I work retail in a grocery store. My state was a hotbed for white supremacists just a few decades ago, and the whole country is experiencing a resurgence, so when people display racist behavior, we try to come down hard and fast for everyone’s safety.

One morning, I’m working when I see a customer come through the door, wearing something that catches my eye. I love seeing customers’ weird outfits, but as soon as I turn to look, I freeze. The customer is wearing a white robe, exactly the kind of thing I saw photos of in history classes as a child, but those were paired with white hoods.

I speed towards him, mentally freaking out and hoping to prevent him from even SEEING any of my non-White coworkers, because if he’s wearing that robe in public AND showing his face, he has no fear and is probably dangerous, and I would never forgive myself if he hurt someone and I didn’t try to stop him. I stand in front of him so he can’t get further into the store and keep my voice down, so I don’t scare anyone nearby.

Me: *Panicked, but still in customer service mode.* “Sir, PLEASE tell me you are not wearing what I think you’re wearing.”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “PLEASE tell me you are NOT wearing a KKK robe!”

The customer goes from confused to alarmed in the space of half a second.

Customer: “Oh, no! No, no, no! I’m a friar! I work for the Church! These are just my clergy robes!”

Me: “…Oh! Oh, thank goodness. I saw the white robe and just about had a heart attack.”

I have never gone from calm to panicked back to calm so quickly. And yes, I did apologize to the friar before I went back to my station to stew in embarrassment. But please, dude, if you’re going to wear the robe in public, at least keep one or two of the other vestments so we know you’re not dangerous!

I rent a basement room in a large home shared with many others. There is one other woman who rents a room in the basement, who loves her TV a bit too much. She has the same televangelist on non-stop, and I mean that quite literally. She’s gone four days straight without turning the TV off or changing the channel on more than one occasion.

The reason I know that it’s a televangelist she is listening to is that the walls between our room are paper-thin, and she keeps the volume up so high that I can hear it so clearly it may as well be playing on my TV.

I’ve talked to her about this many times. She says she will keep the volume lower or start using a sleep timer at night, but she only keeps to her promise for one or two days before she reverts to her previous behavior.

I’ve downloaded a white noise app on my phone and have to keep it running at maximum volume to drown out her tv to have any chance of doing anything in my room, but even with the white noise, I can hear the TV; it’s just somewhat easier to ignore it.

That was until one day when she decided her TV wasn’t loud enough, and turned her volume up even more! Now, even at max volume, my phone could not drown out the TV. I could hear every word coming through loud and clear despite my best efforts.

I attempted to go to bed at 11:30 PM, hearing a televangelist telling me to repent my sins. At 12:00 AM, I’m still awake, being told I should turn the other cheek. By 12:30 AM, I’m told God has plans for me, plans that evidently involve me never getting to sleep again. By 1 AM, I have still not had a wink of sleep and am wondering if the Lord’s forgiveness would extend to my violating that whole ‘thou shalt not kill’ commandment just this once.

So, I headed over to the circuit breaker and flicked the switch to [Roommate]’s room off and back on, figuring that we tripped circuits often enough in the very old and poorly wired house that no one would be able to prove I’d done it intentionally. Then I finally went to bed to the delicious sound of silence.

I spoke with my roommate about the volume of her TV the next day, and it went down to her usual volume at least. But that one night of sleeping in silence was so glorious, I couldn’t help but try the trick again a few nights later. And then a few nights after that.

At this point, my bedtime routine involves padding over to the circuit breaker in my socks as I brush my teeth so I can hit that wonderful magic switch to turn off God’s words for the night. I’ve been doing this for months now, and [Roommate] still hasn’t commented on it. I’m not sure if she has even realized it’s happening. I only wish I could justify doing it when she was awake and would notice.

I work in a diner, one of the few in our relatively rural town. The waitstaff are encouraged to personalise their uniforms with pins/stickers, as long as they’re not offensive or political. I see the new hire serving one of our crotchety old regulars.

Regular: “What’s that you got on your collar?!”

