The Tail End Of Repairs

| Working | January 31, 2017

(I just got my car repaired after getting rear-ended, and after getting home I notice that the rear windshield-wiper is installed upside down, so instead of swinging up over the windshield it swings down over the license plate. I take it back to the shop.)

Repairman: “Sorry about that error, but fortunately I can fix it in two shakes of… well, of the car’s tail.”

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I Am He As You Are He As You Are Me And We Are All Together

| Right | December 2, 2015

(I work in a shoe repair shop, not far from our watch repair shop.)

Customer: “Excuse, are you the same as him?”

Me: “I don’t understand the question. Are you asking if I am him?”

Customer: “Yes. Are you him?”

Me: “You’re asking me if I am that person over there?”

Customer: “Yes, are you him?”

Me: “No, I am not him. I am me.”

(The customer walked away looking sad.)

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The Battery Isn’t The Only Thing Dying

| Working | February 22, 2015

(The battery in my phone has been draining rather quickly, and I suspect the battery needs to be changed. As my phone uses an internal battery, I cannot simply go out and get a new one; rather, I have to send it to a service centre and allow them to open up the phone. There is only one service centre which supposedly provides this service, and the location is very inconvenient for me. Therefore, I call up their centre to ask for certain details before having to make the long trip there.)

Me: “Hi, I am calling to ask if your centre is able to change the battery for my [Phone model]?”

Receptionist: “What is your service number?”

Me: “Huh?”

Receptionist: “Service number. What is your number?”

Me: “I don’t have a number; I am calling to inquire about your service.”

Receptionist: “Oh, what do you want?”

Me: “Do you provide service for changing the battery of [Phone model]?”

Receptionist: “Go out and buy one.”

Me: “I can’t. It’s an internal battery. That’s why I’m calling.”

Receptionist: “Send your phone in. We don’t know what’s your problem.”

Me: “I’m trying to tell you. I just want to change my battery.”

Receptionist: “No. You have to send it in. We don’t know what’s your problem.”

Me: “Look. There is no problem. I just want to know if you provide the service. If you don’t, then I will be making a wasted trip there. And I might be without a phone for a few days so I need to prepare a backup.”

Receptionist: “Then I cannot help you.”

Me: “You can’t even give me a quotation for the services you provide?”

Receptionist: “No, because we don’t know what’s the problem.”

Me: *speaking slowly and clearly in my last attempt to make her understand* “Okay, the problem is the battery. I need to change it. So, how much would that be?”

Receptionist: “We need to check your phone first. No quotations. Send your phone in.”

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Very Bad Reception, Part 12

, , , | Working | January 4, 2015

(Our dishwasher is having issues, so we call our landlord to have it looked at. The repair place calls my husband’s cell phone instead of mine. He can’t answer at work and I have to call back the next day. As usual, my call back means dealing with their ridiculous receptionist.)

Repair Place: “Hello, this [Business]. [Name] speaking.”

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name] from [Address] calling to schedule a time to have my dishwasher looked at.”

Repair Place: “How does Thursday look?”

Me: “Thursday is fine as long as it’s before 3:45.”

Repair Place: *indignantly* “What?! That’s far too late! We do deliveries in the afternoon!”

Me: “That would work out fine because I can’t be here late in the afternoon.”

Repair Place: “Is it that you both work? Is that the problem?”

Me: *I am so confused* “No, I’m a stay-at-home mom but I have an appointment at 4 pm so they have to be here earlier in the day. I have to leave the house by 3:45.”

Repair Place: “Okay, so they’ll come out Thursday morning. We call before we show up so you’ll have to answer the phone. We won’t come if you don’t answer the phone. You have to answer the phone this time! If we leave a message we won’t come out.”

Me: “Then you need to take down my phone number because you’ll need to call me on Thursday. You called my husband yesterday and he’s in Anchorage right now.”

Repair Place: *sounding hysterical* “What do you mean you’re in Anchorage?! You can’t call and schedule an appointment when you won’t even be there! You have to be there. Why are you even calling if you’re in Anchorage?!”

Me: “I’m not in Anchorage; my husband is. That’s why you need MY phone number.”

Repair Place: “You’re in Anchorage? How are we going to look at your dishwasher?!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m NOT in Anchorage. I will be here on Thursday. But you need my phone number.”

Repair Place: “We have it. It’s the [area code] number.”

Me: “No, you don’t have it. You have my husband’s number. Mine is [my number].”

Repair Place: *sounding confused* “That’s a different number than what we have.”

Me: “Yes, so you’ll need to take my number and make sure they call ME on Thursday because the other number won’t be answered.”

Repair Place: “You really should just have a landline and one number.”

(She finally took down my number but who knows if they’ll call me or my husband on Thursday. What’s worse is that every… single… time… we deal with them, that’s how it goes. Their receptionist really is an airhead!)

 

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Beat The Clock

| Right | July 29, 2014

(I work as a clockmaker. I phone a customer while standing at their front door after no response to the door bell:)

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name]. I’m here for your service call.”

Customer: “Well, I’m not home. I waited until 4:15 and you never showed up, so I left.”

Me: “You waited until 4:15 today?”

Customer: “Yes. You were supposed to be here at 3 and I waited until 4:15.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but your appointment was set for between 3 and 5, not at 3. Also, it’s only just now 3:20.”

Customer: “What do you mean 3:20?”

Me: “The time. It is currently only 3:20 pm.”

Customer: “When I looked at the clock it said 4:15!”

Me: “By chance, would that be the clock I was coming to fix?”

Customer: “… Yes.”

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