I work in a home improvement store, stationed in the lumber department. A man comes in and I greet him. 

Me: “Are you looking for anything in particular?”

Customer: “Jesus. But I don’t think I’ll find him here.”

I barely even think before I open my mouth.

Me: “Well, you might. He was a carpenter, after all.”

The man chuckles and continues on his way. Then, he abruptly freezes, turning around to stare at me. 

Customer: *Bursting out laughing* “He was, wasn’t he?!”

He continued to laugh as he wandered further into the store, and I got a little giggle to myself for setting him off with such little effort.

I’m finishing my shopping at the mall when I suddenly hear live music. This mall doesn’t have live music, so I look up. I see a man entering the building, singing mostly unclear words, except:

Man: “I believe! I believe! I believe in Jesus!”

My town is not very religious but very open, so people stare, shrug, and move on. The man crosses the mall, and since I have to go the same way, I walk behind him. I can’t make out any more lyrics than the one above. 

Suddenly, people join him! They seem to know the other vague lyrics and they wave their hands.

People: “I believe in Jesus, the Lord is my savior, I believe, I believe!”

Okay, so more people want to praise the Lord. And then, even more people join him! It feels like a flash mob… and I’m in the middle of a dancing, arm-waving, chanting crowd.

I feel very uncomfortable and look for a way to get out of this crowd, but nope: all exits closed. Everyone seems to be ignoring me, some even waving with their eyes closed. 

The chanting keeps repeating itself; no new songs are started. Finally, the crowd reaches the end of the mall and I see a small opening. I all but jump away from the crowd and hurry to the side. 

The crowd keeps on dancing and singing while entering a neighborhood with homes, no church near.

I’m almost forty, and this is the first time I’ve seen something like this. I don’t mind religion, but being stuck in a praising, dancing crowd felt quite uncomfortable for an atheist like me.

I work in a big department store. I’m working in our apparel department, stocking bras. A customer comes to me and hands me one of those “Have you heard the good news?” cards. You know the kind. I politely decline, but she persists.

Me: “Ma’am, according to store policy, I cannot accept literally anything from customers. No, thank you.”

Eventually, she gets angry that I won’t accept her card.

Woman: “You’re just a pervert, playing with women’s clothes!”

And she threw the card at me and left.

My manager came later to let me know that this was not her first appearance in the store.

I’m in college on summer break. I’ve been experiencing occasional stomach pain and cramps for no known reason. I also have thyroid disease, and my doctor has recently changed my meds.

This all comes to a head one Sunday at church with my mom. I’m already not feeling great because of my new thyroid meds, and during the sermon, my stomach starts cramping again. My mom helps me out to the lobby and asks if I can walk to the car. I can’t, so she sits me on a bench and goes to pull the car around.

An acquaintance has followed us out.

Acquaintance: “Are you okay?”

I open my mouth to respond, but another cramp hits me, so all that comes out is a groan.

Acquaintance: “Guess that’s a no. Did you eat something bad?”

Me: “No idea. I already wasn’t feeling well because of my new thyroid medicine, and now this.”

Acquaintance: “You know, being on those pills shows a lack of faith.”

Me: “Excuse me?!”

Acquaintance: “You should stop your medicine. Have faith that you’ll be healed.”

Me: “I’m not stopping my medicine.”

Acquaintance: “Then you don’t have faith.”

I open my mouth to respond, but I hear the senior pastor’s wife’s voice behind me.

Pastor’s Wife: “I’m on thyroid medicine, too. Does that mean I don’t have faith, [Acquaintance]?”

Acquaintance: “Um…”

Pastor’s Wife: “I’d go back to the service if I were you.”

The acquaintance bolts back into the sanctuary. The senior pastor’s wife sits next to me.

Me: “Th-thank you.”

Pastor’s Wife: “No problem. Adjusting to a new thyroid medicine dose is hard. Looks like your mom brought the car around. Let’s get you home to rest.”

She helped me out to the car, as I was now doubled over in pain. The pain went away, but it came back a few days later. I ended up in the Emergency Room, where it was discovered that I had gallstones. I had surgery soon after.

While I was in a recovery room, a balloon, flowers, and a small gift basket were delivered. The senders? My church’s senior pastor, his wife, and the other pastors on staff.

It is Halloween, and the staff is dressed in scary(ish) costumes to celebrate the fun.

Customer: “What are you supposed to be?”

Me: “Oh, I’m a character from a popular anime out at the moment. It’s called Demon Slayer.”

Customer: *Narrows eyes* “Are you one of the good guys?”

Me: “Yes, I’m dressed as one of the good guys.”

Customer: “So, you slay the demons?”

Me: “…The character I am dressed up as does, yes.”

Customer: “Good, then I can buy from you. I couldn’t shop at my usual store because the checkout clerk there was dressed as a Ghostbuster.”

Me: “Aren’t they the good guys, as well?”

Customer: “No! They swear too much! Also, they might accidentally capture the Holy Ghost, and I just can’t risk it.”

She made absolutely zero indication that she was joking about any of this. Either she’s a fantastic deadpan comedian, or she was serious.