New Hire: “That’s Nyan Cat! It’s an old meme, basically he’s a cat who—”

Regular: “—I don’t wanna see that gay s***!”

New Hire: “…gay?”

Nyan Cat is basically a cat with a pop-tart body, flying through space, leaving a rainbow trail. I’m guessing it’s the rainbow that our regular is offended by. I’m about to point this out when the diner owner swoops in.

Owner: “Come on [Regular’s Name]. It’s just a cartoon cat.”

Regular: “And it’s trying to be cute while portraying immoral values, and I will not—”

Owner: “—Matthew 5:32.”

Regular: *Closes mouth, but glares at [Owner].*

Owner: “I trust that’s settled. Enjoy your meal.”

Later:

New Hire: “What was that about?”

Me: “[Owner] and [Regular] know each other. This isn’t a huge town. [Regular] divorced her husband and remarried another guy, who had divorced his wife. They were both cheating to be with each other, apparently.”

New Hire: “Okay… but the bible verse?”

Me: “Matthew 5:32. But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”

New Hire: “Figured it was something like that.”

Me: “[Owner] always pulls that out when [Regular] goes off on the gays. If I were [Regular] I’d stop coming here, but hey, it’s a small town, and we’re the only decent diner, so…” *Shrugs.* “Anyhoo, next time she starts to claim the moral high ground, just say ‘Matthew 5:32,’ and that’ll shut her up.”

New Hire nodded, but never got the chance to take my advice as [Regular] snapped at [Owner] a month later and was finally banned for good!

A couple are checking in with me at the airport.

Guy: *Handing me their passports.* “Yeah, we’re going to Bali.”

Me: “Oh, how nice!”

The guy then looks up and down the check-in area and leans in to whisper.

Guy: “Yeah, Sydney is getting waaaay too Muslim lately, so we needed a break from it, know what I mean?”

Me: “…riiiight.”

Guy: “We noticed you were the only Australian doing check-ins today, so we let some people go ahead of us so that we could get checked in by you.”

Me: “Well, all of my colleagues are more than capable of—”

Guy: “—yeah, yeah, DEI and all that. You know what we mean.”

I thought being anti-DEI was an American thing, but oh well…

Me: “Anyway, here are your boarding passes. Please enjoy your flight to Bali, Indonesia, the country with the largest Muslim population in the world!”

Guy: “The what?!”

I’m knowledgeable enough that I know Bali is the only Indonesian province that’s more Hindu than Muslim, but I also know that most racists are stupid by default, so I wasn’t expecting him to know that.

I’m a customer in a retail store. I’m signing up for the store’s membership card, so I’m at the customer service desk long enough to overhear another customer service rep on the phone to another customer.

Customer Service Rep: “No, ma’am, the whistling sound is normal; nothing to be worried about.”

Pause.

Customer Service Rep: “I suppose it could sound like a crying child, but that sounds like an opinion more than anything else.”

Pause.

Customer Service Rep: “I mean, if you’re getting a priest involved anyway, you could try holy water?”

Pause.

Customer Service Rep: “Yes, yes, I suppose it’s for the best. Bring it in, and we’ll get you a new one.”

He hangs up, and I feel compelled to ask:

Me: “I’m sorry, I know it’s none of my business, but what was that about?”

Customer Service Rep: “A customer was convinced that the kettle she got from us was haunted by the spirit of a dead child, even though to me it was just the sound of the water boiling and whistling through the spout. She bought an old novelty kettle that was supposed to whistle! It’s like its thing!”

Me: “And the holy water?”

Customer Service Rep: “Oh, you heard that part? Huh, well, she said she was already consulting her priest, but wanted to know our return policy. I said maybe the priest could fill it with holy water, but she didn’t like that because she was scared turning it on would “boil away all the Jesus,” so I said that’s fair, best bring it in for a return.”

Me: “Wow, the stuff you guys have to deal with.”

Customer Service Rep: “At least she was polite. Plus, it’s gonna be hilarious when I fill out the return form and get to the ‘reason for return’ part.”