Why Guidance Counselors Shouldn’t Drink

, , | Right | May 4, 2009

(I am running a bocce ball tournament, and this guest starts talking to me while I am trying to watch the game and keep score.)

Guest: “You make a lot of money?”

Me: “I make enough.”

Guest: “You know, strippers make a lot of money. I heard of one who makes a thousand dollars a night.”

Me: “Wow.”

Guest: “How old are you?”

Me: “18.”

Guest: “Yeah, you should start now, before s*** starts to sag.”

Me: “…thanks for the advice.”

Guest: “No problem.”

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Unbearably Bad Ideas

, , , | Right | April 28, 2009

(I worked in a resort over the summer as a concierge.)

Tourist: “Can we see any wildlife in the area, you know, by the side of the road?”

Me: “Sure, we routinely see elk, deer, mountain goats, and bighorn sheep. I’ve seen a couple of wolves, too, and we get a lot of bears.”

Tourist: “Oh! Can we feed the bears?”

Me: “No, sir, the bears are wild bears. They are extremely dangerous and you should never approach any wild animal. Just stay in your car, with the windows up, and you’ll be fine.”

Tourist: “Oh… can we send our kids to play with the bears?”

Me: “That would be ‘feeding the bears,’ sir…”


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