Edits Are Not For Idiots

, , , , | Working | September 28, 2012

(My older sister and I both work at a resort. I work in the restaurant, while she edits pamphlets, menus and brochures. One of the other coworkers in the restaurant has written up a nutrition brochure but gets it back with a lot of corrections because her grammar and spelling are awful. She comes and waves her edited pamphlet in my face.)

Coworker: “That stupid b**** who edits this s*** thinks she’s so f****** smart, doesn’t she?”

Me: “Well, actually… she is really smart.”

Coworker: “Well, how do you know?”

Me: “She’s my sister.”

Coworker: “Tell your sister that I’m not a [slur for disabled people] and she can’t make all these edits!” *throws the pamphlet at me*

Me: “Well, first of all, my sister’s an English major. Second…” *points at the corrections* “…she’s right. The things she marked as needing to be corrected are wrong.”

Coworker: “F*** you!”

(My coworker spots a manager and stomps up to them.)

Coworker: “Tell the b**** who made these corrections that we aren’t making any changes to my pamphlet!”

Manager: *looks over the corrections* “No.”

Coworker: “Why the h*** not?!”

Manager: “Because we want the pamphlets to sound like they were written by an educated person.”

Coworker: “I quit!”

(Thankfully, my sister now prepares the pamphlets and brochures… properly edited, of course.)


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But They Come From Different Moms

| Working | September 3, 2012

(By coincidence, the last three coworkers I’ve encountered have all been named David. In walks a fourth.)

Me: “It’s one of the Dave’s I know!”

David: “Huh?”

Me: *embarrassed* “Oh… it’s, uhm… never mind. Just this old Kids in the Hall bit—”

David: *singing* “These are the Daves I know, I know. These are the Daves I know…”

 

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Saying One Thing Means A Mother

| Romantic | January 30, 2012

(My boyfriend and I are at a ski resort, and are having a little bit of an altercation. It is mostly joking, but serious enough that his best friend can tell I’m actually getting upset.)

Boyfriend: “Why is everybody freaking out? Everybody needs to stop freaking out!”

Me: “Why do you say ‘everybody’ when you just mean me? After all, I’m the only one freaking out.”

Best friend: *trying to comfort me* “You’re his everything. He just means that you’re everyone that matters to him. So when he says everybody, he just means you.”

Boyfriend: “Well, sometimes ‘everybody’ means my mom.”

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You Drive Me Crazy, Part 2

| Right | August 15, 2011

(I work on a resort where we rent golf carts out to our guests. I rent a cart out to a guest and her sons. She gets into the cart and I begin explaining how to use it.)

Me: “This is the gas pedal, here. If you push this knob all the way to the left, it will go into drive.”

Guest: “Okay. Like this?”

(She then proceeds to hit the gas pedal and drives up over the curb while screaming.)

Guest’s son: “I think we’ll walk.”

 

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Voodoo Or Do Not, There Is No Jedi

, , , , , | Right | August 30, 2010

(I’m the resort coordinator and often deal with claims from guests who have had an incident.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Resort]. How may I help you today?”

Guest: *already irate* “You can help me by filing a claim for me! I slipped and fell on your property during my vacation and I deserve compensation.”

Me: “I’m so very sorry that happened to you. Can you please provide me with your name and the dates of your stay so I can pull the incident report?”

(She gives me the information.)

Me: “It seems that your stay with us occurred almost three years ago. The report says you didn’t want to file a claim at the time. May I ask why you’re just now contacting us?”

Guest: “You should know! You’re the one that hired that voodoo man!”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Guest: “The security guard! The security guard who helped me up! He wiped my memory and his spell just wore off!”

Me: “He wiped your memory?”

Guest: “That’s what I just said, you idiot! Wiped it clean so I wouldn’t sue you people!”

Me: “He wiped your memory? Like a Jedi?”

Guest: “Yes! A Jedi! Now you understand why I have to deal with this now! That voodoo man is evil!”


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