(I am five or six years old and attending Sunday school. We are outside after a brief rain, being supervised by a husband and wife.)

Male Supervisor: *pointing at a rainbow in the distance* “So, kids, does anyone know what a rainbow is?”

(I excitedly raise my hand to answer, as I have just learned this from a science-themed kids show.)

Me: “A rainbow is caused by extra water in the air from the rain that makes a prism which refracts the sunlight!”

(The husband and wife make disgusted faces and share a look, before turning back to me.)

Male Supervisor: “No, a rainbow is God’s promise to never flood the earth again.”

Me: “Oh…”

(It wouldn’t have been so bad, except they decided to punish me, as well. I was made to stand in the corner for fifteen minutes for “spreading wrong thoughts.” I consider this my first push towards atheism.)

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(My cousin works at a Christian bookstore in the southern United States. There are certain members of the Christian faith who believe that the only “true” word of God is the King James Version of the Bible, and that all later translations are faulty or evil. My cousin relays this story of such a woman to me.)

Customer: “I’d like to return these five [other version] Bibles I bought.” 

Cousin: “All right, ma’am, and what is the reason for your return today?” 

Customer: “Weeeeellllllll… There just wasn’t enough King James in them!”

(My cousin said the best part of the whole thing was watching her manager laugh hysterically when she told him the reason for the return.)

(I attend a weekly Bible study class at my church. My fiancé isn’t always able to attend as he works various shifts but he is starting a job with regular hours soon.)

Leader: “It’s great that [Fiancé] will be able to come more often with his new job.”

Me: “Yeah, it will be. Fingers crossed! And everything else crossed, too!”

(The next meeting we both attend, and at the end, the leader takes my fiancé aside and they chat for about ten minutes. I assume it’s just a chat welcoming him and seeing if he needs anything. As we leave the church and walk towards the car, my fiancé looks really confused.)

Me: “What did [Leader] say to you?”

Fiancé: “He was asking me about my new job. He wanted to know if it was anything to do with spirits or the occult.”

Me: “What?! Why would he say that?”

Fiancé: “He said that you mentioned a ritual last week that was about crossing bones or something to make sure my job would be okay.”

(When I asked the leader about it, he said that “crossing” things had to do with the occult and I should have said, “God willing,” instead.)

(My store usually only has one or two cashiers at night because we have several self-checkout machines and if it gets too busy, someone from the departments comes up to ring. I am busy trying to clean up my department when a call for an additional cashier comes across the radio. I answer it and head up to the registers where I see one customer checking out with a few items and two elderly people behind them. Even though an additional isn’t really necessary, I sign on anyway, and the two elderly people come to my lane.)

Me: “Hi. Did you find everything you were looking for?”

Customer #1: “Yes, we did, thanks. We are just getting this one item. You know, back in the day, people weren’t incredibly rude and would let people with one item go ahead.”

Me: *silent*

Customer #2: “Yeah, we were praying that someone could come to help us and it looks like you answered our prayers.”

Me: “Okay… Your total is $2.”

Customer #1: “Thank you so much for helping, dear. You really were an answer to a prayer. Hopefully, next time, people will remember their manners.”

(They leave and I go to the cashier.)

Me: “Did you hear that s***?”

Cashier: “Kind of. I know they were being obnoxious. They were upset that the woman I was checking out wouldn’t let them go first, even though I had already begun scanning her items.”

Me: “And we had every single self-checkout open, too! They kept saying that they prayed for help and if I were them, I wouldn’t be wasting prayers on petty stuff like that.”

Cashier: “I could’ve helped them if they would’ve waited literally thirty seconds. Old people are the worst.”

(I work in a large call center for an international grocery store. It’s my first week, and I’ve just finished helping an old lady with her query.)

Customer: “Thank you so much, young man! I have to ask though, young man, do you believe in our Lord Jesus Christ?”

(I remember back to my training, where I was told to avoid all religious discussion.)

Me: “I don’t think that’s relevant to me helping you today, ma’am. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Customer: “Now, young man! I need to know if I was helped by a Christian or by a heathen!”

(I look over to my supervisor, who’s been listening in to the whole conversation. He gives me a thumbs up and a wink.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I am an atheist.”

Customer: “Heathen! You will burn in Hell if you do not accept the Lord as your savior! I demand to speak to your supervisor at once!“

Me: “I’ll be glad to do that for you, ma’am. Give me a moment.”

(From this point on, I can only hear my supervisor speaking…)

Supervisor: “Yes, ma’am, I hear you have a complaint about one of my employees?” *pause* “I see.” *pause* “That’s terrible.” *pause* “I apologise, ma’am, but I’m afraid I’m going to have to terminate the call. I’ve just been told it is time for our hourly sacrifice to Satan.”

(The woman’s response is loud enough for me to hear over his headset.)

Customer: “HEATHENS!” *click*