I Am He As You Are He As You Are Me And We Are All Together

| SA, Australia | Bizarre

(I work in a shoe repair shop, not far from our watch repair shop.)

Customer: “Excuse, are you the same as him?”

Me: “I don’t understand the question. Are you asking if I am him?”

Customer: “Yes. Are you him?”

Me: “You’re asking me if I am that person over there?”

Customer: “Yes, are you him?”

Me: “No, I am not him. I am me.”

(The customer walked away looking sad.)

Beat The Clock

| OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Time, Top

(I work as a clockmaker. I phone a customer while standing at their front door after no response to the door bell:)

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name]. I’m here for your service call.”

Customer: “Well, I’m not home. I waited until 4:15 and you never showed up, so I left.”

Me: “You waited until 4:15 today?”

Customer: “Yes. You were supposed to be here at 3 and I waited until 4:15.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but your appointment was set for between 3 and 5, not at 3. Also, it’s only just now 3:20.”

Customer: “What do you mean 3:20?”

Me: “The time. It is currently only 3:20 pm.”

Customer: “When I looked at the clock it said 4:15!”

Me: “By chance, would that be the clock I was coming to fix?”

Customer: “… Yes.”

1 Thumbs

Not Getting The Message

| ON, Canada | Extra Stupid

(We are a small store that repairs watches. Upon the completion of a repair job, we call the customer to alert them that there product is ready.)

Customer: “I am here to pick up my watch.”

Me: “Okay, sure! Did you receive a call that it was ready?”

(Asking this allows me a better idea of where to look for the bag, in the completed drawer, in progress drawer, or intake drawer.)

Customer: “No! I had to call you and ask if it was ready. That is outrageous!”

(I am confused, because the job has three notes of us calling her, but no one answered.)

Me: “That’s strange. It says here that we did call you, but there was no answer. Perhaps your answering machine was broken? Or maybe we misread your number?”

Customer: “No, that is my number, and I don’t have an answering machine! You should have left me a message, at least! You have terrible customer service!”

Me: “You expected us to leave a message for you even though there was no person nor machine there to hear or record it?”

Customer: “Yes!”

You Can’t Fix Stupid

| Alberta, Canada | Extra Stupid

(I am calling back a customer who had a 6-year-old TV with a cracked screen. Unfortunately, due to its age, we can no longer get parts for it.)

Me: “Hello, we’d like to let you know that unfortunately we are unable to repair your product. The parts are discontinued.”

Customer: “So, you can’t fix it?”

Me: “Correct.”

Customer: “So you can fix it?”

Me: “No, the parts are unavailable.”

Customer: “Can you order them?”

Me: “No, the parts are discontinued.”

Customer: “You can order them somewhere else, yes?”

Me: “No, we cannot fix this unit at all.”

Customer: “Does [brand name] carry the part?”

Me: “No, they don’t.”

Customer: “Okay, so you can get it fixed, right? Test it again?”

Me: “No, we cannot fix it.”

Customer: “So it can’t be fixed?”

Me: “It cannot be fixed, ever, unfortunately.”

Customer: “Okay, I’ll call you back when it’s done!” *click*

Should We Send In The Marines Too?

| Uncategorized

(We had sent this lady’s watch to another company, and they ended up taking a very long time with it. Two weeks before this incident she called demanding that we call them and have them send her watch back whether it was fixed or not. My manager told her that it would only take two more days, but she insisted. This happened when she came to pick it up.)

Assistant Manager: “Okay, here’s your watch, I’m sorry about that.”

Customer: “It’s not fixed!”

Assistant Manager: “Yes, you told us to call them and have them send it back whether it was fixed or not. They were almost done making a new dial for it.”


Assistant Manager: “I’m sorry, ma’am that’s all I can do.”

Customer begins to walk off, still ranting: “I’M CALLING MY LAWYER.”

(She rounds the corner and then in one last salvo comes back.)

Customer: “I AM CALLING THE NEWS!!!”