A man hands over a wristwatch for a battery replacement. I slide it onto the little mat, open the back, and confirm the battery size.

Customer: “Make it fast. I don’t like leaving it out of my sight.”

Me: “No problem. This should take just a couple of minutes.”

I pop the old battery out, replace it, and reset the hands.

Customer: “Careful with the back. One scratch and it loses its value.”

Me: “I’ll close it gently.”

Customer: “Good. If I see even one mark, I’m telling everyone online that you ruined it.”

I hand it back with the lens polished, band wiped, and hands ticking smoothly.

Me: “Please do. I’ll be happy to explain how you’re doing that over a $5 battery going into a fake Rolex.” 

Customer: “My Rolex is not a fake!”

Me: “Real Rolexes don’t have batteries.”

The look on his face…

I worked in a shoe repair store that was part of a much larger shoe store back in the 90s. I’m tucked way in the back, in the basement, but I can also work sales and sell new shoes. I’m behind the counter when a customer walks in holding a very worn-out pair of loafers.

Customer: “Hi, I was wondering if these can be, well, brought back to life.”

I examine the shoes.

Me: “Well… the soles are separating, the stitching’s blown out, and the heel’s worn down to the metal. How long have you had them?”

Customer: “About ten years. I walk a lot.”

Me: “They’ve definitely seen some miles.”

Customer: “Be honest, is this fixable?”

Me: “Have you ever read Frankenstein?”

Customer: *Excited.* “I saw the movie! Oh…” *Getting it.* “Oh… wait… oh no.”

Me: “Yeah…”

I helped him pick out a new and hardy pair of shoes ideal for his active walking lifestyle.

Me: “If you want two pairs, we’re doing buy-one-get-one-half-price on this particular brand at the moment.”

Customer: “Could I get one for my wife?”

Me: “Yes! This style comes in women’s sizing, too.”

Customer: “Cool! I’ll get one for her, too!”

His eyes light up.

Customer: “I’ll call them Bride of Frankenstein!”

I gave him a little extra discount for that.

I work in a shop that sells and repairs computers and phones. Since we are an IT business, it’s pretty rare that we ever get tech support scam phone calls. But one quiet afternoon, an unfortunate scammer tries to call our shop. The business owner takes the phone call, and since it’s a slow afternoon, he decides to put it on speakerphone, pretend to be an old person who doesn’t use the Internet, and have some fun with it.

Scammer: “We are calling from [Large Internet Provider] to let you know that there is a problem with your IP address.”

Manager: “Oh, sorry, what address did I pee at?”

Scammer: “Your IP address is [long string of numbers], and this is a public address, not a private address.”

Manager: “I’m sorry, I don’t know what you mean. I don’t think any street here has that address, and I definitely didn’t pee anywhere in public. I only ever do that in private.”

Scammer: “No, no, no, sir. I don’t mean that kind of pee. IP means your Internet Protocol address. Everybody can see your address.”

Manager: “Well, I’m sure they can. If you drive past my street, our address is easily visible.”

Scammer: “No, not that address! Your Internet Protocol. It has been compromised, and now everyone can see it! This is a risk to your online security!”

Manager: “Oh, okay. That doesn’t sound good. What should I do?”

Scammer: “Can you please open your web browser on your phone?”

Manager: “How do I do that?”

Scammer: “Okay, what brand is your phone? Is it an Apple or an Android?”

Manager: “Um, I don’t know. I think it’s a Nokia. There are lots of buttons on it, but none of them say ‘web browser’.”

Scammer: “Okay, I see. Do you have a computer or a tablet, then?”

Manager: “Yes, I have a tablet at dinner time.”

Scammer: “What kind of tablet is it? Is it an Apple iPad or an Android?”

Manager: “Um, it’s a Panadol tablet.”

Scammer: “Sorry, I’m not familiar with that brand. Is it some kind of Android tablet?”

Manager: “I don’t think so. I just take it as I get headaches a lot.”

Scammer: “Oh, okay. Then what device do you use to get on the Internet?”

Manager: “I don’t know. I don’t use the Internet.”

Scammer: “But how do you pay for your [Internet Provider] bill? Wouldn’t you do that on the Internet?”

Manager: “But didn’t you say you are from [Internet Provider]? Don’t you know how I pay my bill?”

Scammer: “Um… I’m not from their billing department, so I can’t see that.”

Manager: “Okay. I just mail them a cheque.”

Scammer: *Hangs up*

Between the I-Pee address and the Panadol tablet, I was in stitches after that. It was the most entertaining thing that happened on that quiet afternoon.

I am fifteen years old, and I earn a little bit of money for myself by repairing bikes near a local mountain biking spot. I mostly help little kids who have problems with their bikes for free because they can’t do it better. I know a lot about bikes and have the proper tools to repair them, but I always tell people when I don’t think I can fix their bikes, and I tell them they need to get to a bike shop.

One day, a guy sent me a private message on social media, asking if I could help him with “a little bend in his wheel”. I said sure and asked for some pictures and more information about the bike.

When he sent me the pictures, I was shocked; the rear wheel of the bike was completely destroyed.

Me: “Sorry, I can’t fix that. You should visit a bike shop.”

Guy: “I ordered a new wheel. You have to put it on for me!”

So, I asked again for more information about the wheel. He had ordered a twenty-six-inch wheel. The bike was a Size M twenty-nine-inch bike, so no way was it going to fit. I guess the wheel he’d ordered was for a kids’ road bike; the bike he had was an adult mountain bike.

When I said that it wasn’t going to fit, he got angry.

Guy: “But I already paid for the wheel! You have to put it on for free now!”

I said nothing and blocked him.

I work in a phone repair place. A customer brings his phone in for us to fix and we make the ticket, have him sign, etc.

Me: “Okay, that’ll be about two hours.”

We put it on the tech counter, and I start to help who’s next.

Customer: “Oh, can I borrow it back for a second? I need to check a message.”

Me: “Sure. Grab it.”

He takes it, does what he needs, comes back to shake our hand, and leaves. The problem is… he takes the phone with him. We don’t notice it until he’s gone, so we can’t do anything. 

He comes back two hours later, phone in hand.

Customer: “How’d it go?”

Me: “You took the phone.”

Customer: “Oh yeah, man, my bad.”

Me: “Haha, no problem. Did you want to leave it this time?”

Customer: “Wait it’s not done yet?”

Me: “Y…you took the phone.”

Customer: “So I’ve waited two hours, and you haven’t done a f****** thing yet?! Now I have to wait two more?!”

Me: “How can we fix something you had with you?”

Customer: “Unbelievable!” *Storms out.*