

After making me smile for the first time in weeks, I get home and write her a glowing review.

The next time I saw her, she came up to me, asked if she could give me a hug, and thanked me for the review because it got her a raise.

When my dad became unwell and had to move, he rented a garage behind an apartment block to store some furniture and other possessions he didn’t have space for. When he sadly passed away, my brother and I borrowed a friend’s van to go clear the garage out.

My brother is reversing the van up to the garage doors, but it’s taking a while as the access is narrow and near a corner. I sense some curtains twitching. This is quite a well-to-do area, and we’re a couple of twenty-somethings in a shabby-looking van they’ve not seen before. I can see where this is heading.

I’m usually terminally polite, but my dad just died, it’s hot, I’m tired, and I’m not in the mood for being judged by some stuck-up old bag.

Stuck-Up Old Bag: “Can I help you?”

Me: “Bless you, are you any good at reversing? That corner is pretty tricky to reverse around. Oh, it looks like he’s done it, but thanks so much for the offer.”

The woman gaped like a fish for a few seconds and then went back to twitch her curtains some more.

CONTENT WARNING: Animal Death (Fish eaten by other fish)

I work in an office building that is trying desperately to appear trendy, so every floor has a floor-to-ceiling fish tank behind the reception area.

One day, our Internet goes down, and the power soon follows. Our office manager goes to the building management room to check what’s going on and comes back shaking her head.

Me: “What happened?”

Office Manager: “The fish tank on [floor] burst, and it flooded the server room below it. The whole building is out.”

As she’s explaining and we’re figuring out damage control, we see the receptionist from the flooded floor come running in. She’s carrying a bucket and looks like she’s in a panic. She pushes a chair over to our fish tank, climbs up to the top, and opens the access area.

Office Manager: “What are you doing?”

Receptionist: “Saving our fish!”

Office Manager: “No! Don’t put them in there! They’re—”

Too late. She poured her floor’s fish into our tank. Our tank that contained fish specifically chosen by our partners (a legal firm) to evoke how ravenous for winning we all were. Yup. Piranhas.

There was a feeding frenzy, and fish skeletons kept floating to the surface for the rest of the day.