My husband and I are at a family-themed resort in Orlando, finishing breakfast with our two children. He takes them to get more food while I sip my coffee. Almost immediately, a man appears.

Man: “Is this seat taken?”

He gestures to the seat my husband occupied not two minutes ago. I look around and see several empty tables.

Me: “There are open seats everywhere else.”

He sits down.

Man: “So, what’s your name?”

Me: “That’s my husband’s seat.”

Man: “I’m [Man].”

Me: “Please leave.”

Man: “How long are you—”

Me: *As loudly as I can* “LEAVE!”

The man nearly falls out of the chair. Several people around us have stopped eating and are now watching.

Man: “I’m just—”

Me: “Leave.”

Man: “No, I—”

Another man chimes in.

Man #2: “Hey, dude, you should leave her alone.”

Man: “I’m trying to be nice! She was sitting alone!”

Me: “I’m not alone.”

I point at my husband and children, now watching the show. My husband smiles and waves.

Man: “F****** b****.”

Man #2: *Standing up* “Look, you can’t talk like that. There are kids.”

[Man] makes a hasty retreat, though not into the resort. Instead, he walks out across the parking lot and leaves completely. My family sits down.

Husband: *Grinning* “Making friends?”

Me: “As always.”

We spoke with the front desk after breakfast. Apparently, the man lives nearby and often comes over to help himself to free food and harass women. They told us he is banned from the property but unless they call the police — which they don’t want to do because it would tarnish the resort’s reputation — they can’t do anything except keep an eye on him.

A woman calls from the five-star resort that we booked for her. She sounds panicked.

Caller: “I need to get back in the country!”

Me: “Ma’am, your cancellation policy won’t cover the expense of—”

Caller: “I don’t care about the bill! Get me out of here!”

Me: “May I ask why, ma’am?”

Caller: “There are Mexicans everywhere!”

Me: “Ma’am, you’re staying at a resort in Mexico.”

Caller: “No, not the help! They’re guests! There are Mexicans who are guests!“

She flew home six days early on her seven-day vacation… because there were too many Mexicans in Mexico.

I work at a vacation resort in the children’s center, a place with various activities for entertaining children. Two younger girls have been brought in by their mother. The older one is carrying a stuffed flamingo and the youngest has an owl in a doctor outfit.

Me: “I love your stuffies. Do they have names?”

Older Girl: “This is Mango! And Sissy’s is Doctor Who.”

Me: *To the younger girl* “I like your stuffie’s name. Why did you name it that?”

Younger Girl: “She a doctor.”

Older Girl: “And owls say, ‘whoo’.”

Mom: “They haven’t even seen the show, if that’s what you’re wondering.”

Me: “I was, actually. So it’s just a coincidence?”

Older Girl: “What show?”

Mom: *To me* “No, their godfather is a self-proclaimed geek and is quite proud of himself for convincing them to use that name.”

Older Girl: “What show, Mom?”

Mom: *To the girl* “You will have to ask your godfather about it.” *To me* “And I’ll have to figure out if it’s too late to swap their godfather for a less geeky model.”

Two young women come into my resort and try to make a reservation. They debate back and forth for a while about whether or not they want to pay so much for the room; we have a huge property and lots of amenities, so we are more expensive than a hotel. They finally decide to get a room for the night and extend in the morning if they like it. I have already brought everything up on my computer while they were talking, so all I need is to fill in their personal information and take payment for the room.

Me: “All right, that will be [total] for the night. If you’re paying with cash, we require a $200 deposit that you will get back at checkout, but there is no deposit if paying with a credit card.”

Woman #1: “Okay, what’s your cash tag?”

Me: “My what?”

Woman #1: “Your cash tag. I am paying with [Mobile Payment Service #1].”

Me: “Sorry, we don’t take payment with [Mobile Payment Service #1]. You’ll have to pay with cash or a credit card.”

Woman #1: “I don’t carry cash; this is more secure.”

Me: “Okay, well, my system isn’t set up to accept anything other than cash or credit card, so I physically have to have one or the other to check you in.”

Woman #2: “It’s fine, I’ll get it. I have [Mobile Payment Service #2] and [Mobile Payment Service #3].”

Me: “We don’t accept those, either — just cash or credit card.”

Woman #2: “Well, how do you expect us to pay for our room, then?”

Woman #1: “Is there a manager I can speak to?”

Me: “No manager on the premises, just me. Sorry.”

Woman #2: “Well, can we just transfer the money to your account and have you figure it out?”

Me: “NO!”

They then tried to convince me to download one of the apps on my phone so that they could pay me for the room and I could figure out how to pay the resort, but I wasn’t having it. I don’t understand how people travel without carrying regular forms of payment. Am I just behind the times?

I work in a little section of a resort gift shop. We have our own cash registers and our own section of things people can buy that’s sort of separate from the rest of the gift shop

I am working the cash register like usual, and our little section is completely empty. This mother comes in with her baby who is wearing a shirt and nothing else — no diaper or pants, just bare butt. She walks right up to the counter, I greet her politely, and she decides to set her child on the counter. We don’t let customers set their kids on the counter at all, let alone bare-a**ed.

Me: “Ma’am, you can’t sit your child on the counter.”

She promptly snatches up her child.

Woman: “IT’S NOT LIKE HE’S HURTING IT!”

And she stormed out of the gift shop while I was standing there, blinking in surprise at how she went from zero to one hundred in the blink of an eye.

And yes, I did thoroughly disinfect the counter after she left.