They’re Not Going Far In Life

, , , , , | Right | September 12, 2018

(We not only rent equipment, but sell bulk material — topsoil, sand, and gravels, etc. We load customers’ vehicles, but cannot tie down loads or do maintenance on their vehicles for liability reasons. A customer has just had a large, top-heavy piece of equipment loaded into the bed of a pickup.)

Me: “Okay, you’re good to go as soon as you tie that down.”

Customer #1: “Oh, I don’t have anything to tie it with. Do you have any ropes?”

Me: “No, unfortunately, we don’t do that anymore as they were never returned. All we have is twine, and you’re welcome to that.”

Customer #1: “It’s okay; I’m not going far.”

(Later, another customer has just had half a yard of gravel loaded into a utility trailer that looks like it hasn’t been on the road since the 1950s. The threadbare tires are so flat that the trailer is practically riding on the rims.)

Me: “Ooh, that doesn’t look good. If you can pull around to our service bay, we have an air hose so you can top the tires up.”

Customer #2: “It’s okay; I’m not going far.”

(Later, yet another customer has rented a 40-foot extension ladder — 20 feet long and quite heavy. He has us put it on top of an old compact car with no roof rack. We give him some cardboard to protect what’s left of his paint.)

Me: “Okay, you’re good to go as soon as you tie it down.”

Customer #2: “I don’t have any rope. Can’t you do that?”

Me: “Unfortunately, we can’t; you have to do that.”

Customer #2: “Well, what do I do?”

Me: “Well, we can give you as much twine as you need, but you have to tie it down yourself.”

(The customer takes about half an hour and half a mile of twine to strap down a ladder that’s far longer than his car. Finally, he’s done.)

Me: “Are you sure that’s going to hold it?”

Customer #2: “Sure. Besides, I’m not going far.”

(The customer was traveling to another town about 30 kilometers away. Sadly, just about everyone who failed to understand their responsibility to safely transport goods or equipment had the same answer: “I’m not going far.” We had a running joke that there must be a vast, subterranean city beneath us, as nobody seemed to ever go “far,” and feared for those who had to share the road with these stunned weekend warriors.)

No, We Just Need A Note From Your Mother

, , , | Right | August 16, 2018

Me: “Thank you for calling [Car Rental]. This is [My Name]. Where would you like to pick up?”

Customer: “Do you need a driver’s license in order to rent a car?”

Me: “Yes, you need to have a current valid driver’s license.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: *facepalm*

You Have Failed This Neighborhood

, , , , | Friendly | July 2, 2018

We rent out houses and, like everywhere in the world, we get complaints about neighbours. Most are about noise, damages, or antisocial behaviour, but this is one of the crazier examples.

[Client #1] sends three separate emails about how his neighbour [Client #2] stalks him, is evil and antisocial, and should be kicked out. Most is in caps, with no punctuation, and it’s just tiring to read.

[Client #2] sends one short email, with normal punctuation and use of words. He suspects [Client #1] has a crossbow, because he suddenly found an arrow stuck in his door. Picture included.

I’m so glad I do not have to deal with this feud.

Pennsylvania Doesn’t Want Him

, , , , | Right | July 2, 2018

(I work at a large car rental company. Part of our duty is to pick up customers from body shops when their personal vehicles are in for repairs due to car accidents, etc. About a half hour before closing time, I go to pick up this ray of sunshine. He is a pretentious, middle-aged man who has just dropped off his Porsche for repairs. I greet him as usual, and the entire conversation that follows is nothing less than unbearable.)

Customer: *overly dramatic* “GOD! This is just terrible. I can’t believe this is happening to me, all because some idiot rear-ended me. I mean, the weather is getting colder and now, I won’t even have another chance to cruise around with my top down before the season is over. Ugh!”

Me: “Yes, sir, that is unfortunate. Talk about bad timing!”

Customer: “Ugh, like you would understand.”

Me: “Okay…”

(We arrive back at the rental office. I go through the usual spiel: will anyone else be driving, etc. I get to the part where I need to ask if he will be traveling out of the state at all. Our location is no more than 20 minutes from the Pennsylvania border, so it’s common for many customers to not even think to mention if they’re going over the state line, as many people work or travel there on a regular basis. This particular guy isn’t so casual or understanding about it.)

Me: “And will you be traveling out of state at all, sir?”

Customer: “No, of course not!”

Me: “All right, we just need to check with everyone. So, no out of state traveling, not even over the bridge to Pennsylvania, or anything?”

Customer: “Well, I’m going to go over to Pennsylvania to meet my friend for lunch on Sunday, just like I always do, GAH!” *like I’m the idiot*

Me: “Very well, sir.”

Customer: “How much slower could this be?! I mean, really, I’m already so inconvenienced; I mean, come on!

(I put him in a minivan, just out of spite. He was less than thrilled. I was laughing inside.)

Like Music To My Fears

, , , , | Right | June 15, 2018

(I work for a moving truck rental company. One Sunday morning, a customer who looks to be in her mid-30s walks in with pop music playing quite loudly from her phone’s speaker. She sets the phone on the counter, music still playing, before talking to me.)

Customer: “Can I get a truck?”

Me: *having heard her perfectly well* “I’m sorry; I couldn’t hear you over your music.”

Customer: *not getting the hint and just raising the volume of her voice* “I WANT A TRUCK.”

(The transaction continues as normal until the song ends and another one starts playing.)

Customer: *still yelling* I don’t even like this song!

(I stand there for a minute, expecting her to maybe turn it off or at least change the song, but she doesn’t do anything, so I continue with the transaction. I finally get to the payment portion.)

Me: “Will you be paying cash or card today?”

Customer: “What do you mean, today? I’ll pay when I come back. That’s how I always do it.”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s company policy to take money up front. We’re not able to just give trucks out on good faith and hope they’ll come back paid for!” *slight chuckle*

Customer: *still completely serious* “I want to pay cash, but I want to pay when I get back.”

Me: “We can’t do that, ma’am.”

Customer: “Fine, put it on my credit card!”

(Thankfully, the card goes through and I’m able to finish the transaction and get the customer out the door and into her truck. When I get back inside, my coworker, who was listening the entire time, starts laughing.)

Coworker: “Why didn’t you just ask her to turn her music off?”

Me: “Do you really think she would have listened?”

Coworker: *pauses for a second* “Not a chance, no.”

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