You Drive Me Crazy, Part 2

| Southern Utah, USA | Uncategorized

(I work on a resort where we rent golf carts out to our guests. I rent a cart out to a guest and her sons. She gets into the cart and I begin explaining how to use it.)

Me: “This is the gas pedal, here. If you push this knob all the way to the left, it will go into drive.”

Guest: “Okay. Like this?”

(She then proceeds to hit the gas pedal and drives up over the curb while screaming.)

Guest’s son: “I think we’ll walk.”

Related:
You Drive Me Crazy

Voodoo Or Do Not, There Is No Jedi

| Orlando, FL, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging, Uncategorized

(I’m the resort coordinator and often deal with claims from guests who have had an incident.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [resort]. How may I help you today?”

Guest: *already irate* “You can help me by filing a claim for me! I slipped and fell on your property during my vacation and I deserve compensation.”

Me: “I’m so very sorry that happened to you. Can you please provide me with your name and the dates of your stay so I can pull the incident report?”

(She gives me the information.)

Me: “It seems that your stay with us occurred in 2007, almost three years ago. The report says you didn’t want to file a claim at the time. May I ask why you’re just now contacting us?”

Guest: “You should know! You’re the one that hired that voodoo man!”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Guest: “The security guard! The security guard who helped me up! He wiped my memory and his spell just wore off!”

Me: “He wiped your memory?”

Guest: “That’s what I just said, you idiot! Wiped it clean so I wouldn’t sue you people!”

Me: “He wiped your memory? Like a Jedi?”

Guest: “Yes! A Jedi! Now you understand why I have to deal with this now! That voodoo man is evil!”

Why Guidance Counselors Shouldn’t Drink

| Maine, USA | Uncategorized

(I am running a bocce ball tournament, and this guest starts talking to me while I am trying to watch the game and keep score.)

Guest: “You make a lot of money?”

Me: “I make enough.”

Guest: “You know, strippers make a lot of money. I heard of one who makes a thousand dollars a night.”

Me: “Wow.”

Guest: “How old are you?”

Me: “18.”

Guest: “Yeah, you should start now, before s*** starts to sag.”

Me: “…thanks for the advice.”

Guest: “No problem.”