She’s A Catho-holic, Part 2

, , , , | Right | December 30, 2020

I work in a Christian bookstore. While we don’t belong to a specific church, we were founded by a Protestant affiliate so we don’t carry Catholic items. Sometimes Catholics will come in looking for rosaries, saint medallions, or the Catholic Bible. We politely tell them we don’t carry those and then inform them of the closest Catholic shop. Most are very nice about that, but this one time is different.

My coworker, a pastor, walks up to the customer and asks if she needs help.

Customer: “Yes, where are your Catholic bibles?”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we don’t carry any.”

Customer: “What? But why not?”

Coworker: “That would be determined by corporate.”

Customer: “You should carry it! The Catholics made the Bible! No one would have the Bible without the Catholics!”

She goes on for a while about how the Catholics wrote the Bible. Both my coworker and I have to stand there silently as she berates us. Eventually, our manager comes over to talk to her. My coworker disappears to the back of the store.

She leaves, unsatisfied, but there is nothing we can do. Then, my coworker comes up with a mischievous look on his face, hiding something behind his back.

Coworker: “Oh, did she leave?”

Me: “Yes.”

Coworker: “A shame. I thought she might like this.”

He held up a beautiful leather-bound edition of Martin Luther’s writings. I couldn’t help but laugh. Who knew pastors had such a devilish sense of humor?

She’s A Catho-holic

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Out Of The Mouths Of Babes

, , , , | Friendly | December 25, 2020

I am about three years old and it’s Christmas. My mom, dad, and I are at church with a bunch of other people. The pastor is giving a sermon and I put my hand up. He thinks I’m waving at him, so he waves back. I put my hand down, but then I put it back up.)

Pastor: “[My Name], do you have a question?” 

Me: “Yeah, I think we should sing ‘happy birthday’ to Jesus because today’s his birthday. “

According to my dad later, the whole congregation, especially the old people, went crazy, as they thought it was the cutest thing ever.

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A Rabbi Walks Into A Supermarket…

, , , , , , | Working | December 24, 2020

It was Christmas Eve and I was working a very long shift. We have a regular customer who happens to be a rabbi. He is an older man so I offered to help him with his shopping. We chatted as we shopped, asking about each other’s families, etc.

When we reached the end of his list I said goodbye to him and, not thinking, I added, “Merry Christmas!” As soon as the words left my mouth, I realized what I had just said and to whom I had said it.

I was about to explain that I had been saying it so many times that day that it was almost a habit when he smiled, held up his hand and said, “Don’t you dare apologize! I’ll take it in the spirit in which you meant it and wish you a Happy Hanukkah!”

God Bless the people who aren’t concerned with political correctness!

This story is part of our Feel Good roundup for December 2020!

Read the next Feel Good roundup for December 2020 story!

Read the Feel Good roundup for December 2020!

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Jesus Wants His Birthday Presents

, , , , , , | Related | December 24, 2020

I’m not a Christian. Of my friends and family, my family is the only group that is Christian. I send out a mass text to everyone, wishing them a “Happy Holidays!” Here are the responses I receive:

Brother: “Happy Holidays!”

Friends: “Happy Holidays!”

My friends’ messages usually come with a note about their day, asking after my health, etc.

Dad: “Merry Christmas! I’ll be going to your aunt’s house for dinner. What about you?”

Mom: “Merry Christmas! Should I call now or later?”

Grandfather: “Merry Christmas! For Christmas, we are celebrating Jesus’ birth. We start our Christmas by going to church to celebrate Jesus’ birth. Christmas has always been about Jesus. Later, we will have Christmas dinner as we watch Christmas movies and open Christmas presents. Have a nice Christmas. Love, Grandpa and Grandma.”

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Tis The Season For Unreason, Part 6

, , , , , , | Working | December 23, 2020

I work in a very Christian store though I am not Christian myself, and around the holiday season, all my coworkers say, “Merry Christmas,” to each customer that comes through. Of course, I’ve got no problem with that, but being that I don’t celebrate Christmas, I just say, “Happy holidays!” Usually, this is fine, and no one says anything about it. But one day, I’m bagging while a coworker rings up items. I hand the customer their bag.

Me: “You have a happy holiday!”

Customer: “Thanks. You, too!” *Leaves*

Coworker: “[My Name], why do you say, ‘Happy holidays,’ and not, ‘Merry Christmas’?”

I don’t want to start any kind of argument.

Me: “Um, well, New Years is coming up, too.”

Coworker: “Well… Christmas is first so you should say, ‘Merry Christmas.’

My coworker looks very smug and proud of himself.

Me: *Fed up* “You know, it is currently Chanukah, so shouldn’t we be telling the customers, ‘Happy Chanukah,’ then?”

He instantly looked uncomfortable and confused, and I took the opportunity to go on break.

Tis The Season For Unreason, Part 5
Tis The Season For Unreason, Part 4
Tis The Season For Unreason, Part 3

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